12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
My days usually start between 6:30-8:30 am and they usually start one of two ways: I hear soft talking and giggling from the crib in the next room...happy noises. Perfect way to start the day. Less perfect if the hour is pre-8am but lovely noises nonetheless. Second way my day might start: shrieks and screams jolt me awake and I try to run to the next room before the screaming/crying kid (often of the male variety in this house) wakes the other kid. These are less than ideal mornings and may or may not indicate how the rest of the day will go.
Once it's clear that we're up for the day, we drag ourselves out of bed and get something for Kayden to eat. That girl starts the day HUNGRY and will rarely wait for breakfast for more than 20 minutes after waking for the day. Once she's happily snacking on whatever we can find (often a muffin from the freezer - not thawed...she seems to prefer it that way, screaming if we put it in the microwave), we try to convince Levi to eat something too. He is a grazer. A VERY light grazer and trying to convince him to eat is like pulling teeth. I seriously wish I could inject nourishment into him some days because he gets grumpy as ever without food (a trait lovingly passed down from his daddy) yet is quite picky and rarely feels like eating. Not helpful, buddy.
With the kids eating, I often check a little fb/email before sitting down to eat my own breakfast. Why check those things first, you ask? Well, the first few minutes that the kids are hungrily ingesting breakfast are quiet and uninterrupted. If I can get the morning check out of the way, I can put my phone away for a few hours and just BE. While we're having breakfast, Nathan is getting ready for work and usually walks out the door while we're still at the table (though not before kissing us each good-bye!).
After breakfast we get dressed and the kids play. If I have anything to do that day like laundry, baking, etc, now is the time I start that. Sometimes we head outside after breakfast, especially now that it's nice outside. Around 10-10:30, Kayden goes down for her morning nap and Levi and I have about an hour to play together - or else I continue whatever it is that I'm doing that day (laundry, etc). Once Kayden wakes up, it is almost lunch time so I get some lunch ready while two hungry kids play in the kitchen and beg for snacks. I put lunch on the table and if I've served anything but noodles and hot dogs, I hear, "Mama, I don't like what you made!" cue: tears and running to the couch to pout (Levi). Mama gets frustrated but says very calmly, "Well, Levi, that's what we're having today. You can either eat it or wait for supper." He usually ends up eating it :)
After lunch, the kids play for a few more minutes while I clear the table and before long Kayden is ready for her afternoon nap, which is about 2-2.5 hours after she wakes up from her morning nap. She goes to bed and Levi heads to the living room for quiet time. I set the timer for 75 minutes on the microwave and usually head to the couch to do some crocheting. Or painting the last two days. But most often this is my crocheting time. These are the only 75 minutes in my day that are MINE. Though Levi's "regularity" has timed itself to quiet time so I usually hear a plea and end up having to tend to bathroom duties once or twice during this time. Though Levi has started taking himself to the bathroom so I only need to go to "finish up" in there. So nice.
When the microwave timer goes, I hear "Mama, can I come out now?" from the living room and I call "Come!" to him. He runs to me with a big smile on his face (quiet time is good for BOTH of us!) and says, "Mama, I want to watch a cooking show!" and "Mama, I want a snack." So I get him a snack - afternoon snack is a "treat" snack...this is the time of day when he knows he gets something sugary/salty for a snack. The rest of the time when he asks for snacks, he gets offered fruit or cheese or whatever else healthy I can think of. But right after quiet time we throw proper nutrition out the window and he can have a cookie or some candy or melted chocolate with chips to dip. And he loves cooking shows. It has to be close to a year now that he has asked to watch cooking shows with me. I can't complain!
When Kayden wakes up, I give her some snack too and, once snack is finished, we go outside for a bit. That is, if we have time. I try to get myself and the kids out at least a bit every day. It's hard to squeeze it in sometimes between naps and meals and snacks (especially in winter when "going outside" is an hour-long activity with all the snow suits and boots that need to be put on!). But we try to get out for fresh air at this point. Around 4-4:30 I start some supper (earlier if it's something that takes longer, obviously). Nathan gets home usually between 5-5:30 and I try to have supper ready between 5-6. After supper, I do the dishes and Nathan plays with the kids. It may seem like work to have to do the dishes after a full day and preparing the meal BUT, it is quite relaxing to know that for those 30 minutes I have no kid responsibility. All I need to do is get the dishes done, the house tidied, and floor swept. Aah...
Around 7pm we start bedtime routine. The kids watch some shows on the computer while they have night snack at the table. Levi's favourite is a Leap Frog Word Whammer show that Nathan found on Youtube. It's a show about learning to read. Kayden rarely watches as long as Levi so she gets some one-on-one time with either me or Nathan for a bit before bed. Then it's time to brush teeth (Kayden actually has some teeth now so she gets in on this as of 6 weeks ago!), pee, and get into pj's. Levi chooses two stories and Kayden sits at the bookshelf and "reads" her board books while either Nathan or I reads Levi his stories. Kayden's favourite is "The Monster at the End of this Book." She reads it every night and will often hold it out to us so that we will read it to her too. But if we try to read Kayden more than one story, Levi jumps in and says, "No! Kayden is only allowed to have one story!" He is one for rules, that boy. He is only allowed to have two stories and Kayden is only allowed to have one. No if's, and's or but's. That's how it is. With stories read, it's into bed for the kids. By this time it is often close to 8:30pm. We pray with them, tuck them in, and turn on their bedtime music. Sometimes they are asleep before we even leave the room it seems, while other nights (like tonight) they play together until after 9pm before falling asleep.
After the kids are in bed, I tidy the house one last time. I put away what's left of night snack. Then, once I'm sure that absolutely every chore that I feel I need to do is finished (I hate the feeling of sitting down and then realizing there's more I need to do), I sit on the couch and pull out my crocheting again. 10-10:30pm rolls around and it's time to head to bed. The light is usually not out before 11 though. And goodnight. The kids mostly sleep through the night, though probably 1 in every 3 nights one of the kids is up for the bathroom or teething or something. But sleeping through the night 60% of the time is feeling SO good. It was a long 3 years of being up much, much more than that. :)
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Number 7 - Dream Job
7. What is your dream job, and why?
No surprise to anyone who has been reading my blog for any amount of time...my dream job is being a stay-at-home mom. I'm living the dream. :)
Why? Because I can totally run my own schedule (except for the two little people who try to steer the schedule awry).
I can set the vision and carry out the vision without having to follow someone else's vision that I may or may not agree with.
I can be 100% self-motivated (or not motivated at all but at least I don't have anyone on my tail to meet deadlines - ha!).
I am literally pouring myself out every day for my family and not running out. I think that is a sign that you're working in the right job. To be able to give and give and give without even thinking about how much it's costing because as you pour out, you are also being filled.
No surprise to anyone who has been reading my blog for any amount of time...my dream job is being a stay-at-home mom. I'm living the dream. :)
Why? Because I can totally run my own schedule (except for the two little people who try to steer the schedule awry).
