mac + blogger = ARG!

Anyone else out there who uses a mac to post to blogger? HOW do you manage to upload pictures? I've tried a couple things...uploading to Facebook and then over to Blogger...uploading to flickr and then posting directly to Blogger (can only post one picture per post, unless I post three separate pictures to three separate posts and then copy and paste; pics are small; can only upload one picture at a time; flickr uploader freezes before it's completely done and never finishes uploading)... The most recent thing I've tried is uploading to Photobucket, which worked great when I was only uploading one picture, but when I tried more, it took forever, froze my other internet activity, and, after waiting 20 minutes for my pictures to load, they weren't even there! I do like macs because they are pretty and ... well, they are pretty. And fun. But as Nathan and I talk about getting a second computer, I am leaning more and more towards a PC...I cringe when I say that, but it's true. Macs are good at what they're made for, but they're not made for blogger, that's for sure! Any suggestions? I have thought about switching my blog to another place (not blogger) but I really like blogger for everything else. I don't really want to move my blog. Help?

missing him

I miss our Lennox. It would have been fun if he could have come with us. It's only been a week since we left him but so many things have made me think of him this past week:

- saying the word w-a-l-k anytime after 4:00pm
- finding a random tennis ball on campus on our evening walk
- evening walks
- Nathan playing with a soccer ball while bbq-ing…usually Lennox would be out there with him playing
- Finding Lennox hair in our stuff as we unpack
- Walking anywhere and thinking I should take Lennox with me
- High pitched squeals that sound like a small Lennox whimper to let us know that he wants/needs to go outside
- Finding a “doggy bag” in my pocket from the last time I wore these shorts (in Altona while walking Lennox)
- Pictures of Lennox that we have hanging right by our front door
- Remembering how he would curl up right beside me and stay there for hours
- Seeing people with their dogs while camping on the way down...especially black dogs.

Only 21/22 months until we get him back!

This and That

I just wrote a long post about our house. About how it's been on the market for 5 months already. About the questions that have gone through my mind in the last few months because of it. It was a pretty rough post. And then I didn't feel good publishing it because I'm sure if I'd prayed before I wrote it, it would have sounded quite different.

Do you ever get so worked up about something that you just get frustrated and you write it all down and then you go away and pray and sleep and do whatever else it is you do when you feel like that and you come back feeling much more... calm? At peace?

Yeah. Me too.

The truth is, deep down I am quite frustrated that our house hasn't sold yet. Honestly, I do have questions for God about why my house sits empty while other houses are selling quickly. I sometimes feel like we are somehow disqualified. Did we break a rule somewhere along the way and have been given the penalty of having to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else's house sell and not ours? It feels like so many people are being provided for in the easiest, most obvious way, and we have to wait, month-by-month to see how it will all work out.

Nathan and I have recently been re-reading the book "Sex God" by Rob Bell. In it, he often says that things aren't usually about what they first appear to be about. Often "this", that is what we see, is actually about "that", something we don't see. I'm not sure the feelings about the housing market sideline are really about selling our house... or if they're about some kind of foggy "that".

I sometimes feel that way about having kids. I often feel like we're disqualified. I feel like we'll always be the couple who rejoices with others but somewhere along the way we missed a step and are benched on the sidelines. We got lost and now we're not where we expected to be by now. What is holding us back? Did we do something? Did something happen when our life stories were written where that part was forgotten? Does our life have some sort of a child-bearing glitch?

Don't get me wrong. I am incredibly blessed. I have many more blessing than I can count. So why is it that sometimes, when there are TWO things that I haven't been able to have, I feel like I'm being so...

punished?

left out?

ignored?

Because it's obvious that I'm not. I have a wonderful husband. We have two loving, caring, God-fearing families. We have good health and food to eat and a place to lay our heads. We even have those little extra things that not everyone has like a car, clothes, and a community. What right do I have to complain?

And yet it hurts. I'm not sure how to pray for these things. I'm not sure how to move on without them. I'm not sure what to think about them. But I do think about them. I think about them alot.

Sometimes life just doesn't have answers. Not having answers is usually ok with me but sometimes, very rarely, it just makes me want to explode. I get so curious and frustrated and my head starts to hurt with all the thoughts swirling around.

Sometimes this is really about that. Sometimes house selling frustrations are really about something else. Sometimes struggles with infertility are really about something else. I'm not sure exactly what that something else is yet. I'm not sure where God is going with this...

but I'm on the road to find out.

Exploring...questioning...feeling. Life is full of that. If our houses sold right away, what would our faith look like? If we conceived in the blink of an eye, that would be WONDERFUL, but would some of us take our children for granted a bit more?

Hmm... do you have a "this" in your life that is really about "that"? What is stretching your faith today?

From Manitoba to California

Since moving from Manitoba, Canada to California, USA, I've noticed a few differences between the two. In case you are ever planning a trip to sunny California, here are a few things you should plan for...

