The rest of them :)

Ok, so as with most blog series, I am losing momentum and updates are coming less and less frequently again.  SO...here's the rest of the questions answered in the "getting to know myself" series.  Enjoy!  I'll try not to make them too long but no promises!

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

I think I would be a cat.  They can sit in the sun happily for hours and hours but still have the energy and agility to climb trees and hunt and pounce on each other.  They do whatever they feel like and can be both lazy and active.  In that way, I would say that if I were an animal, I would be a cat :)  Oh, and our one cat can go DAYS without seeing a human and I think that applies too ;)


16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? (in no particular order)

- I got married

- I brought my kids into the world

- I completed a seminary-level counseling course with flying colours.  I felt pretty good about it at the time.  I still feel pretty good about it... ;)

- we bought an acreage, something we didn't think we'd accomplish until much later in life.

- I've managed to be a stay-at-home mom for 3.5 years now without ever throwing my hands up and walking away for good.  I've wanted to.  I've been tempted.  But I never have.  At least no further than the driveway...


17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I wish I were great at talking to people.  I wish I were great at mingling and small talk.  I feel like it would be easier to make friends if I felt like I had stuff to talk to people about.  I feel like it would be less awkward to hang around the church foyer every week if I could easily strike up a conversation with absolutely anyone.  I wish I were great at conversation. 


20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

- I remember once when I was probably 6-7 years old and I was in the middle of a water fight in my yard, probably with my siblings, maybe some friends too.  I was standing on the outside of the 2 foot fence and laughing so hard.  I remember thinking, "This is the best day of my life!  This is a perfect day!  I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life!"  And I remember that moment exactly.  So I would call that a significant memory from my childhood, whether or not it had any meaning or weight to it :)

-  I remember shucking corn at my grandparents' farm when I was probably 8 years old and loving how soft the corn silk was!  While Mom and Grandma kept talking and working, I went to the treeline and made a little "log cabin" out of branches and twigs and carefully filled it with corn silk.  Then I put 1-2 baby kittens in there and added a roof so they would stay nice and cozy in their new little house.  I went back after supper/right before we were going to leave and the kittens were gone.  I was so worried that they would be lost because they were so little.  As an adult, I remember how close the treeline was to the house and they would never have been lost.  But I was so worried for them.

- I remember that my family used to have family nights where we would spend the evening once a week playing games together.  We would either play board games together or "find the stuffed animal by lantern-light" or whatever we felt like that evening.  One evening, we were playing sardines (basically a version of hide-and-seek where one person hides and everyone looks.  When someone finds you, they hide with you until everyone is there).  I remember climbing carefully behind Dad's guitar case that was propped against the wall beside their dresser.  I was tiny so I could fit into spaces nobody ever even thought to look.  I hid there a LONG time and remember needing to pee so bad but I couldn't leave my PERFECT hiding spot!  Finally I think I made noise - a lot of noise! - and people started finding me but yeah, I always remember that.  I remember it especially much these days as Levi has discovered hiding behind HIS daddy's guitar case and hides there on a daily basis when we play hide-and-seek.


22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5 years
I see myself hopefully still living here, Nathan working at the church.  I'm still a stay-at-home mom, most likely.  I don't see much being different except our kids would be older...Levi would be 8 and Kayden would be 4.  Crazy.  Perhaps more kids, and perhaps done growing our family.  Who knows.

10 years
I see myself hopefully still living here, Nathan working at the church.  At this point we might start asking ourselves if God is calling us somewhere else or to something else, though I'm hoping we can stay here a long time!  I see us being done growing our family, unless adoption is something we feel God is calling us to.  Levi would be 13 and Kayden would be 11.  Yikes.  I suddenly see myself having lots more time for drinking tea and reading books.  Haha.  I might start working part time at this point because kids would likely all be in school during the day.

15 years
This one is hard!  I've always found 5 years to be hard, never mind 15 years!  Let's see.  Levi would be 18 and graduated. Kayden would be 16 and driving.  Whew.  I would be looking ahead at us being empty nesters.  I might be thinking about what I might want to do once the kids are out of the house.  Might go back to school or start working towards goals that I would hope to have accomplished once the kids are all away from home (perhaps running a small business or something of that nature).  Again, I still hope that we will be here with Nathan working at the church or somewhere else in the area.


23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

- crocheting - I like it because I can take it out if I don't like it or change my mind and I haven't lost anything but time.  I also like it because it involves just enough concentration to keep me interested but not so much that I can't do other things like watch tv at the same time.  I also like that it can make me money ;)  But that is more of a bonus than a reason why I like it.

- reading - while I was getting up during the night - every night - with the kids, I couldn't read because I had no concentration whatsoever.  Years of interrupted sleep impacts so much more than your typical sleepiness/dragging feeling.  I couldn't concentrate so I couldn't read books.  I thought I had lost my love for reading but now that I'm sleeping so much better, I've been able to read again and I find that I still really enjoy it!  I love that I can escape everything that is going on in my mind and just be somewhere else.  I love that I can travel - both distance and time - just by opening a book.  I love that it's portable and that I can read anywhere.