I can set the vision and carry out the vision without having to follow someone else's vision that I may or may not agree with.
I can be 100% self-motivated (or not motivated at all but at least I don't have anyone on my tail to meet deadlines - ha!).
I am literally pouring myself out every day for my family and not running out. I think that is a sign that you're working in the right job. To be able to give and give and give without even thinking about how much it's costing because as you pour out, you are also being filled.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
And then I tried something new...
Anyone tired of hearing about sleep on this blog? Haha. That makes it unanimous. I wish it wasn't something that consumed so much of my time/energy. But alas...that's just life with babies. And really, as tired as I am, I'll take it because sleep struggles come part and parcel with snuggles and laughter and playtime ;) (good thing!)
In a rush of frustration and exhaustion, I made Kayden a bed right beside my bed the other day. If I'm going to stop fighting the night-time feeds, I'm going to embrace it and try to make them as relaxing and restful as possible for myself. Forget when they say my baby "should" be sleeping through the night by. Forget when they say my baby should be not needing night feeds anymore by. Forget what "they" say about co-sleeping stunting babies' ability to put themselves to sleep. My baby puts herself to sleep just fine for naps and at bedtime. The fact is that she wakes often during the night and if she's still doing it after four attempts at sleep training, then she must need SOMETHING from me through the night. So I'm going to forget what "they" say my baby needs or doesn't need and I'm going to follow my instincts. And I'm going to do what I need to do to survive. And right now that means rolling over and being able to "shh" my baby while still half asleep...or feed her without getting out of bed. And I have to say, as much as I resisted this idea of "co-sleeping," it really is quite nice to not have to walk through the dark, cold house a few times a night :) We'll see how this goes...if all goes well, we'll all be feeling alot more rested in the weeks to come!
As a parent, especially a mother, you hear so many theories about what babies need or don't need and by what age. And don't get me wrong, a lot of it can be very helpful. I'm all for moms giving each other advice and helping each other out! That's why I'm constantly asking for advice and for what has worked for other moms. Sometimes you just need fresh ideas. But when your baby doesn't respond to the things that worked for other moms, then it's important to recognize when you need to just start ignoring what you hear and focus on what comes naturally. Then it's time to get creative and figure out what works for you and your family and your baby. Unfortunately this will likely involve some trial and error. Let's hope this latest sleeping arrangement trial doesn't involve the word "error"... ;)
After four months of trying various sleep training methods and trying, night after night, to night-wean my girl, I have officially given up. Every time I gathered up a bit of energy and determination and tried to teach my daughter to sleep through the night, I was left feeling exhausted. Kayden, who for the first 6 months of her life was only up twice a night like clockwork, started waking more and more instead of less and less. But the alternative to feeding her on demand through the night? Being awake with a crying baby for 2-3 hours every night only to have her wake 3 hours later expecting to be fed again. I just can't do it anymore. I need to be able to function and it's far easier to just get up for a quick feed than to deal with a tired, crying baby in the wee hours. And really, why try? She will eventually sleep through the night. I've done what I could to encourage her and four exhausting months later I'm ready to try something different. Or rather, I'm ready to stop trying.
In addition to sleep training not working, the kids sharing a room hasn't been working out wonderfully. It has been a pain. It works well...until it doesn't. And then we have a three year old waking up a 9 month old and we spend the next two hours with an overtired, crying baby while an overtired preschooler struggles to sleep. No more, people. It's time for this house to get some serious shut-eye. Behold, my solution:
In a rush of frustration and exhaustion, I made Kayden a bed right beside my bed the other day. If I'm going to stop fighting the night-time feeds, I'm going to embrace it and try to make them as relaxing and restful as possible for myself. Forget when they say my baby "should" be sleeping through the night by. Forget when they say my baby should be not needing night feeds anymore by. Forget what "they" say about co-sleeping stunting babies' ability to put themselves to sleep. My baby puts herself to sleep just fine for naps and at bedtime. The fact is that she wakes often during the night and if she's still doing it after four attempts at sleep training, then she must need SOMETHING from me through the night. So I'm going to forget what "they" say my baby needs or doesn't need and I'm going to follow my instincts. And I'm going to do what I need to do to survive. And right now that means rolling over and being able to "shh" my baby while still half asleep...or feed her without getting out of bed. And I have to say, as much as I resisted this idea of "co-sleeping," it really is quite nice to not have to walk through the dark, cold house a few times a night :) We'll see how this goes...if all goes well, we'll all be feeling alot more rested in the weeks to come!
As a parent, especially a mother, you hear so many theories about what babies need or don't need and by what age. And don't get me wrong, a lot of it can be very helpful. I'm all for moms giving each other advice and helping each other out! That's why I'm constantly asking for advice and for what has worked for other moms. Sometimes you just need fresh ideas. But when your baby doesn't respond to the things that worked for other moms, then it's important to recognize when you need to just start ignoring what you hear and focus on what comes naturally. Then it's time to get creative and figure out what works for you and your family and your baby. Unfortunately this will likely involve some trial and error. Let's hope this latest sleeping arrangement trial doesn't involve the word "error"... ;)
Thursday, November 21, 2013
quiet, but not gone.
This blog is sadly neglected. It's not that I don't have anything to write. I do think of things. It's just that, when I sit down to write it, it's all gone. Like, completely not there anymore. I open up good 'ol blogger and it's just gone. I guess that's what long days with kids (and long nights with kids) will do to you. I find that my memory is just not there anymore. I chalk it up to sleep-deprivation but I hear it never comes back once you're a mom so who knows. Maybe it's gone for good.
I do notice that alot of the things that I think of during the day are just not enough for a complete blog post. I think of plenty of things that I think I should blog about but then realize that I've got about a facebook status worth of words about that topic. So it either goes on fb or just doesn't get said. Usually the later.