Manitoba - cold...windy...cloudy...snowy...
California - sunny...hot...sunny...hot...smog...sunny...hot...

Manitoba - pants, socks and shoes are comfy 8 days out of 10, year round (at least for me)...BUNNY HUGS are also quite comfortable to wear, at least in the evenings, if not all day
California - my feet are burning constantly! I just can't seem to cool down! Today I thought twice about choosing a t-shirt to wear instead of a tank-top because the t-shirt might be too warm.

Manitoba - I sweat when I exercise...sometimes...
California - I sweat when I exercise every time...I sweat when I walk outside...I sweat when I'm in the car...I sweat when I cook supper...I sweat when I take out the garbage...I sweat as I sit here. It really never ends...

Manitoba - I shave once every week or two...pretty much only when I want to wear shorts
California - Shaving every time you shower is not merely recommended, or even recomanditory...it is completely, 100% necessary.

Manitoba - Canadian grocery stores...Canadian brands...English music...
California - Spanish grocery stores...Spanish brands...Spanish music...

Manitoba - "grown in California"
California - "local produce"

Manitoba - laundry hanging outside takes a couple hours to dry completely
California - laundry hanging outside takes half an hour to dry completely

Manitoba - I get into my car after it's been sitting in the sun for hours and keep the windows up so I can enjoy the heat
California - I open the door after the car has been sitting in the sun for hours, stand back and let the initial heat escape (like an oven), get in and make sure the air conditioning is on before we even start the car

Manitoba - you open your car window to get a fresh, cool breeze
California - you open your car window and it's like turning on the heat full blast

Manitoba - you talk to your cashier in the store and they smile and talk back
California - you talk to your cashier in the store and they look at you funny because you're friendly and they're wondering who you are

Manitoba - "ho*mog*e*nous - corresponding in structure because of a common origin"
California - vastly multicultural

Manitoba - you put your plants outside in the summer to get some fresh air and revive after the winter
California - you take your plants inside in the summer so they don't burn to a crisp

Manitoba - watering your lawn is against some by-laws
California - even the trees/shrubs on the side of the freeway are watered...if it's green, it's watered...everything else is brown (at least right now where we are)

Manitoba - it's encouraged that you eat healthily...and it's affordable to do so
California - fast food and junk food are in abundance and at an astronomically low price...if you want to eat healthily, it's because you've made an intentional decision (both mentally and financially) to do so

Well, there are some of the differences I've noticed. It really is a different experience. When we left, I knew it would be different, but expected it to be relatively the same as Canada. After all, we are still in North America. But the American culture is quite different from the Canadian one. I really like taking note of the differences and relishing in the fact that I am immersed in another culture for a couple years. There is much to learn and see. Definitely worth the VISA/insurance/health/car/currency exchange/head aches to be here now!

p.s-as I was reading this to Nathan, he looked out our door and saw a coyote run across the court...this is a very small courtyard (maybe 50 feet across) in the middle of the city! We ran for the camera, but it was gone. Weird...

I'm just wondering if any one is having trouble seeing the pictures that I upload to my blog. I've heard that some people can't see them... Anyone else?

The View...

This is the view from our apartment. The buildings that you see below the PALM TREES are a couple of the other apartments. The on campus housing is made up of 10 apartments (2 per building) all facing an inner courtyard. We have met alot of the other people living here already and I am excited for this place to become home.

We left for California early Saturday morning. We pulled out in the rain...we drove in the rain...we had some sunny patches...and then more and more rain. The first day, we drove 17 hours (including a 2 hour break at the border while we waited for our paperwork). As we neared the end of our day, we started debating whether we would camp or get a hotel. We had planned on camping so that we would have no chance of our car being broken into and, seeing as all of our possessions for the next two years were in there, we didn't really like the idea of that. But as we pulled into the town where we had originally planned to stop for the night, it was already dark and we were tired. So we kept going. (???) We played with the idea of driving through the night but thought that wouldn't be the brightest idea, especially since we really wanted to try a new route to bypass the desert. We stopped at a hotel, thinking that may be a good option, but we weren't ready to pay $120 a night for such a short amount of sleep. We couldn't decide what to do so at one point Nathan asked, "WWAD?" What Would Andrew Do? My brother, Andrew, just spent a few weeks picking cherries in BC and living out of the back of his truck. So, eventually, we pulled into a rest stop somewhere in Idaho and decided to slept in the car. At first I couldn't get comfortable and at one point during the night, I woke up from my shallow sleep and it was still completely dark. Truth be told, I shed some tears knowing that sunrise was still hours away and I hadn't slept well yet. I was SO tired! I prayed that God would speed the sunrise for me so that this uncomfortable night in the car could be over. And then I slept like a baby. We spent 7 hours sleeping in the car (with seats that couldn't recline because of all the stuff in the back seat). When we woke up it was only 7 degrees, but I had the warm blanket so I was fine. : )

The next day we drove another 12 hours and ended up in Sacramento CA. We camped there and spent the evening getting the road off of us, reading our books, and watching part of a movie on our laptop.