- playing with finances/numbers.  It's not unusual that I spend an evening working on the "numbers"...bank accounts, excel documents, etc.  I love it because it gives me a sense of satisfaction to see everything line up and balance.  I love it because I can see exactly how long it will take us to reach financial goals.  I like it because I can plan and put things neatly into slots and it's all organized and it's one part of my life that nobody else can touch/mess up!  I'm just kidding about that last one.  Mostly.

- gardening - I always forget this one because it's so new!  As a kid, I hated everything to do with gardening.  I thought it was the most boring thing ever.  But now that I have my own gardens, it's all different. I enjoy planting things and watching them grow.  House plants?  Yes please.  I love to just wander around the house and look at how the different plants I have are growing and changing.  Unless, of course, the change is that they're dying.  Then it bugs me until I can figure out what's wrong and turn it around.  Most of the time I can't...

- cleaning - I love it because it needs to be done so I may as well enjoy it.  Right??  I also like the immediate results that come with a good cleaning.  There's nothing so calming as a freshly cleaned house.  That said, I find it futile as ever to clean with two young kids underfoot, so if you come into my house and it's untidy or a bit dirty...just know that I've let myself be ok with a little clutter and mess for this season of my life.  There will come a day when I'll have everything as clean as I like it again but for now, it's not happening.  I would drive myself nuts.  And hobby #6 is doing whatever I can to keep myself from going nuts. ;)


24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

I would say it is fairly similar.  Very warm home.  Kids know that parents love them unconditionally.  Lots of laughter.  Lots of play.  We pray together.  We work together.  We eat meals together.  It's a calm home without yelling/violence.  Dad works out of the home (also in a church, no less!) and Mom stays home.  If I had to come up with some differences...I'd say spanking is one.  I was spanked as a kid and we have chosen not to spank.  I am not necessarily against spanking, but with there being so many Christian homes who are "for" spanking, we didn't want others to see that and associate Christians with child-abusers.  At least that's one of my reasons.  We also see how Levi looks at us with fear when we discipline him physically (pinch/flick) and I can only imagine what a spank would do.  But I'm not getting into the whole spanking/not spanking debate.  I think both can be done well and both can be done poorly.  Another difference between my childhood family dynamic vs my family dynamic now...I don't know!  It's probably hardest for a stay-at-home mom to come up with differences unless she is trying to intentionally do things differently than her parents!  I just do what comes naturally as I make this home and a lot of that comes from what I was raised with.  Therefore, I think the family dynamics are fairly similar.


28. What is your love language?

My top love language... ... ... let me just go quickly find online quiz... ... ...

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/#discovery-whom

QUALITY TIME!  I probably didn't need a quiz to tell me that.  It came out WAY ahead!  It's always been like that. It was fun to try to explain that one to Nathan when we were dating because it was close to the bottom of his list. 

Me - "Yes, Nathan, if you make eye contact with me from across the Ad, I feel VERY loved!"
Nathan - "But...we're not even touching...?"

Acts of service was a not-so-close second (but still there!).  This one has come up on the list since having kids.  I used to not mind doing things on my own but now that there are kids to take care of in addition to getting things done, I feel VERY loved when Nathan serves me by either taking the kids or getting things around the house done when he can see that I've had a long day. :)


30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

- that I loved my family
- that I cared for people
- that I fed people well (I'm serious! haha)
- that the home I made was welcoming for everyone who entered
- that I knew how to laugh
- that I was easy-going
- that I was good with kids and loved babies (???) - this is getting hard!
- that I was generous
- that I put others ahead of myself - need to work on this one!
- that I was present with people


Well, that's the last question!  It feels good to be done.  I have tons of stuff floating around in my head these days but I'm just not sure how much of it I want to share here.  Perhaps my days of blogging my deepest, darkest secrets are behind me.  It was freeing and wonderful in its season - and I think God used my willingness to share - but I think now it's time to pull the curtains a little tighter and ponder more than share.  Maybe it will be time to share again one day.  Until then...this blog will be more of a surface update on family and life.  That is, if I ever find the time!  Thanks for reading!

The move...thoughts.

Well, it's official. The conditions have been removed on the sale of our house and we are moving. In just under two weeks. Bring on the packing! (With two little ones...gulp!)

I'm actually feeling pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments of "what are we doing???" and "are we sure we want to do this?" but now that the house is sold and the moving date is set, the excitement is just building and I'm getting ready to spend our first winter on the farm!  Well...acreage...

I have a few thoughts about this move:

First, moving in October isn't ideal.  I didn't think much of the fact that we might be moving in fall as this whole deal was coming together but now that I'm packing up, I feel like it's going against the grain of what my body is naturally wanting to do. Fall, for me, is a time of settling into routine, of making sure everything is ready for winter, of putting down roots and buckling down for the cold winter months ahead. I am very much a squirrel in that sense. And I never realized this about myself until this year, when I'm very much doing the opposite. For me to be putting everything into boxes and taking them to a new house in October...my body/mind doesn't know what to do with itself! I'm excited about the move yet I feel myself hanging back and wondering if I even really want to move. This concerned me a bit (um, not wanting to move when you are, in fact, moving is a terrifying feeling!) until I realized the squirrel thing, and then it made complete sense to me why I might be feeling more apprehension than expected. My subconscious is wanting me to stay and buckle down while my body is physically putting everything into boxes and getting ready to move.  Weird feeling, people. But it's all good. I find that often once I have words for how I'm feeling, once I can understand why I'm feeling the way I am, I can deal with it and let myself feel it.