For example:
Levi calls coyotes "kye-roots". It's super cute. Cute that he talks about "kye-roots" at all but extra cute that he says it like he does. I've stopped correcting his pronunciation on these sorts of words. It is just too fun to listen to him talk and once he realizes the real way to say it, he will never say it the cute way again. For example, the word "music" used to be "moogit." Adorable. Simply adorable. But now, if I say "moogit" to him, he just looks at me funny. *sigh* My boy is growing up. So I'll soak up all the "kye-root" talk while I have it :)
Next random thought I had: As I was driving home from visiting my parents today, I was thinking about parenting (surprise!). Specifically, how there's a difference between how I thought I would be as a parent vs. how I actually am. Or maybe more how I thought parenting would be vs. how it actually is. Before I was a parent, I would sometimes see how other people would parent their kids and I would mentally make note of whether I would be "that type" of parent or not. I would see how parents reacted to their kids and either think "that's how I would like to react to my kids one day" or "I would do that so differently." Everyone does it. It's not necessarily good but, as long as you're not running the parent down in your mind because of what they're doing, it's not necessarily bad either. As someone who wants to be a parent ever-so-badly, you are just always taking notes. But anyway, I'm not justifying it, just saying that's what I did. I would spend lots of time thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be and what kinds of things I would do as a mom...and just thinking about what parenting would be like. And when I did that, in my mind I was a pretty good mom! Well, potential mom. And then parenting hit. And in the first few weeks/months, I felt like I was running off of pure adrenaline. I'd wanted to be a mom SO bad that I had "years of desire" fueling my every action, my every moment. I had patience coming out the wazoo. I had motivation and ideas and went the extra mile for everything. And then I got tired. So.very.tired. Sleepless nights. Long days full of tantrums. Lots of beautiful moments, but lots of bleary-eyed, less-than-perfect moments too. And I suddenly understood why those moms who I watched back in the day did what they did. Why they sounded the way they sounded. Why they didn't go the extra mile every time. Why they reacted the way they reacted (and didn't necessarily have the patient answer that I would certainly have had in that situation). When you're thinking about being a mom, you see everything through rose-coloured glasses. But when you get there and you're knee-deep in dirty diapers (literally) and haven't slept in who knows how long and have one kid crying on the kitchen floor because his lunch is being served ON the table and not UNDER the table (yes, actually) and another one crying on your hip...things just look different. That adrenaline and idealism wears off and you find out exactly what it's like to be there. And you make choices from that place. Now, the reason I've never written this before is because it's hard to put into words. What am I talking about, really? It's a bunch of mumble-jumble, most likely. I'm not saying that I hate being a mom. I'm not saying that I'm a bad mom or that I'm making decisions that I'll regret. I'm just saying that I now understand where those moms were at. They were acting from a place of having spent years in the "trenches." Sure I would have handled some of those situations differently at the time, but I would have also been coming in fresh...having had a full night's sleep and with a clear mind, not one smeared with peanut butter and kid-snot. I thought I would be one of those moms who was so very polished. Who had a weekly menu posted in her kitchen, crafts and quiet-time activities planned long in advance for the kid who no longer thinks he needs naps, clothes folded and put away at the end of every laundry day. And in reality, alot of the time I actually feel a bit like a chicken with my head cut off. I feel like I'm playing catch-up instead of anticipating and being ready for things. I forget every little thing (even though I used to have a memory like a vault, people). I'm scrambling to come up with supper at 4pm each day. And sometimes I have a preschooler who is freaking out and I just have to sit back because I have no clue as to what I should be doing or how I should "gently guide him out of his frustration." I'm not the mom I thought I would be. But you know what? That's ok. Because I love my kids. And I love their daddy. I make sure they're fed and clothed and taught and happy. I may not have the perfectly clean, perfectly organized home that I always thought I'd have, but you know what? Kids don't need polish. They don't need to know that their mom has everything planned and scheduled and organized. They need to know that they are safe. And loved. And no matter how tired I am, how impatient or forgetful I am, or how worn down I sometimes feel...my kids have that. They feel safe and secure and loved and THAT is what matters. So I guess I had a round-about way of saying that. Sorry. That's what happens when I sit down and don't know what to type.
I think I'll leave it at that for tonight. That got a lot longer than I thought it would. Apparently I do have more than fb status-length thoughts. Huh. Who knew? Now the real test will be whether the thoughts are coherent enough for anyone to follow what I just wrote...?
I do notice that alot of the things that I think of during the day are just not enough for a complete blog post. I think of plenty of things that I think I should blog about but then realize that I've got about a facebook status worth of words about that topic. So it either goes on fb or just doesn't get said. Usually the later.
For example:
Levi calls coyotes "kye-roots". It's super cute. Cute that he talks about "kye-roots" at all but extra cute that he says it like he does. I've stopped correcting his pronunciation on these sorts of words. It is just too fun to listen to him talk and once he realizes the real way to say it, he will never say it the cute way again. For example, the word "music" used to be "moogit." Adorable. Simply adorable. But now, if I say "moogit" to him, he just looks at me funny. *sigh* My boy is growing up. So I'll soak up all the "kye-root" talk while I have it :)
Next random thought I had: As I was driving home from visiting my parents today, I was thinking about parenting (surprise!). Specifically, how there's a difference between how I thought I would be as a parent vs. how I actually am. Or maybe more how I thought parenting would be vs. how it actually is. Before I was a parent, I would sometimes see how other people would parent their kids and I would mentally make note of whether I would be "that type" of parent or not. I would see how parents reacted to their kids and either think "that's how I would like to react to my kids one day" or "I would do that so differently." Everyone does it. It's not necessarily good but, as long as you're not running the parent down in your mind because of what they're doing, it's not necessarily bad either. As someone who wants to be a parent ever-so-badly, you are just always taking notes. But anyway, I'm not justifying it, just saying that's what I did. I would spend lots of time thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be and what kinds of things I would do as a mom...and just thinking about what parenting would be like. And when I did that, in my mind I was a pretty good mom! Well, potential mom. And then parenting hit. And in the first few weeks/months, I felt like I was running off of pure adrenaline. I'd wanted to be a mom SO bad that I had "years of desire" fueling my every action, my every moment. I had patience coming out the wazoo. I had motivation and ideas and went the extra mile for everything. And then I got tired. So.very.tired. Sleepless nights. Long days full of tantrums. Lots of beautiful moments, but lots of bleary-eyed, less-than-perfect moments too. And I suddenly understood why those moms who I watched back in the day did what they did. Why they sounded the way they sounded. Why they didn't go the extra mile every time. Why they reacted the way they reacted (and didn't necessarily have the patient answer that I would certainly have had in that situation). When you're thinking about being a mom, you see everything through rose-coloured glasses. But when you get there and you're knee-deep in dirty diapers (literally) and haven't slept in who knows how long and have one kid crying on the kitchen floor because his lunch is being served ON the table and not UNDER the table (yes, actually) and another one crying on your hip...things just look different. That adrenaline and idealism wears off and you find out exactly what it's like to be there. And you make choices from that place. Now, the reason I've never written this before is because it's hard to put into words. What am I talking about, really? It's a bunch of mumble-jumble, most likely. I'm not saying that I hate being a mom. I'm not saying that I'm a bad mom or that I'm making decisions that I'll regret. I'm just saying that I now understand where those moms were at. They were acting from a place of having spent years in the "trenches." Sure I would have handled some of those situations differently at the time, but I would have also been coming in fresh...having had a full night's sleep and with a clear mind, not one smeared with peanut butter and kid-snot. I thought I would be one of those moms who was so very polished. Who had a weekly menu posted in her kitchen, crafts and quiet-time activities planned long in advance for the kid who no longer thinks he needs naps, clothes folded and put away at the end of every laundry day. And in reality, alot of the time I actually feel a bit like a chicken with my head cut off. I feel like I'm playing catch-up instead of anticipating and being ready for things. I forget every little thing (even though I used to have a memory like a vault, people). I'm scrambling to come up with supper at 4pm each day. And sometimes I have a preschooler who is freaking out and I just have to sit back because I have no clue as to what I should be doing or how I should "gently guide him out of his frustration." I'm not the mom I thought I would be. But you know what? That's ok. Because I love my kids. And I love their daddy. I make sure they're fed and clothed and taught and happy. I may not have the perfectly clean, perfectly organized home that I always thought I'd have, but you know what? Kids don't need polish. They don't need to know that their mom has everything planned and scheduled and organized. They need to know that they are safe. And loved. And no matter how tired I am, how impatient or forgetful I am, or how worn down I sometimes feel...my kids have that. They feel safe and secure and loved and THAT is what matters. So I guess I had a round-about way of saying that. Sorry. That's what happens when I sit down and don't know what to type.