We arrived here on Monday and, after about 3 or 4 trips from the car to the apartment, we had everything inside. We right away ran to Wal-mart and a grocery store and loaded up on some essentials. Then, we set to work unpacking and moving in. It only took about 6 hours from arrival to putting our feet up. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

Today I am busy baking buns and bread and trying to get them done before our new student orientation that either started 20 minutes ago, starts in 10 minutes, or starts in 40 minutes. We're not sure exactly what time but Nathan just went to check. I'm hoping I still have 40 minutes, because I just put my bread in the oven and it'll take a while.

Classes will start on Monday so today is registration (at the orientation). Nathan has his courses picked. He only has class 3 days a week (Tuesday-Thursday) so the potential is there for some nice weekend day trips to San Francisco/Santa Cruz/Los Angeles/Redwood Forests/etc. There's lots to see and do around here so hopefully we have the time/resources to be able to take some of it in while we're here.

Well, I can't think of anything else. There's so much new that I couldn't possibly articulate exactly all that is happening, but I assure you we are enjoying the journey and doing well. Perhaps there will be more pictures to come...

P.S- Speaking of pictures, does anyone have any advice on uploading pictures from a mac to either flickr or blogger? I usually upload through flickr and post on this blog directly from there, but I haven't figured out a way to include more than one picture per post...help?

We're here...

Hi Everyone!

We arrived in our new home in California safely yesterday around noon. I can’t write much now because we are about to run out for some things, but keep your eyes peeled for a longer, more thorough post that I plan to write soon (when I have some time!).

Later!

- Niki

My Latest Projects

I mentioned in my last post that I had some sewing that I was going to do. My first order of business was to make a new bag for my sleeping bag. I found some fabric at Wal-mart (roll-end) and it was more than enough so I also made a small bag for my sewing supplies so that I don't have to move the bulky box that I had been storing my supplies in. The fabric that I picked up was denim, though, which is great for durability, but will definitely leak dye. I didn't think of this until I was hand sewing some snaps onto my sewing bag and noticed that my fingers were turning blue. My sleeping bag is a lovely shade of hot pink right now and I would be a tad sad if the bag got a little wet while camping and my sleeping bag got nasty blue stains all over it. I ran it through the rinse cycle in the washing machine three or four times, until my hands stopped turning blue from touching it. Hopefully that does the trick. I'd really hate to have my sleeping bag ruined (I've had it since grade 4!), never mind the pretty ribbons and such that I store with my sewing supplies! But enough writing...here are some pics of my latest projects.

p.s-the sleeping bag bag looks kinda mis-shapen but that is NOT due to my lack of sewing skills. It is sewn quite straight, but I just shoved my sleeping bag into it for the picture without rolling it first. It's just stretched funny in the picture. : )

Another random, fun fact. Because of the dark fabric and the fun nature of these projects, I decided to use bright red thread for my sewing so I added a nice zig-zag detail on the sewing bag, both to add some interest and to keep it from fraying (I don't have a serger).

So Close and Yet So Far

Our move is coming up quickly. It seems like before we know it we will have the car packed, our goodbyes given, and our faces turned to the south. We leave in 4 days. And yet today feels like any other day. It doesn't feel like we can count our days left on one hand. It doesn't feel like we'll be all unpacked in our new home in under a week. It just doesn't feel like it's that close.

With the move not feeling altogether real, it seem as if there is very little to write. Our days are just normal...we will do today what we did yesterday and tomorrow we will do the same thing again. Every day is the same. Well, not quite. There are slight variations to the norm. For instance, yesterday Nathan and I took our car to have the clutch replaced and then spent the day in the city doing some shopping and having lunch together and I spent the evening feeling quite drained and stomach-achey. Today Nathan is rotating the tires while I plan to sew a new bag for my hot pink sleeping bag, a bag for my sewing supplies, add some snaps to one of my shirts, and perhaps do some scrapbooking. Our days aren't identical, but it hardly seems like there is anything exciting happening when there is such a huge change looming on our horizon. But, as I have told some of my friends, even the boring, everyday stuff is worth writing to me about. So perhaps I should follow my own advice and share the little things with you too. : )

This week has been a week of frustrations with our house selling venture. We've been having some mis-communication with our agent and that has been stressful. We do still have hope that it will sell by the time we leave. Anyone looking for a house in our old town? It's beautiful and homey and close to downtown and the price has been reduced, despite what the website says. (arg) It's ok...I understand if you don't want to buy it. But someone needs to...haha, it will sell eventually.

We've also been getting our car ready for it's long trek across the continent. It is a very reliable car, but the fact is, it's already 10 years old and has over 220,000kms on it. So this week I gave the car an oil change, we replaced the clutch, and now Nathan is rotating the tires. After that, it should be good to go!