Second, I'm a person who likes to know details and how everything is going to work out. Well, actually now that I write that, that doesn't feel quite right. I don't actually care about the details. There is a sense of adventure in not knowing the details and I'm good with adventure and spontaneity. I feel a bit suffocated if there's pressure on me to figure out all the details ahead of time. I honestly don't care much about the HOW. What I want to know is that it will, indeed, work out! If I know that, I have no problem letting the rest fall to whatever happens, happens.  My biggest worry is that somehow we'll just have so many unexpected expenses that we just simply won't be able to make it work. Cause really, we've never owned an acreage before so there could easily be expenses that we just didn't expect or plan for. We've done our research, but there's always SOMETHING that comes up and when you pay for your own water and sewer...there's alot more to go wrong to add unexpected expenses! The way this whole move has come together, though, has had God written all over it and I doubt He would lead us into financial ruin, so I guess I just need to trust that it will work out.  God has always provided in the past. ie: Hello, having an unexpected (prayed for and hoped for but unexpected nonetheless) baby right in the middle of two years of zero income while Nathan was a student. It worked out and I wouldn't change a thing!  It was an adventure! We just learned to trust that we would have what we needed, to be generous with what we were given, and to live on absolutely nothing. And it was quite an amazing time in our marriage! So I'm sure this will be good too ;)

I started packing today. I'd rather not rush so I'm giving myself two weeks to get everything moved. Yeah, sounds nuts and maybe it is. I've never packed a house with two kids but I've packed a house with zero kids in two days and one kid in under a week, though, so two weeks with two kids should be perfect!  Here's hoping!  And I've never had a helpful three year old packing with me so I'm sure that will speed up the process all the more!  Right? ;)

January 27's past...

Every once in a while I like to open my journal or blog and find entries that were written on this day in previous years.  Because it would be difficult to copy all the pictures from previous posts into this one, I'll just have to give you the links and let you read them from their original locations.  I can assure you, they really are a fun trip down memory lane!  Let's start at the beginning:

January 27, 2009 (the year we moved to Cali...knowing this will make the post much funnier.  I don't think we knew that we were moving yet at this point though...)

January 27, 2010 (pictures from our trip to San Francisco with my sister and her visit in Cali)

January 27, 2011 (picture post from Levi's fourth month)

Apparently I've only written on January 27 three times since I started blogging (or four if you count this post).  Huh.  Has anyone been reading from the beginning?  Anyone remember those first posts when I was back at Thoughts From Second Street? Now THAT was a while ago!  A lifetime ago, it feels like...

ENJOY!

Pictures from the Past

My mom sent a package of pictures to me this summer as I was collecting pictures for a slideshow for my brother's wedding.  I always love to see pictures from my childhood, especially ones that didn't make it into my personal childhood album.  Since I scanned them all, I thought I would share a few of me and my siblings.  I'm the middle child, the girl in the pictures who is the same size as her brother who's two years younger. (we were often mistaken for twins in these years)  My sister is only 13.5 months older than me, but there is a much bigger size difference between the two of us!  Now that we've all reached our full heights, my sister and I are closer (my sister still being a few inches taller than me) and my brother is 6'.  Crazy how that works.  I still think it should have been evened out a little more.  Nothing wrong with splitting the height genes and each being 5'6", right?  Or give my brother an extra couple inches and split the difference with my sister?  No?  Oh well.  I guess I"ll take all 4'10" that I have and wear heels when I must.  Anyway, enjoy!  Aren't we CUTE?!

Reading

I love reading Levi books.  He tends to have favourites that he gravitates to every time: 

This is a fairly decent selection of books, and sometimes he strays from these, but I usually read him at least one or two from this list every day.  I can't complain...most of them have a good amount of words and a good variety of themes.  It's not like he wants the same firetruck book read over and over and over...at least not yet!

I bought him some new books today at the MCC thrift store!  It's hard to beat 25-50c a book!  You never know what Levi is going to love and latch onto and what will sit on the shelf for the next 6 months, unopened.  But here are a few of the classics I stumbled upon that certainly brought back fond memories for me! 

We'll see if Levi likes any of these :)  And then this evening, after I tucked Levi into bed, I scouted amazon.ca looking for a few more memories and found these:

Do any of these books bring back memories for you?  It's amazing how it just takes me back in time to even just see these covers.  It's like I'm sitting in my mom's lap at bedtime, on the bottom bunk of the beds my sister and I shared, with my brother on one side and my sister on the other.  It's like I'm getting that book for my birthday all over again, or tucking it into my backpack in grade 1 as I take it home to practice my reading.  Memories are powerful, yes?  It's so much fun to look back...

Reminiscent and my Style

Nathan made a comment the other day. "Do you not like wearing colour?" I was caught off guard and said that of course I liked colour as I've always though of myself as someone who wears lots of colour!  Definitely not someone who is afraid of colour by any means...but then I got thinking.

