The rest of them :)

Ok, so as with most blog series, I am losing momentum and updates are coming less and less frequently again.  SO...here's the rest of the questions answered in the "getting to know myself" series.  Enjoy!  I'll try not to make them too long but no promises!

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

I think I would be a cat.  They can sit in the sun happily for hours and hours but still have the energy and agility to climb trees and hunt and pounce on each other.  They do whatever they feel like and can be both lazy and active.  In that way, I would say that if I were an animal, I would be a cat :)  Oh, and our one cat can go DAYS without seeing a human and I think that applies too ;)


16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? (in no particular order)

- I got married

- I brought my kids into the world

- I completed a seminary-level counseling course with flying colours.  I felt pretty good about it at the time.  I still feel pretty good about it... ;)

- we bought an acreage, something we didn't think we'd accomplish until much later in life.

- I've managed to be a stay-at-home mom for 3.5 years now without ever throwing my hands up and walking away for good.  I've wanted to.  I've been tempted.  But I never have.  At least no further than the driveway...


17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I wish I were great at talking to people.  I wish I were great at mingling and small talk.  I feel like it would be easier to make friends if I felt like I had stuff to talk to people about.  I feel like it would be less awkward to hang around the church foyer every week if I could easily strike up a conversation with absolutely anyone.  I wish I were great at conversation. 


20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

- I remember once when I was probably 6-7 years old and I was in the middle of a water fight in my yard, probably with my siblings, maybe some friends too.  I was standing on the outside of the 2 foot fence and laughing so hard.  I remember thinking, "This is the best day of my life!  This is a perfect day!  I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life!"  And I remember that moment exactly.  So I would call that a significant memory from my childhood, whether or not it had any meaning or weight to it :)

-  I remember shucking corn at my grandparents' farm when I was probably 8 years old and loving how soft the corn silk was!  While Mom and Grandma kept talking and working, I went to the treeline and made a little "log cabin" out of branches and twigs and carefully filled it with corn silk.  Then I put 1-2 baby kittens in there and added a roof so they would stay nice and cozy in their new little house.  I went back after supper/right before we were going to leave and the kittens were gone.  I was so worried that they would be lost because they were so little.  As an adult, I remember how close the treeline was to the house and they would never have been lost.  But I was so worried for them.

- I remember that my family used to have family nights where we would spend the evening once a week playing games together.  We would either play board games together or "find the stuffed animal by lantern-light" or whatever we felt like that evening.  One evening, we were playing sardines (basically a version of hide-and-seek where one person hides and everyone looks.  When someone finds you, they hide with you until everyone is there).  I remember climbing carefully behind Dad's guitar case that was propped against the wall beside their dresser.  I was tiny so I could fit into spaces nobody ever even thought to look.  I hid there a LONG time and remember needing to pee so bad but I couldn't leave my PERFECT hiding spot!  Finally I think I made noise - a lot of noise! - and people started finding me but yeah, I always remember that.  I remember it especially much these days as Levi has discovered hiding behind HIS daddy's guitar case and hides there on a daily basis when we play hide-and-seek.


22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5 years
I see myself hopefully still living here, Nathan working at the church.  I'm still a stay-at-home mom, most likely.  I don't see much being different except our kids would be older...Levi would be 8 and Kayden would be 4.  Crazy.  Perhaps more kids, and perhaps done growing our family.  Who knows.

10 years
I see myself hopefully still living here, Nathan working at the church.  At this point we might start asking ourselves if God is calling us somewhere else or to something else, though I'm hoping we can stay here a long time!  I see us being done growing our family, unless adoption is something we feel God is calling us to.  Levi would be 13 and Kayden would be 11.  Yikes.  I suddenly see myself having lots more time for drinking tea and reading books.  Haha.  I might start working part time at this point because kids would likely all be in school during the day.

15 years
This one is hard!  I've always found 5 years to be hard, never mind 15 years!  Let's see.  Levi would be 18 and graduated. Kayden would be 16 and driving.  Whew.  I would be looking ahead at us being empty nesters.  I might be thinking about what I might want to do once the kids are out of the house.  Might go back to school or start working towards goals that I would hope to have accomplished once the kids are all away from home (perhaps running a small business or something of that nature).  Again, I still hope that we will be here with Nathan working at the church or somewhere else in the area.


23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

- crocheting - I like it because I can take it out if I don't like it or change my mind and I haven't lost anything but time.  I also like it because it involves just enough concentration to keep me interested but not so much that I can't do other things like watch tv at the same time.  I also like that it can make me money ;)  But that is more of a bonus than a reason why I like it.