I started to pack up our California pile on the weekend. I've been getting things together (mostly in my mind) to see what we are taking and what we'll need to buy once we arrive down there. We have a furnished apartment on the campus there, so all we need to take are our personal things. I'm trying to figure out (as I mentioned in an earlier post) what the balance is between taking things that will make it feel like home and taking things that are practical. We definitely don't have room for everything, but I think we'll be able to fit most of what we hope to take...a good mix of home and practicality.

As of this week, our church has recommended that they hire a specific person as their new youth pastor. It feels weird to be gone from there and have someone else almost hired for what was Nathan's job. I know that we haven't actually been working at the church for almost a year and that the church needs a youth pastor by fall...but both Nathan and I (as we've been keeping up to date with the online bulletin) had a moment of feeling really replaced when we saw that the church was very close to hiring someone. Is that weird? It feels kind of weird.

Anyway, that's about all that's happening right now. I anticipate much more exciting posts coming in about 5 or 6 days. But for now, enjoy the small details of my day. : )

Two bags or one?

Yes, I just did that. I emptied my Dawn dish detergent into a Zip-lock bag so that it would take up less room with the move. I've also emptied my Zip-lock bag boxes because the bags on their own take up less room than the bags in the boxes. Is this extreme? Well...when I look at how much we would like to move down south and the size of our car is (small), I don't see this as extreme. I see this as necessary. My next thought is that I could have easily bought more dish detergent when we arrived, but I am a Mennonite and if I have some perfectly good dish detergent sitting here, why not use it up before I buy some more? Am I right?

Moving has it's pros and cons. The first move was different because I knew that I would be able to go into my boxes if I realized that I'd packed something that I absolutely needed. With this next move, if I leave something behind, either I do without or I buy it again when we get there. It's not terribly tough to pack this time, but it takes alot more thought, that's for sure.

I've also realized, as I've been gone from our last home for over a month now, that I LOVE to hear any news at all from home. Emails from friends, news about the new youth pastor that they're working on hiring, hearing about what people back home are up to...these are the things that make my day. But, as I was reading an email from a friend today, I realized again how everyone's lives are moving on, as if we were never there. And that made me miss home. Our life isn't there anymore, and yet it was something that we both loved...it was our life. But now we are moving on and everyone back home is moving on and things will never be the same again. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I guess I just need to let go. But it's still the place that feels like home...

God Talks

As some (all?) of you know, life has been a faith-grower for me and Nathan for alot of this past year. Last September was when everything happened with the church and Nathan was out of work. (if you don't know the story, click here) All winter we were being stretched to have faith that we would be provided for (financially and otherwise). It was also a winter of healing. Spring brought our official resignation from the church and the decision to pursue seminary...yet another step of faith. When we put our house on the market last March, we expected it to be sold within a couple of weeks, but five months later it is still unsold. The sale of the house is to be a large chunk of our tuition. We made the decision to move to Saskatchewan on July 1 because we believed that 6 weeks with family would be a good transition between our last home and our next one. These 6 weeks have, indeed, been exactly what we have needed, but as our house still sits empty and unsold, our faith has been stretched all the more.

As we walked down the street in Hudson Bay this week, Nathan and I were talking about how God provides and how we really need our house to sell before we leave for school. I looked up and saw, painted on the side of a building, "Have faith." I smiled at the reminder to keep faith.

This morning as I was reading my Bible, I came across two verses that also struck me and encouraged me to rest in the fact that God has things under control.

The first was Psalm 27:13-14. "I remain confident of this: I will see the godness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

And the other one was Proverbs 20:24. "A person's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way?"

It is so interesting to see what God puts in front of us to encourage us on our way.

In addition to our house needing to sell, we just found out that our car needs a new clutch (near $1000 repair) and we still haven't paid for things like health insurance, house insurance, car insurance, etc. We know that God will stretch our savings to cover our needs and we are already excited to see God work and move and grow our faith some more.

(PLEASE know that I am not sending out a plea for financial assistance, but merely letting you know about the faithfulness of the God we serve)

We have faith that our house will sell before we leave in 8 days. Please join us in prayer for this. Pray that our faith and joy will not get clouded with the looming shadow of bills and obstacles. Pray that we will not get discouraged when things seem to go wrong. And please pray for the person who will buy our house in these next few days. I so desire to grow from this experience and not get bogged down by the details. I want to keep my focus on God's command to learn and grow and be fruitful at seminary...I can't let distractions like $$$ get in the way of that.

God is constantly growing the faith of his children. How is God growing your faith today?

Home is where the...stuff is?

Home is where the heart is.

We've all heard this expression. Have you ever stopped to think about what it means? I mean, really stopped to think about it...is home really where the heart is?