I was folding laundry tonight and I noticed the following:
- one black t-shirt
- one blue at-home-only bunny hug
- one yellow shirt
- one deep purple t-shirt

And what I took off after wearing today:
- one brown hoodie
- one deep green t-shirt (don't judge...so I don't always match)

Ok, so this doesn't prove my point very well cause it looks like I have lots of colour in my everyday wardrobe.  My actual point is that I don't really have much colour at all!  And most of the colour I have is dull and rich, not bright and sparkly.  And it got me thinking.  I used to have tons of colour in my wardrobe.  What happened?  I went to dig through my high school photos to find some proof of a much livelier wardrobe from the past.

As I flipped through my high school photo album, I noticed that 98% of the clothing that I was wearing throughout the entire album (spanning 3 years of life) was either:
a) blue
b) white
c) black
d) brown

Huh?  What happened to the rainbow pallet that I was remembering?  There was only one picture in my entire album of me in a red shirt!  ONE!  So alas, I didn't take out any pictures to share with you to prove my point that I used to dress in colour.  (BUT I did snatch a few snapshots to share, just because it's fun!  And boy do they look dated.  And boy do I look young! But you'll have to wait until the end of the post to see 'em!)

Anyway, back to clothes.  It has me thinking.  WHY do I not wear colour?  I don't think I'm afraid of it.  I don't think I look bad in it.  Perhaps I'm so concerned about looking "my age" that I avoid colour in hopes of looking older?  Perhaps I have such a limited wardrobe that I feel like buying a red or purple or orange shirt would be inefficient (because all my clothes have to earn their keep in my closet and if EVERYTHING doesn't match with EVERYTHING else, I probably won't pick it up off the rack). But that said, I'm feeling like those are pretty lame excuses for a boring wardrobe!  I mean, I used to wear the fortrel pants and polyester shirts out of my mom's wardrobe from the 1970's without a second thought.  I had a shirt that was red gingham with pearlized snaps down the front that friends actually used to joke about having a picnic on (oh wait, I still have that one but haven't worn it in years!).  So what changed? 

I guess you can get away with anything in high school and I don't feel like you can get away with quite as much as an adult.  *sigh*  How boring.  My wardrobe used to really express who I was.  I had fun getting dressed in the morning.  I would spend hours before bed in the evening trying on different outfits, trying to find something interesting to wear the next day.  And I enjoyed it!  Now, I put on the easiest thing.  Jeans.  T-shirt.  Zip-up sweatshirt. (And it doesn't even take much thought because everything matches!) 6 out of 7 days, this is what I wear. And most of the time there is very little colour to it.  Browns, blacks, blues, greys.  I have the occasional yellow, orange, purple...but nothing amazing.  Nothing sparkly.  Nothing that says "look at me!  I'm having fun with life!" (sidenote: maybe I don't want people to notice me...hmm...maybe I'll feel too conspicuous if I dress any livelier...hmm...now that is hitting just a little too close to home.  Moving on!)

I think I need to pay more attention the next time I go shopping and intentionally buy some fun, not just functional, clothes.  That is, once I'm shopping for post-maternity clothes.  Or maybe maternity clothes is a good place to start experimenting?  If I hate them, I only have to wear them for the next 5 months...

But anyway, if you've survived my late-night ramblings, you have earned these.  Behold, I share with you a few snippets of my high school photo album.  Enjoy!

Permed hair days...me front and center (well, left-center)

Permed hair AND round glasses :D

Me in my high school soccer days...yes, those are hot peppers on my pants. I wore them through multiple games because it got so cold during soccer season.  And I loved them.  I'm pretty sure my little brother made them in home ec and they were too short for him so he cut them off to my length and gave them to me :D

More high school soccer.  I loved those out of town games...especially the trips to and from them!

Aah, the carefree days of summer.  Well, maybe full of drama is more accurate.  Remember high school drama?  See the hand on the right-hand side pushing the merry-go-round?  That was my high school crush of 2 or 3 years and first boyfriend.  Notice the conveniently placed blur over the face in the top-right corner?  Haha...just wanted to be considerate and protect his identity :D

Me-->M-->my sister, A, at our baptism at a river near my hometown

My first, and only, mugshot.

I'M WEARING RED!!! This is the one picture in my album that I was talking about where I'm wearing red.  I should really wear it more.  I'm smokin' in red...

And last but not least, me and M at our high school graduation.  Aah...that feels like so, so long ago...

Home(s)

I've been thinking lately about the different places that I've called home in my life.  Places I've lived since I was 5 are the places that have the most memories in them (obviously).  Paraguay is special to me in a different way, but it doesn't really come to mind in the same category as other places I've called home.  But isn't it interesting how living in a place for a time just etches it into your mind and heart and it's sometimes hard to let go? 

H.B. - I spent my entire elementary and high school years in HB.  All my childhood memories are from there.  I graduated high school there.  I was proposed to there.  I was married there.  My parents and grandma and some uncles/aunt/cousins still live there.  HB will always be home to me in one way or another!  I don't look forward to the day when I have no reason to go back there...

H-burn - While this place does have wonderful memories for me (Bible college, meeting Nathan, dating Nathan, being engaged to Nathan, bringing our first child home to H-burn), it's always been a transitory place and therefore has a bit of a different feel to me.  I was never settled there.  I never let my roots go down deep because I always knew that I would be leaving before long.  I've lived in H-burn a total of about 22 months over the span of about 7 years, but those months were split up over 3 different periods of time.  Hepburn has always been a place about looking ahead to what's next, though obviously still enjoying the present.