- reading - while I was getting up during the night - every night - with the kids, I couldn't read because I had no concentration whatsoever.  Years of interrupted sleep impacts so much more than your typical sleepiness/dragging feeling.  I couldn't concentrate so I couldn't read books.  I thought I had lost my love for reading but now that I'm sleeping so much better, I've been able to read again and I find that I still really enjoy it!  I love that I can escape everything that is going on in my mind and just be somewhere else.  I love that I can travel - both distance and time - just by opening a book.  I love that it's portable and that I can read anywhere.

- playing with finances/numbers.  It's not unusual that I spend an evening working on the "numbers"...bank accounts, excel documents, etc.  I love it because it gives me a sense of satisfaction to see everything line up and balance.  I love it because I can see exactly how long it will take us to reach financial goals.  I like it because I can plan and put things neatly into slots and it's all organized and it's one part of my life that nobody else can touch/mess up!  I'm just kidding about that last one.  Mostly.

- gardening - I always forget this one because it's so new!  As a kid, I hated everything to do with gardening.  I thought it was the most boring thing ever.  But now that I have my own gardens, it's all different. I enjoy planting things and watching them grow.  House plants?  Yes please.  I love to just wander around the house and look at how the different plants I have are growing and changing.  Unless, of course, the change is that they're dying.  Then it bugs me until I can figure out what's wrong and turn it around.  Most of the time I can't...

- cleaning - I love it because it needs to be done so I may as well enjoy it.  Right??  I also like the immediate results that come with a good cleaning.  There's nothing so calming as a freshly cleaned house.  That said, I find it futile as ever to clean with two young kids underfoot, so if you come into my house and it's untidy or a bit dirty...just know that I've let myself be ok with a little clutter and mess for this season of my life.  There will come a day when I'll have everything as clean as I like it again but for now, it's not happening.  I would drive myself nuts.  And hobby #6 is doing whatever I can to keep myself from going nuts. ;)


24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

I would say it is fairly similar.  Very warm home.  Kids know that parents love them unconditionally.  Lots of laughter.  Lots of play.  We pray together.  We work together.  We eat meals together.  It's a calm home without yelling/violence.  Dad works out of the home (also in a church, no less!) and Mom stays home.  If I had to come up with some differences...I'd say spanking is one.  I was spanked as a kid and we have chosen not to spank.  I am not necessarily against spanking, but with there being so many Christian homes who are "for" spanking, we didn't want others to see that and associate Christians with child-abusers.  At least that's one of my reasons.  We also see how Levi looks at us with fear when we discipline him physically (pinch/flick) and I can only imagine what a spank would do.  But I'm not getting into the whole spanking/not spanking debate.  I think both can be done well and both can be done poorly.  Another difference between my childhood family dynamic vs my family dynamic now...I don't know!  It's probably hardest for a stay-at-home mom to come up with differences unless she is trying to intentionally do things differently than her parents!  I just do what comes naturally as I make this home and a lot of that comes from what I was raised with.  Therefore, I think the family dynamics are fairly similar.


28. What is your love language?

My top love language... ... ... let me just go quickly find online quiz... ... ...

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/#discovery-whom

QUALITY TIME!  I probably didn't need a quiz to tell me that.  It came out WAY ahead!  It's always been like that. It was fun to try to explain that one to Nathan when we were dating because it was close to the bottom of his list. 

Me - "Yes, Nathan, if you make eye contact with me from across the Ad, I feel VERY loved!"
Nathan - "But...we're not even touching...?"

Acts of service was a not-so-close second (but still there!).  This one has come up on the list since having kids.  I used to not mind doing things on my own but now that there are kids to take care of in addition to getting things done, I feel VERY loved when Nathan serves me by either taking the kids or getting things around the house done when he can see that I've had a long day. :)


30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

- that I loved my family
- that I cared for people
- that I fed people well (I'm serious! haha)
- that the home I made was welcoming for everyone who entered
- that I knew how to laugh
- that I was easy-going
- that I was good with kids and loved babies (???) - this is getting hard!
- that I was generous
- that I put others ahead of myself - need to work on this one!
- that I was present with people


Well, that's the last question!  It feels good to be done.  I have tons of stuff floating around in my head these days but I'm just not sure how much of it I want to share here.  Perhaps my days of blogging my deepest, darkest secrets are behind me.  It was freeing and wonderful in its season - and I think God used my willingness to share - but I think now it's time to pull the curtains a little tighter and ponder more than share.  Maybe it will be time to share again one day.  Until then...this blog will be more of a surface update on family and life.  That is, if I ever find the time!  Thanks for reading!