I think I'll leave it at that for tonight. That got a lot longer than I thought it would. Apparently I do have more than fb status-length thoughts. Huh. Who knew? Now the real test will be whether the thoughts are coherent enough for anyone to follow what I just wrote...?
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Sleep Training
I am in the middle of sleep training Kayden. Like literally, right now, it is 2:23am and Kayden has been crying for over 2 hours because I won't feed her back to sleep. This is, by far, the most difficult part of parenting for me: The lack of sleep from getting up with kids who don't sleep through the night..the sleep training and not knowing if I just need to tough it out and let my kid cry or if they are crying because they actually NEED something and I'm being a bad mom by not meeting their needs. Having a three year old who doesn't always understand why he needs to listen is hard. Having a baby whose naps dictate my schedule is sometimes inconvenient. But being exhausted from not sleeping...that is the hardest.
So what does sleep training look like? Well this time around I'm doing it a little differently than with Levi because...
a) Kayden is a different kid than Levi was
b) Kayden and Levi share a room
c) we sleep trained Levi and he seemed traumatized by it and wasn't a good sleeper until he was almost 3 so...don't want that again!
Sleep training this time around is more like weaning Kayden off of night feeds. She's been up more during the night in the last couple months than she was in the first few months of life so I'm quite certain we have a case of her just wanting to be nursed back to sleep whenever she wakes up. To wean her, I'm trying to be very hands-on. With Levi, we eventually just let him cry for hours in his crib because going in to him just made him more and more upset each time. I'm convinced that's part of the reason he hated his crib so much and cried himself to sleep for every naptime and bedtime until he was almost two years old. With Kayden, I go to her often and stay with her until she's calmed down. I'll pick her up if she's just not calming down. I'll change her pj's if they're wet (apparently you get really hot and sweaty when you cry for hours on end!). I do not want her to feel like I've left her to just cry. The goal is to wean her of feeds, not to get herself to self-soothe when she's screaming her lungs out.
Being awake for hours in the middle of the night is not my most favourite activity (though I do come up with some clever Facebook statuses in the wee hours of the morning! I did say clever and not cynical, right? Oh good... None of these get posted, just in case you're wondering how you missed these entertaining tidbits). But if it means that I can maybe, just maybe, start sleeping through the night again in the near future...it's worth a few sleepless nights. I never thought I'd be able to handle the lack of sleep that comes with parenthood. I've always been someone who needs more sleep than most. I'm miserable when I'm tired. By the time Levi was born, I'd already been through a few months of waking in the night but naively thought that I would have a good sleeper and that surely by 8 weeks old my boy would be sleeping through the night. 8 weeks came and went. 4 months came and went. 6 months...8 months...a year...two years. Still my boy wasn't sleeping through the night and baby number 2 was getting close! By the time Nathan started getting up with Levi, I was up due to pregnancy again. It's been a long haul with the no sleeping thing but I must say...the body adjusts! It's hard. Every once in a while, it all catches up and I feel desperate for sleep. But then that feeling passes and I'm good to go again for another few weeks. God really does give you what you need. It's quite amazing, really. So, while I'd love to be sleeping through the night before Christmas, I know that whatever happens, I'll make it through.
Well, the girl seems to finally be asleep. Three hours after waking. It's 3am and I think I'll try to catch some zzzz's before she wakes and we start this whole crazy thing over again!
Goodnight, all!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Reflections on Motherhood
Tonight as I sat on the edge of Levi's bed, one hand being held by a sleepy Levi and the other wrapped around a sleeping Kayden, both children silent and still with me in the same moment, I felt such an unexpected rush of gratitude. I've known for my entire life that I wanted to be a mom. That this is what I was created to be. And yet, in those 25 years of being preparing, nothing could have fully prepared me for the amount of love that is bursting forth for these two children today.
Levi is a handful these days. He is feeling the loss of having mommy and daddy all to himself and it is often coming out in testing ways. And yet, tonight after supper, he and I spent 15 minutes just laughing together. Sitting at the table and looking at each other and laughing uncontrollably with each other for no reason other than being happy to be together.
Kayden is so sweet. She does cry, occasionally, and sometimes it's for no apparent reason at all, but my heart is so full when I look into her eyes and she looks into mine! My love for her just grows every day as I get to know her more and as our connection deepens.
I am incredibly blessed to be able to call these two children mine. They are indeed gifts from God and I will never take them for granted. Having three years to ponder what life might look like without children has landed me in a place now of being humbled and grateful, a place unlike any I would have been in without that period of waiting.
When we named our children, we took into consideration the meanings of their names, middle names especially. We gave Levi the name "Jonathan" because it means "God has given." We gave Kayden the name "Grace" because it is by God's grace that we are fully healed and that Nathan and I have not one but two beautiful children.
So tonight I am feeling extra thankful for these two wonders who share life with us. And thankful that I am called their mother. All praise to HIM...forever and ever.
Levi is a handful these days. He is feeling the loss of having mommy and daddy all to himself and it is often coming out in testing ways. And yet, tonight after supper, he and I spent 15 minutes just laughing together. Sitting at the table and looking at each other and laughing uncontrollably with each other for no reason other than being happy to be together.
Kayden is so sweet. She does cry, occasionally, and sometimes it's for no apparent reason at all, but my heart is so full when I look into her eyes and she looks into mine! My love for her just grows every day as I get to know her more and as our connection deepens.
I am incredibly blessed to be able to call these two children mine. They are indeed gifts from God and I will never take them for granted. Having three years to ponder what life might look like without children has landed me in a place now of being humbled and grateful, a place unlike any I would have been in without that period of waiting.
When we named our children, we took into consideration the meanings of their names, middle names especially. We gave Levi the name "Jonathan" because it means "God has given." We gave Kayden the name "Grace" because it is by God's grace that we are fully healed and that Nathan and I have not one but two beautiful children.
So tonight I am feeling extra thankful for these two wonders who share life with us. And thankful that I am called their mother. All praise to HIM...forever and ever.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Introducing...