A-town - The first place Nathan and I lived after being married (besides our 3 month stay at camp!) was A-town!  It was the place we had our first apartment, the place we bought our first house, the place both of us had our first "real" jobs.  It was the place where we made the transition from kids to adults...and what an interesting transition that was!  haha.  Oh boy.  A-town attracted us because it was far from parents and gave us a good opportunity to solidify our marriage by being on our own without a parental "safety net," so to speak.  I'd say that was a good decision on our part, but after a few years, we were really wishing that we were a bit closer to family when it came to holidays, especially since A-town is so family-oriented - something I appreciate very much about it.  A-town is where we thought we would start our family, where we dreamed of bringing our first child home to.  A-town is where we got our first dog and where we thought our kids would one day go to school.  We made friends there, we were involved in a church there, we worked there and played there and put down roots there.  It truly became home over the 4 years that we were there and it still feels like home when we drive through.

California! - While we knew we were only in California for a short time and, in the same way as H-burn, it was a transient place for us, it became home and stole my heart in a completely different way than H-burn did.  Maybe it had something to do with the people we met there and the community in which we lived.  Maybe it was because we were so far from the Canadian border that we had to make ourselves at home for fear of being incredibly homesick if we didn't.  Whatever it was, I find my mind and heart being drawn back to that place alot these days.  Smells on the street here take me back to the Vallarta across the street from where we lived.  The cool but warming-up mornings this spring remind me of the winter/spring weather down there in January/February.  And while the people we met there are now spread across Canada/the USA, I still find myself wanting to road trip down there and spend some time in that place that became home for those 9 months that we were there.  Plus, that's the place Levi started his life, where we thought we lost him, and where we got almost weekly glimpses of our growing baby via ultrasound.  That alone made it a special place :)

W-town - And now we live in this place and it's exactly what we prayed for and already it's special.  It's a small town in the province where we wanted to be.  Great church.  Wonderful people.  We love it here and already we're dreaming of Levi going to school here, hopefully bringing a few more children home to this place, and maybe, just maybe, having our children graduate here!  That's a bit of a long shot, but we hope that we are here to stay and already, after only 8 months, we have so many great memories in this place. 

Which of your homes is the most special or memorable to you?  Which was most transient?  Which was your least favourite?  Homes are interesting things, no?

clean and tidy

Tonight as Levi has been falling asleep, I've been tidying the house.  Not cleaning, per se, but just putting things back into their place.  I've been working my way from one end of the house to the other, top floor and basement, just straightening and organizing and setting things right again.  And here's what I've realized:

I've become way too accustomed to seeing things out of their place.  

For example, I tidied the basement rec/family room and thought, "There.  That's pretty good." And then I stepped back to look at it again and saw that there were still two or three remotes laying around, one right there in the middle of the floor.  There were still a couple of alphabet blocks scattered along the walls.  And I hadn't even touched my desk!  Wow.  I came upstairs and there was still a pair of Levi's socks in the hall that I'd meant to take to the "too small" box downstairs.  Levi's belt was still sitting beside the dryer where it fell as I did laundry today.  I just have gotten too used to seeing random things around the house in random places.  Now, that is partly due to having a son who loves to carry things around the house and drop them wherever he sees something more interesting to pick up.  It brings me great joy to find some of these treasures (broom in bedroom, hairspray in living room, cup at the end of the hall by the deck door).  But I bet that's not the whole reason.  I think I've just become a bit lax when it comes to keeping the house tidy. Instead of putting things away when I'm finished with them - like my mom tried to teach me over and over again growing up - I've gotten into the habit (anyone else tend to spell "habit" like "hobbit" with two "b"'s?) of just moving on to the next thing and leaving my project sitting on the floor for days or putting something in a pile to be dealt with later.  I still have Christmas cards/letter sitting on the microwave from December for crying out loud!  It's been two months!  And yet, I am just so used to seeing them there and have no idea what to do with them, so there they sit.

Today I was watching Levi play, like I often do.  He was playing with his Little People Barn that he got for Christmas.  It is interesting because, when he plays, he is very intentional about all his animals standing on their feet.  If he puts the goat in the barn and it falls over in the process, he'll carefully reach in and set it back on its feet.  Seeing this got me thinking about whether this will be a life-long characteristic of his...will he always be particular and want things to be proper and in their place?  I have had phases in my life where I have been like that.  Everything had to be in its place, facing the right direction, and no clutter piles whatsoever.  (My dorm rooms at Bible college, both first and second year, were amazingly clean and tidy ALL.THE.TIME.)   And you know, life is alot less stressful like that!  I enjoy having a place for everything and putting things back where they belong as soon as I'm finished with them (or at least at the end of the day).  But it's easy to get lazy when there is a house full of people (and animal) who don't necessarily have the same vision as you.