Home. The place where we rest. The place where we spend our leisure time. The place where we relax. A place that we go to and from. "A house, apartment or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household. The place in which one's domestic affections are centered. The place or region where something is native or most common. Any place of residence or refuge." (dictionary.com)

Where the heart is. Where is my heart? On one level (the deepest level), my heart belongs to Jesus/God/Lover of my Soul. So if my home is where God is, I guess that's everywhere, right? I should feel just as at home walking down the street or sitting in church or shopping in the grocery store as I feel at my place of residence. Right? Ok, that may be pushing it. But I'm thinking maybe I should watch where I feel attached...I should be ready to go at a moment's notice...this world is not my home. (???) Moving on...

My heart is also with Nathan. This narrows my home down a bit more. God is everywhere, so that is a given, but Nathan is not. So whenever I'm with Nathan I should feel at home? This feels closer to the mark. When I grocery shop with Nathan I feel more at home than when I grocery shop alone. I do feel more "at home", even while across the continent, when Nathan is at my side. But that still leaves me questioning why, even when on vacation with Nathan, I still just long to be "home" after a couple weeks away.

My heart is with our families and friends. Sometimes we leave our "home" and travel to visit our families and friends who live in different places. While I do feel more "at home" in these homes than I do in the homes of strangers, I still don't feel the same way as when I am surrounded by familiar things...by the things in my home.

So the question stands, is home really where the heart is? Or is home where the stuff is?

I was thinking about this tonight as some of my "stuff" is sitting in boxes in a basement (only to be opened in two years), while some of it is integrated into other households. Where is home? I feel a strange sense of displacement when I see some of the things that have made my home feel so much like home in the past few years suddenly being used in places that are not home to me. My piano. My couch and chairs. My blankets.

I was a bit shocked and taken aback at my feelings. Why would I feel so protective over my stuff? It's just that...stuff. I see the value in holding "things" loosely as I definitely don't see possessions as a huge thing in life. And I understand having these things being used while we're gone instead of just sitting around collecting dust. But I'm having a hard time knowing where home is these days...and seeing the "stuff" of my home so scattered doesn't help me feel very grounded. : )

I wonder if it will be difficult to feel at home once we are surrounded by only a carload of things that are familiar (moving down to the States in only our car). I was given some advice from a friend a couple weeks before we moved from our last home. She said that it is important as you move (especially when you move alot) to always take a certain thing from your household with you, to each place you move, so that when you see that item you know that you are home. I've been thinking alot this month about what will make our new apartment feel like home. What can we surround ourselves with so that my mind and heart understand that this is home for a while? I haven't come up with much yet...but I am really beginning to understand the wisdom in what my friend suggested. (thanks, R)

Home is where the heart is. Home is where the stuff is.

Hmm...I really have no conclusion to this. I just wanted to share some thoughts as that's what this blog is about.

I hope you all are doing well in your respective homes and that you are feeling "at home" these days. Please feel free to share what you think. Is home where the heart is for you? Or is home where the stuff is? Where is the line between those two? What is the definition of home for you? Where do you call home today?

More New Glasses

These are my other pair of new glasses from Zenni Optical. I'm still a bit unsure about them. I like the shape and wanted something different with the white (and the sides are fun and swirly), but...like I said, I'm a bit unsure. What do you think?

Top Stories...

I was thinking about ideas for blogging today, and I thought it might be fun to see which posts have been the 10 most popular based on the number of comments they have received. See if you can remember what I wrote about when you read the blog title, then click on the link to see if you were right!


Welcome to Second Street! - May 27, 2006 - 10 comments

O Canada! - February 26, 2009 - 10 comments

completely UNinspired - November 28, 2008 - 9 comments

What is it like? - October 28, 2008 - 8 comments

O for Grace to Trust Him More... - December 11, 2008 - 8 comments

Random Thoughts From Second Street - February 10, 2009 - 8 comments

Been Busy (with pictures to prove it) - July July 6, 2009 - 8 comments

A Retreat - September 25, 2008 - 7 comments

Update on...everything... - October 2, 2008 - 7 comments

Healed. - May 29, 2009 - 7 comments


Which was your favorite? Do you remember a specific post that isn't included on this list?

My Day

Getting out of bed...tough.

Shower...amazing.

Breakfast...water.

Science class in July...challenging yet rewarding.

Lunch...healthy...wanted to reward myself for healthy choices with cookies and a chocolate bar.

Shopping for VBS craft supplies with Karis...good times.

Picking up Prison Break Season 3 from the library...exciting.

Driving through rain...peaceful.

Combing Lennox...un-lengthy. (as in it didn't last long before he was walking away)

Smelling supper as it cooks... so hungry.

Hearing the rain outside and seeing the sunshine...running to see the rainbow!

Not there...disappointed.



Gotta love holidays! I have been so enjoying these last few weeks of having nowhere to go in the morning and nothing to do all day...if only we could be getting paid for all this sitting around. Well, we are being paid if lbs count. No? Ok. Only 17 more days of this though. And then it's a whole new life for us! Wow. That's coming quick.

p.s- how do you like my new glasses? zennioptical.com. $8. Or were these $12? I got two new frames and my old ones are still in working order. I'm really enjoying having three frames to switch things up a bit. Excuse my hair in the pictures...I had just run out in the rain to look for a rainbow.