Kayden Grace
February 4, 2013
2:11pm
6lbs 7oz, 19 3/4"
Kayden's birth was quite a bit different from Levi's. With Levi, we waited and waited and waited. He was late and born at 41w2d. Kayden was a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. While I was uncomfortable for the last trimester this time, I never did get that truly FULL feeling that I got when we were waiting for Levi. (Apparently 2 lbs and 2" of baby makes a big difference on the inside!) And with Levi, we were guessing the gender right to the end, whereas this time we've known about our little GIRL since September. Both experiences were good...I'd probably choose to repeat this most recent experience next time, though, if given the choice!
I wasn't sure how going in for a scheduled section would be. It's kinda weird knowing exactly what day and time to expect your little one to arrive. There was some excitement last time in wondering day by day if I would have a baby that day (then extremely discouraging when I never did go into labour on my own). On the morning of Feb 4, we had a regular morning, packed up the last of our things, and headed off to the city. We only had to be at the hospital at 11:30 so there was no rush. We met Nathan's parents in the city, had a relaxed coffee with them at Starbucks, said "see ya later!" to Levi and drove to the hospital.
In the first waiting room, there were half a dozen pregnant women waiting (in a 200 square foot closet of a waiting room). At one point everyone was sharing how far along they were. 40 weeks...41 weeks...44 weeks... Most of the women there were waiting for inductions! I didn't dare open my mouth and say that I was still at a comfy 38 weeks and would likely be holding my baby before any of them! We were quickly moved to another waiting room where we ended up waiting for an hour with no contact with anyone and no one else in the room with us. We felt quite forgotten. After an hour, I was starting to wonder if we'd been forgotten. Why, afterall, would they have us come in 2 hours before the scheduled c-section time if we were going to spend over an hour just sitting and waiting? I went and found a nurse and within 15 minutes, we were in the pre-op room in gown/scrubs and being prepped for surgery.
Around 1:30 I was taken to the OR and given a spinal then prepped for surgery. It all went pretty fast from there. The anesthesiologist gave my doctor the ok to start and Nathan was brought in. Within minutes, Kayden was here! She spent the first 5 minutes SCREAMING! She has the most high-pitched shrill scream I've ever heard. Well, not quite, but it really is quite different from Levi's cry! I was able to have her on my chest in the OR as the doctor finished up and was able to feed her in recovery within about an hour. What a blessing. I feel like it went so much more smoothly than it did with Levi. Scheduled c-sections are much easier on the body than last minute c-sections after 12 hours of labour. Just saying...
We were able to come home on day 2 after surgery, exactly 48 hours after her birth I was walking in the front door at home. SO NICE that they let us come home earlier this time! Nursing has gone smoothly. Healing has gone smoothly. I'm almost back to my pre-pregnancy self. Except, of course, for some tenderness in certain places and having a newborn around the house again. Everything has come back as far as what to do with a newborn (whew!). The transition has been nothing but smooth. Nathan was home for the first week and now my mom will be here for a few days, followed by my sister. Levi is loving all the extra play-time! And I'm appreciating being able to take it easy and have afternoon naps. Every little bit helps with the healing and adjusting process!
Levi has adjusted to being a big brother wonderfully. He was a bit unsure at first and didn't want to touch her, but within a couple days at home he was wanting to hold her and go get diapers for me and lay on the floor beside her. He has been so good...
Thursday, January 24, 2013
last few weeks
I'm going to be honest today (not that I'm usually dishonest) and say that today was a hard day. I'm finding that I have quite a bit less energy than usual and, when dealing with my energetic, cabin-feverish 2 year old, less patience. Levi really is quite a joy and an easy-going kid as far as 2 year olds go. But boy-oh-boy this mama is tired! On days like today, just one more "mama, come PLAY?" makes me want to crawl into a hole (preferrably a hole under the covers on my bed) and nap the rest of this pregnancy away. I love being pregnant. I really do. The first two trimesters went by swimmingly and I'm convinced they flew by so fast because half the time I felt so good that I forgot that I was even pregnant. The third trimester has had pain and soreness to make up for the first 6 months, though, and has left me quite ready to be done. And I love my boy. But wowzers...how far can a mama push herself? :)
So first off, I'm asking that if/when you think of us and the coming addition to our family, please pray for energy and patience for me in these last few weeks. And secondly, if anyone has any ideas for relieving cabin-fever and burning a boy's energy while saving mama's sanity, throw them my way. I'm all ears! I want to enjoy as much time as I can with just Levi at home with me before there are TWO kids to split my attention between. (so excited!) There isn't too much longer before baby's arrival and not all days are as tiring as today, but it was day #4 of Levi not being out of the house (such a cold week and so much work to bundle us up with a basketball strapped to my tummy!) and I think it has been taking its toll...add hormones into the mix and that was my day. haha. Nice.
So first off, I'm asking that if/when you think of us and the coming addition to our family, please pray for energy and patience for me in these last few weeks. And secondly, if anyone has any ideas for relieving cabin-fever and burning a boy's energy while saving mama's sanity, throw them my way. I'm all ears! I want to enjoy as much time as I can with just Levi at home with me before there are TWO kids to split my attention between. (so excited!) There isn't too much longer before baby's arrival and not all days are as tiring as today, but it was day #4 of Levi not being out of the house (such a cold week and so much work to bundle us up with a basketball strapped to my tummy!) and I think it has been taking its toll...add hormones into the mix and that was my day. haha. Nice.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Forgetfulness
When I had Levi, I felt like I would never forget the details of life. The details of having a newborn. And here I am, two years later, and I've forgotten. Or I'm realizing things that I never knew but am curious about. So if you want to share your thoughts/experiences, please do! I'm all ears! Sorry, this post will be completely irrelevant for some, but I didn't want to put this on fb for whatever reason so here it is.
- Lack of sleep aside, does energy generally come back shortly after birth or will I be just exhausted for the next few months yet? What was your experience?
- What did you wear during your stay in the hospital. Any suggestions, recommendations, or warnings?
- What did your baby wear in the hospital? Did you use hospital-issued baby gowns and blankets (or towels as the case may be at my hospital)? Or did you bring your own? Pros/cons of each?
- What did you do with your hair while in the hospital before they let you shower? Last time I felt like quite the greasy un-human when I wasn't allowed to shower from Thursday morning until Sunday morning...
- Any suggestions for having the older sibling come to visit in the hospital?
- Did you splurge for the private room, go with semi-private, or stay with 3-4 other women in a shared room? Thoughts?
- Any other thoughts surrounding birth, the stay in the hospital, or the following few weeks? I'd love to hear your experiences or what jumps to mind when you think of your birth experience(s)!
- Lack of sleep aside, does energy generally come back shortly after birth or will I be just exhausted for the next few months yet? What was your experience?
- What did you wear during your stay in the hospital. Any suggestions, recommendations, or warnings?
- What did your baby wear in the hospital? Did you use hospital-issued baby gowns and blankets (or towels as the case may be at my hospital)? Or did you bring your own? Pros/cons of each?
- What did you do with your hair while in the hospital before they let you shower? Last time I felt like quite the greasy un-human when I wasn't allowed to shower from Thursday morning until Sunday morning...