Well, all this is to say that yes, my house can get untidy.  It is usually clean (enough), but the clutter builds up.  I'm human.  I admit it.  BUT, my goal after this evening, is to designate a place for everything and then, instead of just getting lazy and making piles everywhere of things to be put away, I think I might actually try putting stuff away right away!  Could you imagine?  Putting something away as soon as you're finished with it instead of just setting it aside to be cleaned up later?  Oh, what freedom the evenings would bring!  haha.  Well, it's been nice to dream.  Back to tidying the house...!

February - A Month of Promise

February will always mean a little something extra to me.  It was never a particularly special month to me growing up.  It was shorter than the rest of the months, even on a leap year.  It had Valentine's day, now also Family Day.  But it was still winter and just meant another month of winter routine. 

Eventually I got married and, just over a year later, we started trying to grow our family.  Years came and went and still we weren't pregnant.  I remember one day as I was praying and pleading with God to give us a child, I heard God say, "Expect a baby in February."  That was it.  No details other than that. 

This statement stuck with me and one or two February's came and went with still no sign of a baby.  I had pretty much forgotten about this promise until February 13, 2010.  I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  As soon as I saw that positive, I remembered God's words from years earlier.  And I knew that this was God fulfilling his promise to me: "Expect a baby in February."

I still find myself doubting that God actually speaks.  That He actually answers our prayers and can be trusted.  I find myself knowing in my head, but wondering in my heart.  But when February comes, it will always be a reminder to me that God does speak.  That He does answer prayers and keep His promises. 

I am humbled and amazed...God you are good and your mercy endures forever...

A little "in"...

Here's a little "in" on what I used to do in my spare time back in high school:

I dug these out of a box when I was at my parents' place this Christmas.  I was SO proud of them back in the day.  I was probably around 13 when I made the rabbits and maybe a bit older when I made the dolls.  Not sure.  Definitely still in school though.  My great-grandma used to make dolls like the ones in the top picture and, when I found some doll faces in my mom's craft stuff, I decided to make some dolls of my own.  They are supposed to have little vinyl hands as well, but I guess we didn't have any of those lying around.  What do you think, if I could get my hands on some more of those vinyl faces/hands, do you think that there would be a market for things like this in my Uniquely Me Design shop?

One of the latest...

I've always loved the idea of marking kids heights regularly as they grow up.  Growing up, I was somewhat preoccupied with my height, always wishing that I was just a couple inches taller. (throughout junior high and high school, I would faithfully record my height behind my closet door in my room and, despite nobody noticing, I DID go through a fairly significant growth spurt where I grew about 1 inch a month for at least 6 months to a year) Maybe that's the reason I've always been fascinated with marking growth, or maybe I'm just a little sentimental like that.  Whatever the case, I realized when I moved away from the room with all my markings behind the closet that whenever I had kids, I would need something more transportable.  I did copy down all of my markings on a sheet of paper and measured how far from the floor it should go, but it's just not the same. : )

So, as Levi's first birthday was approaching, I was keeping my eye out for a growth chart idea.  I fell in love with one on Pinterest (of course) and set to work.  It was fairly easy to make and I finally hung it today.  I'd say it turned out pretty well.  What do you think?

You can find the tutorial I followed HERE.  It was a super-affordable project too!  The 1x6 I used was $3.50.  The black paint I already had.  And the sawtooth picture hanger on the back was $3.50 for a pack of 10.  Total=$7

On Mother's Day...

I just wrote this big long post about Mother's Day.  And then I didn't post it.  So many thoughts have been going through my head.  I guess my biggest question is how do I reconcile the side of me that struggled through infertility and hated Mother's Day, and the side of me that is thrilled to be a mom and wants to celebrate?  I guess I feel like, by celebrating the day, I automatically become one of "them" who blindly skips through the day, juggling flowers, hand-made cards, and the diaper bag while those on the sidelines feel like they've been steamrolled.  Yet I do feel like celebrating!  I have the most adorable little boy in the world and I want to rejoice in the fact that I have been given the gift of being his mommy!  You don't need to tell me that I have every right to rejoice.  You don't need to tell me that I don't need to feel bad about celebrating.  I know that I can celebrate.  And I do.  Every day.  But I don't feel like I'm doing my younger self justice if I don't at least pause and look around me for those who are standing in the church service with tears in their eyes or who are aching from the inside out.  I didn't experience infertility for nothing and I don't want to come out the other side of it unchanged and insensitive.  Yet at the same time, I don't feel like I felt then.  The pain is fading.  My memory is fading.  How can I hold onto those memories and the things that shaped me while also celebrating my motherhood and rejoicing in my child(ren)?  Those are just some of the things running through my mind these days...

February 13, 2010

What an exciting and unbelievable day.

One year ago today, we found out about Levi. 

(did I knock the breath out of anyone with that picture?  you're welcome.)

Of course, a year ago we had no idea that "it" was in fact Levi.  But it turns out that it was!  Boy were we excited to see those two pink lines...

It's amazing what can change in a year...

(there's a 7.5 week old Levi in there)

Last year I was spending my days crocheting, hanging out with friends in the Court (at seminary), sewing, and pretty much just being a normal seminary wife.

Now, one year later, we have a bouncing (literally, he's in his Jolly Jumper as I type) 4 month old baby boy.  He's wonderful, amazing, adorable, and ours.  A year ago today is when one of my life's dreams came true.  Wow.  I will never take that for granted.