I had quite the morning at church.

Being at church seems like the wrong thing to call the experience I had this morning.

It was more like hanging out with a church.

What makes a church? Is it the people or the place?

Should "church" be rehearsed like a performance or casual and flexible like a family gathering?

I came away from our gathering this morning refreshed. I came away challenged. I came away with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. I had fun with the church today.

What was it that made my experience this morning SO good?

It may have been an old acquaintance leading hymns by request and giving a short speech about singing "in color" by using harmony when the first verse was sung quite unenthusiastically and flat.

It may have been the little girl behind me who was singing out, not afraid of who heard, and sounding quite good because she sings out confidently every Sunday...(and all we sang today were hymns)

It may have been the people sharing about Mennonite World Conference in Paraguay.

It may have been the people sharing about their coming year that has been dedicated, as a family, to inner city mission work...the sharing that kept going and going and going...the passion that they spoke with...

It may have been that the pastor felt free to put his sermon aside after all the sharing that had been happening through music and missions and simply shared a story about his week of speaking at camp.

It could have been the amazing time I had last night with God before I went to bed and that I woke up ready to worship.

It could have been alot of things. But I know that hanging out with the church today was amazing and has me challenged to look for more (and be more) in whatever church body I find myself in next. WE are the church. Let's enjoy getting together. If the sermon is getting in the way, put it aside. If the singing isn't quite up to par, share your passion for music and help others catch it.

What is getting together for but to encourage, challenge, strengthen, teach, learn from, and love each other?

What was church like for you this week?

Why did you go?

Who did you see?

What was your favorite part of worship?

Do you have fun hanging out with the church?

In-Between

I feel like I'm very much in an in-between place right now. And I am continually glad that we took these 6 weeks to be in-between.

Three weeks ago we moved away from the only home that Nathan and I have ever really known together. We packed up our (still unsold) house and drove away with everything we own. The packing was exciting. The purging was exciting. The cleaning was exciting. The loading was exciting. And the driving away was exciting...until I turned the first corner, not even a block from our house. And then I burst into tears! I cried, alone in our car, for a good 15 to 20 minutes...noticing the last time I would drive away from our house (it being our house), the last time I would leave our town (it being our town), the last time we would drive by our church (it being our church)...I guess I get emotional. Who knew? : ) There was suddenly so much that I was leaving behind.

This in-between time has been so good to continue to process what we have left behind. The first few days were full of lonliness for the people and life that we left. I felt completely unsettled and displaced, and there were many more tears over the next couple days. But, these last three weeks haven't been completely depressing and horrible. Far from! There has also been intense joy in these last three weeks. We have settled in our in-between place and are enjoying life without work. Life without a schedule. We've never had this much time off together and it makes me SO excited for retirement! haha...yeah, I know. It's been SO nice to have Nathan's parents' house to ourselves so we don't feel like we're visiting for 6 weeks but that we have a neutral place to process everything. I feel like being in-between has given me room to (physically and emotionally) leave behind our last home and (physically and emotionally) prepare for our next one. I feel just exhausted some days, but I know that this processing needs to happen. I don't want to just skim over this move without learning everything I can about where we came from (from the outside now) and how it shaped us in our four years there. I want to take the moving process slowly and draw every little piece of wisdom out of our experiences. Some days I just want to sleep and forget everything for a while, because it takes SO much energy to remember, but I also don't want to waste this time and forget where we've come from.

Three weeks from tomorrow, we will get in our car once again and begin our 30+ hour drive to our new home. When we first moved away from our last home, I could hardly think about what was next because there was so much to think about regarding the move. But now that I find myself at the halfway point between the old and the new, I am starting to get very excited about what's to come! We have found out that we are in apartment "J" (why does this make it feel more real?). We can actually see the "drive date" on the calendar now. Our VISA and health insurance and car insurance is all in the process of being ready for us to leave. IT IS STARTING TO FEEL REAL, PEOPLE!

This "reality" thing that I'm experiencing is exciting and scary at the same time. It is exciting for the obvious reasons. We are going to meet alot of new people. We are going to live in a new place. We are going to live in an on-campus setting again. We are going to drastically change our pace of life. What's not to be excited about? Well...I did mention that it's also scary. In so many changes come so many, many questions. The biggest question being "How will we pay for everything?" It's not cheap to quit your jobs, move to another country, and become a full time student. My way of dealing with not having an answer? I have not been able to look at the details of our financial "stuff" since we left our old town. This is SO unlike me! I am usually a budgeter...a financial planner. But when I know that there is money coming in each month to cover our expenses, it is a whole different ball game. There is something different about seeing what we have in our account and knowing what school will cost and noticing a large gap. What is there to look at when those numbers don't match up? And the gap between the two just grows larger each month as each mortgage payment comes out. Ack!