- Any suggestions for having the older sibling come to visit in the hospital?
- Did you splurge for the private room, go with semi-private, or stay with 3-4 other women in a shared room? Thoughts?
- Any other thoughts surrounding birth, the stay in the hospital, or the following few weeks? I'd love to hear your experiences or what jumps to mind when you think of your birth experience(s)!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
belly pic...8 months.
- there is a baby in mommy's tummy
- mommy's tummy is going to be owie after baby comes out
- baby is going to sleep in mommy and daddy's room and also in Levi's room
- mommy is going to feed baby (no hot dogs and noodles for the baby)
- Levi will get to sit on mommy's lap again when baby comes (when mommy's tummy isn't owie anymore)
- little brother or sister
We've also done some shopping for things that we know we'll need like diapers (newborn size, for before cloth fit), wipes, infant Tylenol, etc. It's made it all feel so much closer to see baby stuff re-entering the house. Since Levi was potty trained back in summer, we really haven't had much evidence of a baby living here. There is PLENTY of evidence of a toddler (toys, books, shoes, pots/pans all over the floor, potty seat in bathroom) but that is very different than a baby! I'm starting to second-guess how much I actually remember about newborns. I'm sure I know about as much as I knew when we had Levi and maybe even a little more this time around so we should be fine.
Since we're getting so close, anyone care to guess baby gender, birth date, and baby size? Feel free to leave your comments! I'm curious what people are expecting us to have! (I've also created a poll on the right hand side of the screen so you can easily log your guess, though it is anonymous so if you want credit for being right, leave your guess in comments too)
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Excitement
I just have to share the latest excitement in our lives...perhaps it's not blog-worthy, but here it is:
Levi has slept through the past 5 nights!!
He hasn't done that in...ever. Ok, maybe he has, but I really doubt it. And it certainly hasn't been since I started keeping track of his sleep habits in August (hoping to find some clue as to why he's not sleeping). So we're celebrating here. And I'm feeling SO much more rested than I have felt in a while. That said, my 2.5 year run of not sleeping through the night myself is still going strong. Just when Levi started having better nights at the beginning of December, I started needing to use the bathroom more thanks to a new little bundle of pressure on my bladder. Lovely. Oh well. It is SO worth it. And it is infinitely more restful to get up to use the bathroom, get a drink of water, blow my nose and go straight back to bed rather than to be up with a baby/toddler for who knows how long each night. So I'll take what I can get for these last few weeks before baby #2 arrives. And hopefully me posting this doesn't jinx what we have going here...!
Levi has slept through the past 5 nights!!
He hasn't done that in...ever. Ok, maybe he has, but I really doubt it. And it certainly hasn't been since I started keeping track of his sleep habits in August (hoping to find some clue as to why he's not sleeping). So we're celebrating here. And I'm feeling SO much more rested than I have felt in a while. That said, my 2.5 year run of not sleeping through the night myself is still going strong. Just when Levi started having better nights at the beginning of December, I started needing to use the bathroom more thanks to a new little bundle of pressure on my bladder. Lovely. Oh well. It is SO worth it. And it is infinitely more restful to get up to use the bathroom, get a drink of water, blow my nose and go straight back to bed rather than to be up with a baby/toddler for who knows how long each night. So I'll take what I can get for these last few weeks before baby #2 arrives. And hopefully me posting this doesn't jinx what we have going here...!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Christmas...and life
Christmas was fun this year. It usually is. :) We were able to spend time with both of our parents/siblings which was so nice. After a few years of either not being able to go "home" for Christmas or else splitting a short visit between the two families (often driving on Christmas day), it is SO nice to be within easy driving distance of both parents. We don't take that for granted!
Levi loved all his time with grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. He does so well when we're out. Aside from a little grumpiness at supper one night (easily solved by some quiet family-of-3 time away from the chaos after supper), he was a happy boy the entire time. We sometimes have to pay for visits and lack of sleep once we get home, but mostly we just have such a happy and easy going boy. LOVE HIM!
Nathan was back to work today (worked from home yesterday). It's a bit weird to have him gone for so many hours after a couple weeks basically off. I'm doing pretty good. This third trimester is SO different than the end with Levi. With Levi, I was mostly comfortable except for some backaches and swollen feet and just feeling heavy. This time around I have toothaches (apparently they're normal?), hip aches, belly aches, back aches, shortness of breath, low blood pressure (which is better than high). I don't have every symptom in the book, but alot more than last time. Yesterday I was wondering if I would actually need my mom to come for a bit before the baby arrives because just carrying Levi or walking across the room is sometimes a challenge. BUT...this is so worth it! To know that we'll be having a new little person joining our family in just a matter of weeks...aah. I can take a little pain and discomfort! That said, if anyone has any good remedies for intense pain from lower belly to upper thighs (and everywhere in between), feel free to share! haha. I'm open to suggestions :)
I'm not sure what else is new. (Do I write that in every post or just think it?) Beside getting ready for the baby and having tons of fun with my two men, there's not much on the calendar for this month. Just relax and enjoy the last few weeks of being a family of 3.
Happy new year to you all! If anyone has post ideas or questions or whatever...any ideas for what I should write about, let me know! I'm a little stuck! :D
Levi loved all his time with grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. He does so well when we're out. Aside from a little grumpiness at supper one night (easily solved by some quiet family-of-3 time away from the chaos after supper), he was a happy boy the entire time. We sometimes have to pay for visits and lack of sleep once we get home, but mostly we just have such a happy and easy going boy. LOVE HIM!
Nathan was back to work today (worked from home yesterday). It's a bit weird to have him gone for so many hours after a couple weeks basically off. I'm doing pretty good. This third trimester is SO different than the end with Levi. With Levi, I was mostly comfortable except for some backaches and swollen feet and just feeling heavy. This time around I have toothaches (apparently they're normal?), hip aches, belly aches, back aches, shortness of breath, low blood pressure (which is better than high). I don't have every symptom in the book, but alot more than last time. Yesterday I was wondering if I would actually need my mom to come for a bit before the baby arrives because just carrying Levi or walking across the room is sometimes a challenge. BUT...this is so worth it! To know that we'll be having a new little person joining our family in just a matter of weeks...aah. I can take a little pain and discomfort! That said, if anyone has any good remedies for intense pain from lower belly to upper thighs (and everywhere in between), feel free to share! haha. I'm open to suggestions :)
I'm not sure what else is new. (Do I write that in every post or just think it?) Beside getting ready for the baby and having tons of fun with my two men, there's not much on the calendar for this month. Just relax and enjoy the last few weeks of being a family of 3.