This guy was worth all the waiting...all the tears and worries and stress and pain.

What a year it's been!

full circle...

Seven years ago, I was pulling onto the Bethany campus for the very first time.  The back seat and trunk of the car were packed full of the only things that would be familiar to me the next morning when I woke up.  Clothes, bedding, school supplies, computer, books...my little brother was back there too, somewhere, but he was part of the empty car returning home without me.  Meanwhile, I was "nestled" in the front seat of the car between my mom and dad in what was my favourite place throughout childhood: front in the middle.  (What an odd way to start my college life...reverting back to childhood for a 4 hour drive between my parents)

When I started at Bethany, I had never seen the campus before and I knew no one.  How did I choose Bethany if I knew so little about it?  Well, I started my search with a list of Bible schools from across Canada and the US.  When I'd started looking for Bible schools (after deciding not to attend university in January of my grade 12 year), I was not someone who wanted to play it safe and stay close to home.  Translation?  The further from home the better.  I was convinced that I was NOT staying in Saskatchewan after grad, and for sure not moving to Saskatoon.  After all, that's where far too many grads from my hometown end up.  Well, I learned to never say never.  In the end, I applied to two Bible colleges, both of which sounded exactly the same to me and both of which were in Saskatchewan: Millar and Bethany.  I had no idea which one to choose, so I decided that I would attend the first one to get back to me with an acceptance letter.  Bethany won.

Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous on that first day at school.  It was my first time living away from home, my first time moving somewhere where I knew absolutely no one.  But I saw it as a big adventure and I embraced it!  I didn't feel shy or afraid of being alone.  The first evening, I had 5 or 6 other girls in my room and we became quick friends.  My first trip home from school was for Christmas break and then not again until the end of second semester.  I loved my new life of independence (though for the first time I had a curfew, which I thought was quite strange for this stage of life...).

Today many nervous, excited freshmen are moving out of their parents' houses for the first time and have no idea what to expect here at Bethany.  There is a steady stream of vehicles pulling onto campus, parents unloading their beloved children, and empty vehicles leaving.  There is an excited buzz around campus today and I can't help but remember my first day here.  I never would have guessed that years later I would be married and living on campus again, getting ready to raise my first child here.  Life sure can be unpredictable.  I wouldn't even have guessed a year ago that this is where we would be now!  Makes me wonder where we'll be in another 7 years...

Back in the Kitchen...

Is it just me or is there something about being out of a kitchen for 6 weeks that just makes you want to bake and cook til the cows come home?  Seriously, while I'm "not cooking" I think of a zillion meal ideas and just can't wait until I am cooking again full time.  Unfortunately, I never write these ideas down and, once I'm back in the kitchen, I am searching desperately for meal ideas by the third day.  But when I do find an idea, I go to town!

There is something about a break from the kitchen that makes cooking and baking new, fresh, and enjoyable again.  Last night I decided that I was going to make sweet & sour meatballs with rice for supper.  It was one of my favourites while growing up and those are the things that appeal to me most these days.  I looked briefly for the recipe but with my Mennonite Treasury of Recipes packed away, I was left to fulfill my craving by memory.  Meatballs was one of the things that I often enjoyed making with my mom while I was growing up.  I loved getting my hands into the meat and mixing it all together (bear with me), shaping each individual meatball, and then plunking it carefully into the frying pan next to all the rest.  Cooking the meatballs was my favourite part, though with the frying pan so hot, I would often get splashes of grease stinging my hands and arms.  Of course it was never enough to burn me, and the fun of watching the meatballs until they were halfway cooked and then flipping them over to cook on the other side far out-weighted any spitting grease that came my way!  And the memory of making meatballs with my mom is what gave me the recipe yesterday.  I remembered mixing the meat with my hands and therefore could picture the different ingredients that went into them.  They didn't turn out quite as yummy as my mom's always did, but they never do, do they?  Some things just need a mother's touch, I guess...

Just now I was making some brownies.  (Have I mentioned how nice it is to just be able to walk into the kitchen and satisfy my cravings?!)  Another memory came to me as I was using as spatula to scrape the last of the brownie batter into the pan.  See, for the first few years that I remember helping my mom in the kitchen, she didn't have a spatula.  Different people have different "essentials" in their kitchens and, in my mom's kitchen, a spatula just wasn't one of those essentials.  I specifically remember the day my mom got a spatula.  It was August of 1994.  My parents were leading a missions trip to Paraguay, South America and our whole family was able to go along.  While we were gone for those 6 weeks, an interim pastoral couple stayed in our house and carried out the pastoral "duties" that my dad was missing while out of the country.  When we arrived home, we found a few new things in our kitchen...things that were obviously "essentials" in this other woman's kitchen that she hadn't found in my mom's kitchen.  Among those goodies was a rubber spatula.  I remember being quite disappointed in this new appliance the next time my mom baked something.  That spatula was far too efficient, leaving next to nothing in the bowl for us kids to enjoy!  My life changed a little that day.  I must say, though, that my mom got quite good at not using her spatula to the best of it's ability.  Somehow there was always a bit of batter left in the bottom of the bowl for her kids to lick out. : )

I hope my kids enjoy helping their mommy in the kitchen as much as I (sometimes) enjoyed helping my mom!