Last night I was praying, in desperation over our current finances and future financial well-being, and I felt like I was a child in swimming lessons again. I was being asked to put my face in the water and not try to understand how I was going to float (this just doesn't make sense to alot of kids!) but to just have faith that I would. In my prayer, I felt like I was floundering a little. Okay, I was floundering alot! Last night, I was the annoying kid to teach who would flail and splash and insist that it is impossible for a person to lay on top of clear, invisible water. I was pouring out my worries to God and I felt as helpless as a child who's being taught to swim with the lifeguard just standing by, making sure I'm not going to drown, but also not helping a whole lot. And I got the sense that God is teaching us (particularly me) faith. I guess I just need to lay back and relax and go with the flow if I expect to be able to live on nothing. But the lifeguard (God) IS there to keep us from drowning. Sure, he sometimes will help us by holding us up and then slowly letting go again, but you can't learn to swim if someone is always holding you. Sometimes you just have to flail and flounder and get the hang of it yourself. So I feel like I'm floundering in this whole faith thing. But I'm sure, after two years, I'll start getting the hang of it...

So that's our in-between spot. Halfway between here and there. It takes so much energy to think about (and therefore write about) anything related to moving, so I have been posting about crocheting and decorating and Lennox and anything other than what's going on. But I want to be real and I want to share, so that's where we are now. Our In-Between.

Lennox

Our poor puppy dog.

Many people have been asking us what we are planning to do with Lennox when we move. After months of prayer and searching, Nathan's mom made a connection for us. Lennox is going to be spending the greater part of two years with a wonderful couple from near here. They are self-proclaimed "crazy dog people" and are willing to give it a shot (whoo-hoo!).

We thought it would be smart to let the dogs meet a couple times before the official "hand-off" in August, so a couple weeks ago, we took Lennox over to their place. Well, it was a less than ideal first meeting between the two. If you'd like a mental picture. Lennox is...well, Lennox. Black. 60 lbs. Timid at first, but loves to play with other dogs. Their dog is... Black. 60+ lbs. Trained for guarding. Quite...dominant and protective (so it seemed). Together? One mass of black fur, top dog growling and bottom dog trying frantically to get away and screaming on the top of his lungs.

Bottom dog was Lennox. : )

Now, I fully believe the gracious owners of other dog when they say that their dog isn't a mean dog. I completely understand that the first instinct would be to guard his yard and protect his owners. And that is GOOD. And I also believe that if Lennox would just "man-up" (at least as much as he can after what we did to him a couple years ago) and bare some teeth, perhaps growl and bark once or twice, that things would be absolutely lovely with other dog. But Lennox preferred to sit under my chair and hide for the remainder of the "meeting."

*sigh*

Lennox has since met a couple other dogs, one new one and Nathan's parents' dog, who he knows. He has gotten along with these dogs just fine! He's a bit more timid than normal and is more often on the submissive side than he used to be while playing with them. I don't like that, but I figured that, with time, he would go back to his normal, playful, sometimes-dominant-sometimes submissive self. Not so. The more time he's had with Sheila (Nathan's parents' dog), the more he's taken the submissive role, and Sheila has noticed. We've noticed that she can control him with a growl and some bared teeth. At any sign of agression, Lennox goes running. It's frustrating, because he could beat Sheila so easily! SHE is not a dominant dog! And if he could understand that he's not the wimpy dog that he thinks he is right now, and put Sheila back in her place, perhaps he could put other dog (the one he's going to be with for two years) in it's place too.

Well, last night, we thought it would be fun for Lennox to meet a new dog (my friends', Ben and Marsha's, dog, Jakson). We were driving to PA anyway for a LONG overdue visit so we took Lennox along for some puppy play time. Well, at first Lennox wouldn't go anywhere near Jakson and was just hiding behind Nathan's and my legs. We kept moving so he would have to be social at least a little bit. But Lennox soon got tired of Jakson's "puppy energy" and learned that Sheila's trick of baring teeth and growling worked for him too. And not only that, if Jakson wouldn't back up immediately, Lennox would actually snap at him! I've NEVER seen this mean side of Lennox and I'm not sure what to think of it! At first, when there was just growling and baring teeth (showing dominance) I approved and encouraged it, hoping that this might transfer to the other, two year dog. But when he started snapping, and learned that it worked, I started to tell him "no." It's one thing to give the dog a little growl as warning...it's another thing to start actually using that agression! I don't want to have the dog that doesn't get along with every dog he meets!