Happy new year to you all! If anyone has post ideas or questions or whatever...any ideas for what I should write about, let me know! I'm a little stuck! :D
Friday, December 28, 2012
nesting...and other pregnancy and life updates
I've been nesting lately. This time around it is more in the form of "let's get rid of some STUFF" rather than "let's make sure everything is CLEAN." Cleaning just seems so futile these days. But if you purge some stuff, it's gone and it's not coming back the moment Levi wakes up :) I can't help but think, too, that being 7-8 months pregnant over Christmas this year is a good thing! As much as I don't love bundling up for the cold (huffing and puffing just from putting on my boots), the desire to keep clutter to a minimum has proven helpful in keeping the Christmas extras from taking over the house. Out with the old, in with the new!
In other pregnancy "news"... ... ...this time around has been so different than when I was expecting Levi. In the first trimester, I started showing earlier this time. I was WAY more tired this time (likely thanks to not being on bed rest and not being able to have a nap whenever I felt like it). Morning sickness was less this time, not that it was bad last time either. In the second trimester this time, I barely felt pregnant. I didn't notice my growing belly unless I looked in the mirror. I was perfectly comfortable. I got some energy back and didn't feel sick in the slightest. Last time I think I felt decent too, but with a threatened miscarriage, I was taking every precaution and noticing every little feeling that was different from the norm, wondering if it was normal or something I should be worried about. The third trimester in this pregnancy has been harder than the last. I have been much more sore (again, probably thanks to not having been on bed rest and not taking it as easy as last time with a 2 year old to chase around). I think walking on ice also doesn't help as one little slip on the ice has muscles stretched that I didn't even know I had! I've also been feeling more of the "normal" pregnancy symptoms like heartburn and low blood pressure that I didn't really have to deal with much last time. Third trimester is definitely my least favourite but I really can't complain. I hear about people who are sick the full 9 months (or longer) and am just glad that I made it through the first 28-30 weeks in relative comfort! I also can't complain because I know how much I begged and prayed for children and how much some of my friends are hurting to hold children of their own in their arms and I remember that this is really a small price to pay for the miracle that is motherhood. It is not something to be taken lightly...each and every child that enters a family is a miracle, no matter how they got there.
Of course, I should probably throw in a little Levi-update! Levi is growing up SO much! He knows most of his letters. He can count almost to 10 (1-2-3-7-8-9), usually in the right order. We've been diaper-free for 5.5 months now, both daytime and nights (just HAVE to brag about that one!). He is talking more all the time. He loves to use phrases that he hears Nathan and I using:
- "of course"
- "much better"
- "stay puppy! good dog."
- "no puppy! bad dog. stay!"
- "oh no! big mess!"
- "alright."
He has started singing in the last couple weeks which is so cute! Before he would sing E-I-E-I-O, but now he is starting to sing songs on his own like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, The Clean Up Song (clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere), Wonder Pets theme song, etc. He also loves when we sing songs with/to him...they can even replace a bedtime story for him if it's a late night because he loves it so much. Speaking of stories, he has discovered the fun of made-up stories. He often asks for "car story" at bedtime, which means that I am supposed to make up and tell him a story about a car. Sometimes I get him to tell me a story too. I tell most of the story, asking him to fill in details like colours and activities. It can get quite interesting to see his little imagination at work! Levi loves all things animals, especially if they're living and breathing and happen to be puppies (or kitties). Lennox is finally starting to tolerate Levi's affection...after 2 years of Levi chasing him, it is about time he just accepted that the boy isn't leaving.
Nathan is still enjoying his work after almost 1.5 years at the church. We really appreciate the way this church gives the pastors time with their families and also time for self-care. Not all churches do that, often leaning more to the side of overworking their pastors (usually unintentional, I'm sure). To be at a church where we feel appreciated and cared for is certainly a blessing and answer to prayer!
Not much else is happening. We're right in the middle of Christmas celebrations, having just spent a couple days with Nathan's family and looking forward to time with my family. And soon it will be the new year! The year that we welcome another little person into our family. It feels so surreal. How did this happen so easily this time after so many years of waiting and praying last time? I can't even describe how many times during this pregnancy I actually had to check the mirror to make sure that I wasn't dreaming it all. But that's a side note. Hope you all have a good start to the new year!
In other pregnancy "news"... ... ...this time around has been so different than when I was expecting Levi. In the first trimester, I started showing earlier this time. I was WAY more tired this time (likely thanks to not being on bed rest and not being able to have a nap whenever I felt like it). Morning sickness was less this time, not that it was bad last time either. In the second trimester this time, I barely felt pregnant. I didn't notice my growing belly unless I looked in the mirror. I was perfectly comfortable. I got some energy back and didn't feel sick in the slightest. Last time I think I felt decent too, but with a threatened miscarriage, I was taking every precaution and noticing every little feeling that was different from the norm, wondering if it was normal or something I should be worried about. The third trimester in this pregnancy has been harder than the last. I have been much more sore (again, probably thanks to not having been on bed rest and not taking it as easy as last time with a 2 year old to chase around). I think walking on ice also doesn't help as one little slip on the ice has muscles stretched that I didn't even know I had! I've also been feeling more of the "normal" pregnancy symptoms like heartburn and low blood pressure that I didn't really have to deal with much last time. Third trimester is definitely my least favourite but I really can't complain. I hear about people who are sick the full 9 months (or longer) and am just glad that I made it through the first 28-30 weeks in relative comfort! I also can't complain because I know how much I begged and prayed for children and how much some of my friends are hurting to hold children of their own in their arms and I remember that this is really a small price to pay for the miracle that is motherhood. It is not something to be taken lightly...each and every child that enters a family is a miracle, no matter how they got there.
Of course, I should probably throw in a little Levi-update! Levi is growing up SO much! He knows most of his letters. He can count almost to 10 (1-2-3-7-8-9), usually in the right order. We've been diaper-free for 5.5 months now, both daytime and nights (just HAVE to brag about that one!). He is talking more all the time. He loves to use phrases that he hears Nathan and I using:
- "of course"
- "much better"
- "stay puppy! good dog."
- "no puppy! bad dog. stay!"
- "oh no! big mess!"
- "alright."
He has started singing in the last couple weeks which is so cute! Before he would sing E-I-E-I-O, but now he is starting to sing songs on his own like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, The Clean Up Song (clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere), Wonder Pets theme song, etc. He also loves when we sing songs with/to him...they can even replace a bedtime story for him if it's a late night because he loves it so much. Speaking of stories, he has discovered the fun of made-up stories. He often asks for "car story" at bedtime, which means that I am supposed to make up and tell him a story about a car. Sometimes I get him to tell me a story too. I tell most of the story, asking him to fill in details like colours and activities. It can get quite interesting to see his little imagination at work! Levi loves all things animals, especially if they're living and breathing and happen to be puppies (or kitties). Lennox is finally starting to tolerate Levi's affection...after 2 years of Levi chasing him, it is about time he just accepted that the boy isn't leaving.
Nathan is still enjoying his work after almost 1.5 years at the church. We really appreciate the way this church gives the pastors time with their families and also time for self-care. Not all churches do that, often leaning more to the side of overworking their pastors (usually unintentional, I'm sure). To be at a church where we feel appreciated and cared for is certainly a blessing and answer to prayer!