The Big Unveiling...

At long last, my nieces have received their gift from me so I can finally post pictures and let you all know what it is that I made them!

Behold...fabric "paper" dolls:

Each of these dolls is made of felt.  They have velcro attached at certain points which allow the clothes to just be stuck right on!  No more ripping paper dolls!  Each doll came with her own set of clothes...complete with shoes and bows for the hair.

My sister and I each have a set of these dolls, made by our aunt, from when we were young and I remember always loving to dress and re-dress my doll.  When I found out that I would be having two new nieces this spring, I thought this would be a fun gift.  No, they won't be able to use them for a few years yet, but I don't think I would have had the time in a few years to make them!  They were fun to make, but LOTS of work!

 ______________________________________

Sidenote: I haven't been able to go through my boxes of baby stuff yet, seeing as they're at the back and bottom of our pile of boxes in the basement. *sigh* BUT, my sister-in-law, K, was wonderful enough to bring me a bag of gender-neutral baby clothes that they won't be using so I could get my hands on some little baby things and dream of the little person who will fill those clothes one day soon.  Some days it just feels too good to be true.  What a miracle and blessing.  I certainly don't take any moment of this pregnancy for granted...

The Local Eating Trend...

There has been a trend in the last few years when it comes to eating.  It is called Local Eating, or eating locally.  The idea is for individuals to choose to eat foods which are in season and grown within a short distance from where they live.

The problem I've always had with this concept is that the people I've heard about who have chosen to eat like this live in areas where there is always something in season.  If this is the case where you live, wonderful!  It is a great way to do your part for the environment and to be responsible for the world around you.  But my question has always been, "What happens if you live on the Canadian prairies and nothing is in season for 9 months of the year?"  I feel like telling the warmer-climate hippies to bite their tongues because obviously they are blind to what winter means for us.

I wasn't even thinking about this question, though, when I discovered that, while growing up, my family really did eat mostly local produce year round!  I had no idea that my mom was so "ahead of the times"!  (I bet Mom didn't either, did you Mom?)  I was shocked to see that it can work, even in the dead of a Saskatchewan winter.  Here's how we did it:

My mom would always have a garden.  In it she would plant cucumbers, potatoes, peas, corn, carrots, onions, tomatoes, peppers, beans (sometimes?), cabbage, and lettuce (am I forgetting anything?).  I also remember having kohlrabi one year, as well as squash.  Rhubarb and raspberries were also grown every year.  These vegetables would basically feed our family all winter.  My mom would spend all summer tending to the garden, planting, hilling, fencing, weeding, picking, etc. 

Once the garden was stripped of all its vegetables, the job wasn't done.  Vegetables don't feed a family all winter without a little help.  Potatoes, carrots and onions were put into storage in a cold room to be used throughout the winter.  Peas and corn were frozen.  Tomatoes were made into sauce and canned.  Cucumbers were made into both relish and pickles.  And, of course, much of the produce was eaten fresh, as that's when it always tastes best!


It's true, I didn't grow up with a variety of vegetables.  We didn't have salads year-round, and our vegetable side dishes were often peas or corn.  But it was a balanced diet nonetheless, and we were all healthy and happy.  And we were helping the environment more than I ever realized... 

Thanks, Mom, for all your hard work in the garden every summer.  Sorry I didn't help out more than you made me!  I do hope to have a big garden one day and provide for my family the way you provided for us.  Thank-you!

Lennox's Birthday!

It's Lennox's birthday today!  He's four!  Our puppy is all grown up.  We can't wait to see him again...

These are some pictures from our little "birthday celebration" last year.  I can't believe that was only a year ago...feels like forever.  For the whole story, click HERE.

A Summer Read...

When I was young, probably starting around the time I started reading, my summers would always be filled with reading clubs.  Either through our local library, or through a Christian Book distributor (whoever had the better prizes!), I would sign up and fill out page after page of books that I'd read throughout summer vacation.  I would read while we were in the car on vacation.  I would read before going to bed.  I would read to and from trips to town in our car.  I would read in the hammock.  I would spend entire days just reading!

I have such fond memories of checking out book after book (usually 10 or 15 at a time!) from our library and poring over them, just absorbing the stories.  As I got older, my summers ceased to involve reading clubs.  I was a bit sad when I reached their age limits.  I've always continued to read, though.

Often in my summers, I like to pick out a book from my growing up years and re-read it while on vacation.  There is something so simple and wonderful about going outside with a good book and spending hours just swaying in a hammock and experiencing someone else's story for a while.  I'm not sure what my summer read will be this year.  A couple years ago (four summers ago) I re-read Charlotte's Web while at Nathan's grandma's cottage out in Ontario. Whatever I choose this year, I have a feeling that it'll be a wonderfully relaxing summer...

What is your favorite childhood chapter book?  Any suggestions for my summer reading list?

My first thought...

My first thought when I woke up this morning was,

"It's Tuesday!  Muffin morning!"

Not since Bethany, Niki.  It's been almost 5 years since you've experienced a Bethany muffing morning...

My next thought was,  
 "Where's the bucket?" 
That's right, it's a sick day in bed for me.  Must be something going around...