What happened to my sweet, innocent puppy who would play with anyone?! I'm hoping that this strange behavior is due mostly to so much change in his life recently (moving, new dogs, new places, etc) and that he'll slip back to his old, easy-going self when he develops more of a routine this fall. If not, we'll have some training to do...when it is and is not appropriate to show agression. Part of me IS hoping that he will show some of this newfound agression to the other dog so that they can co-exist peacefully (each knowing their own, healthy boundaries with each other). But I DO NOT want this to become his default for whenever he meets things that he's uncomfortable with (like hopefully our babies one day - right now he's PERFECT with kids...or at least he was a couple weeks ago). I'm just not sure what to do! Oh, the fun of having a dog. Some days it's almost as mind-boggling as parenting...

In the homemaking department...

I always thought that I really liked to cook. I even wrote a post about cooking not too long ago. And then I read my friend Erica's latest post. It's about cooking too. And that's when I realized that I don't have a passion for cooking.

I don't mind cooking. I actually often enjoy it. (except for recently, due to not having my own kitchen to work in among other reasons) But even at the best of times, I don't feel that joyous passion when it comes to putting ingredients together to make a dish.

I do, however, find myself having more and more of a passion for putting rooms together. Paint, fabric, furniture, accessories...LOVE IT! I thoroughly enjoyed decorating and redecorating and rearranging our old house. I was rearranging right up until a couple days before we moved. And soon I get a whole new apartment to have fun with! I think that I would even prefer an entire day of cleaning (with accessorizing) over cooking. Cooking happens so that I have something to eat; decorating happens because I love it.

When I was younger, still living at home, my family moved to a new house when I was 11 and I got my own room. I probably switched it around every couple months and tried odd things in the name of decorating. The thing about my creativity back then was that most things didn't look very good. I remember one decorating attempt in particular...I was trying to cover up the water filter that took up valuable real estate in my already small bedroom so I took my curtains off my window and fastened them across the corner of my room, conveniently hiding the tank. I was pretty proud of myself until someone came in and asked if I really thought it looked good. I suddenly became very self conscious about my decorating taste and still find it tough to express my decorating opinions. It usually takes me a couple days to know if I really like something that I've tried with our house. But that's the great thing about decorating...nothing is entirely permanent!

So as we head down south in a matter of weeks, I am looking around me, trying to decide what to take along so that I have something to work with in our apartment. We will have a very small decorating budget (if any) so I'm trying to think of inexpensive things to make our apartment feel like home and look "finished." All I've come up with so far are large pieces of fabric (solid colored inexpensive flat sheets?) and enlarged prints of photos we've taken (affordable thanks to Costco) in solid black frames. I think I'll need to get down there and play around a bit to know better what is needed. But the way it looks now, I'll have plenty of time to be creative and have fun with the look of our place.

So what do you prefer? Cooking? Baking? Decorating? Yardwork? Something else? What's your passion?

Granny Skills

I learned to crochet when I was five years old. I remember my mom teaching my sister and I the basic chain stitch while we were sitting on her bed, each with our own hook and ball of yarn. She would get us started and we would make chains as long as our hand. Then, chains as long as our arms. Then, chains that were as tall as we were. And at one point, I remember racing one or both of my siblings to see who could make a chain as long as our entire house first. We would frantically crochet, then measure, then crochet, then measure again, then crochet some more. (I just can't imagine any 6 year olds that I know today having a crocheting race...)

Once chaining wasn't exciting enough, I would start to choose patterns from my mom's crochet magazines and we would sit together, me with the hook and yarn, and my mom with the book, reading the instructions to me so that I wouldn't lose my place. I don't remember the things that I was making at this stage, but I definitely remember needing my mom to read the instructions to me. In this way, with my mom at my side, I learned a few more basic stitches too.

When I got a little older, probably around 10 or 11, I figured out how to read the instructions to myself and follow them without losing my place. At this stage, I started my first afghan (which is quite misshapen due to missed and added stitches) and made other things like doilies and hats. I found crocheting such fun and never thought twice about how "granny-ish" I must have looked all those evenings with the hook in one hand and yarn in the other.

As time progressed, I started to understand more and more how to put stitches together to make different shapes and patterns. I remember looking at some dolls that my great-grandma (Oma), my mom's mom's mom, had made from scratch. I thought it looked fairly simple, so, since we had the plastic faces that were meant for these types of dolls, I fashioned a doll for myself, complete with dress and bonnet. This was one of my first tastes of crocheting from my imagination. I liked it. I would also make stuffed animals (I specifically remember two white rabbits I made, one with a yellow dress and undies, and the other with brown overalls).

Over the years (almost 20 now since I started crocheting), I have made countless afghans, and my fair share of toques, mittens, scarves, belts, doilies, stuffed animals, dolls, and many other things. I really enjoy the smooth rhythm of the hook going in and out while I am forced to be still and at rest. I have come to the point where I have more toques than I ever wear, I have more afghans than I know what to do with (but they match different rooms in different seasons) and I feel no need to decorate my home with doilies (at least in this stage of life). But every once in a while I find a project that keeps my fingers moving and my mind challenged with something new...because you never know when having granny skills could come in handy...