Reflections on Motherhood

Tonight as I sat on the edge of Levi's bed, one hand being held by a sleepy Levi and the other wrapped around a sleeping Kayden, both children silent and still with me in the same moment, I felt such an unexpected rush of gratitude.  I've known for my entire life that I wanted to be a mom.  That this is what I was created to be.  And yet, in those 25 years of being preparing, nothing could have fully prepared me for the amount of love that is bursting forth for these two children today. 

Levi is a handful these days.  He is feeling the loss of having mommy and daddy all to himself and it is often coming out in testing ways.  And yet, tonight after supper, he and I spent 15 minutes just laughing together.  Sitting at the table and looking at each other and laughing uncontrollably with each other for no reason other than being happy to be together.

Kayden is so sweet.  She does cry, occasionally, and sometimes it's for no apparent reason at all, but my heart is so full when I look into her eyes and she looks into mine!  My love for her just grows every day as I get to know her more and as our connection deepens.

I am incredibly blessed to be able to call these two children mine.  They are indeed gifts from God and I will never take them for granted.  Having three years to ponder what life might look like without children has landed me in a place now of being humbled and grateful, a place unlike any I would have been in without that period of waiting. 

When we named our children, we took into consideration the meanings of their names, middle names especially. We gave Levi the name "Jonathan" because it means "God has given."  We gave Kayden the name "Grace" because it is by God's grace that we are fully healed and that Nathan and I have not one but two beautiful children.

So tonight I am feeling extra thankful for these two wonders who share life with us.  And thankful that I am called their mother.  All praise to HIM...forever and ever.

A wonderful few hours...

I just had the most wonderful time with my husband today.  We went to the city for a doctor's appointment (each one means a month closer to D-Day!) and took our time wandering through a fabric store - pictures to come on what I bought for my latest project - having a picnic lunch by the river while listening to jazz music and grocery shopping.  It was so much fun to just spend a few hours with Nathan without homework needing to be done.  (I was able to forget about it...were you, honey?)  It was perfectly sunny too, which made the day even more wonderful.

Now, of course, it's back to rain, homework, and routine.  But at least I have a new sewing project to look forward to!  Oh the joy of little things...

p.s-As I was sitting in the car while Nathan filled us up with gas today, I realized that I've been married to him for 20% of my life already!  That number really took me by surprise.  By the time I'm 38 I'll have been married to him for half my life!  I love that we got married so young.  It certainly isn't for everyone, but it has turned out to be the best thing for us. : )  I love you, Nathan!

Five

What happened 5 years ago today? Hmm...

It was a very special day. Nathan and I were driving to my home town from Bethany to spend thanksgiving with my family. My parents had just moved into town from the acreage so on the way into town, Nathan and I stopped at the old place. Of course, the door was open (we didn't even receive a set of keys when we bought the place...we later bought new knobs that had keys, but we still never locked it!) so we went in to have one last look at what had been my home from ages 10 to 18. We wandered through each room, which were all, of course, empty, and when we got to my old bedroom, I started to cry. I missed it. I showed Nathan my wall, first in my closet and then behind the closet door, where I marked my growth on the first of every month for years. I saw my light fixture that I'd bought at a youth fundraiser auction. I saw my yellow walls and that hideous water filter that took up such precious real estate in my already small room. And I cried.

Before we left for the weekend, Nathan had made me promise that we would take a walk to my favorite place on our yard...a corner of a field. I had promised him that we would, but when I got all emotional, I said I just wanted to go into town. He tried to persuade me that a walk would make me feel better but, being the stubborn person that I am (not really), I refused to go. So Nathan improvised quickly and sat me down in the bay window in the empty living room. He knelt in front of me and said a bunch of nice stuff (which I just wrote off as him trying to make me feel better) and then he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. He ended his beautiful speech with the words, "Niki, will you marry me?"

I was shocked (I expected a proposal that weekend, but AFTER he'd seen my parents and asked my dad...sneaky boy went and called my dad on the phone before we left). Thankfully I recovered quickly and hugged him and said, "Of course!"

So today is the fifth anniversary of our engagement. Nathan is surprised each year that I remember this day and celebrate it. I guess it's because I always saw my dad get my mom flowers on the anniversary of their engagement so, naturally, I remember our special day. October 8, 2004. I'm not sure what I'm going to do today that's special. Nathan has class all day and we are having supper with another family here in the court tonight. If I had balloons, I would decorate a bit, but I don't even have that this year. Maybe I'll make a banner...haha. Wish me luck!