Not much else is happening. We're right in the middle of Christmas celebrations, having just spent a couple days with Nathan's family and looking forward to time with my family. And soon it will be the new year! The year that we welcome another little person into our family. It feels so surreal. How did this happen so easily this time after so many years of waiting and praying last time? I can't even describe how many times during this pregnancy I actually had to check the mirror to make sure that I wasn't dreaming it all. But that's a side note. Hope you all have a good start to the new year!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Parenting and Screens
Have you ever noticed how many snapshots of kids these days have a parent in the background who is present in body but completely immersed in the world of their smart phone or iPad? As I've looked at pictures on fb and blogs, especially in the past week, it has struck me just how common this has become. And it has me thinking: how is this affecting the children??
I think back to my own childhood and the only thing I remember my parents being distracted by (like, mind totally in another world and not able to get their attention easily when I needed/wanted it) were books and conversation. But more often than not, they were mentally available when I needed them, whether or not they were "busy" with something else. How would my childhood have been different if one or both of my parents had spend every free moment with their eyes (and minds) glued to the tv, cell phone, computer, or tablet? I think I may have gotten the impression that parents/adults:
- are hard to get attention from
- are distracted
- don't really want to be with me
- would rather sit and look at a screen than do anything else
- aren't really there for you
- don't think kids are important enough to pay attention to unless the attention is begged for
I'm as guilty as anyone. I spend time online while Levi is awake, both on my phone and on my computer. And it strikes me almost daily how I could be doing much more valuable things with my time. How would my days with Levi (and our attitudes/patience levels with each other) be different if I was truly present in everything I did when we're together? It breaks my heart when I think about what my time online is teaching him. (not that ALL time online or being "distracted" is all bad, but when it becomes a daily part of life, maybe it needs to be examined?)
Does Levi ever feel like I don't really care about him? Does he ever feel like what I see on my screen is more important than him? Does he feel like he has to whine for things because asking nicely just simply fails to get my attention? How would things be different if I moved my computer downstairs permanently and left my phone on the counter during the day, only checking things when he is napping or in bed for the night?
I intend to find out. I've certainly cut back on internet use in the past (multiple times throughout Levi's life, though it invariably creeps up time and again) because I've always been aware of this danger. But having seen pictures of it so often this past week, it has been brought to my mind yet again and I am feeling the need to renew my effort in being present with my child (soon to be children).
How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Agree? Disagree? Anything to add? I'd love to hear from you!
I think back to my own childhood and the only thing I remember my parents being distracted by (like, mind totally in another world and not able to get their attention easily when I needed/wanted it) were books and conversation. But more often than not, they were mentally available when I needed them, whether or not they were "busy" with something else. How would my childhood have been different if one or both of my parents had spend every free moment with their eyes (and minds) glued to the tv, cell phone, computer, or tablet? I think I may have gotten the impression that parents/adults:
- are hard to get attention from
- are distracted
- don't really want to be with me
- would rather sit and look at a screen than do anything else
- aren't really there for you
- don't think kids are important enough to pay attention to unless the attention is begged for
I'm as guilty as anyone. I spend time online while Levi is awake, both on my phone and on my computer. And it strikes me almost daily how I could be doing much more valuable things with my time. How would my days with Levi (and our attitudes/patience levels with each other) be different if I was truly present in everything I did when we're together? It breaks my heart when I think about what my time online is teaching him. (not that ALL time online or being "distracted" is all bad, but when it becomes a daily part of life, maybe it needs to be examined?)
Does Levi ever feel like I don't really care about him? Does he ever feel like what I see on my screen is more important than him? Does he feel like he has to whine for things because asking nicely just simply fails to get my attention? How would things be different if I moved my computer downstairs permanently and left my phone on the counter during the day, only checking things when he is napping or in bed for the night?
I intend to find out. I've certainly cut back on internet use in the past (multiple times throughout Levi's life, though it invariably creeps up time and again) because I've always been aware of this danger. But having seen pictures of it so often this past week, it has been brought to my mind yet again and I am feeling the need to renew my effort in being present with my child (soon to be children).
How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Agree? Disagree? Anything to add? I'd love to hear from you!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Number Two
Before Nathan and I decided to try to have more children, we seriously contemplated stopping at one. I am often tired and people who know me best would probably say that I often seem tired. It's true, mothering does take alot out of me and I do take whatever measures I can to try to conserve energy. But there is more to my story than that.
I've never been a super high energy person. Especially since second year Bible school, I have always been the one weighing the energy cost to potential commitments before I make them. If I get run down, it takes quite a bit of rest to recharge. Obviously, this had to be a consideration when we were talking about adding another child to our home. What would my days look like and could I handle another little person demanding my attention and energy?
While we understood that adding to our numbers would stretch me thin in the energy department, we decided to keep trying and low and behold, #2 is now on their way! I would be lying if I said that I never worry about how I'm going to keep up. I sometimes lay in bed at night after being up with a crying toddler and imagine adding a sleepless baby to that and I get scared. But what it comes down to for me is that, despite the exhaustion and sleep deprivation and lack of energy, my days are still filled with joy. Being a mother is life-giving for me in a way that nothing else has been. It drains me of energy but fills me with something so pure and wonderful that I can't help but know that this is what I was created for.
When we were in the midst of infertility, I got all the sleep I wanted. I could sleep in on weekends and go to bed early if I was tired. If I got home from work early and needed to, I could nap before going out in the evening. I could spend hours on end alone, just recharging. And yet those years of my life were some of the most draining years of my life. I chalk it up to not having that piece that truly gave me life. I had nothing to pour myself into that replaced the energy spent with sheer joy.
Now, before you go saying that God should be that one life-giving thing in your life, I need to stop you. Yes, God fills his children with joy. Yes, when we pour our energy out for him, we are filled with an unexplainable zeal and drive that only comes from him. But I also believe that God creates each of us to find different things life-giving. How else can you explain the pastor's heart that feels as though it's being suffocated when it can't find a job? Or a missionary's drive to reach people for Jesus, even putting the things most precious to them at risk? Each of us has different passions/callings and when we pursue those things that give us life, that's when it becomes most about God and him using us to achieve his purpose.
Does working at camp exhaust you but you can't imagine life without it? Do you feel the need to care for people, even when your heart absolutely breaks hearing their stories? What gives you life? What is it that fills you with an unspeakable joy and fulfillment, perhaps despite personal sacrifice?
For me, in this stage of life, it's being a mother. And whether it's being a mother to two or ten (not likely), if I keep relying on God for what I need every day, I will make it through and thrive. :)
I've never been a super high energy person. Especially since second year Bible school, I have always been the one weighing the energy cost to potential commitments before I make them. If I get run down, it takes quite a bit of rest to recharge. Obviously, this had to be a consideration when we were talking about adding another child to our home. What would my days look like and could I handle another little person demanding my attention and energy?
While we understood that adding to our numbers would stretch me thin in the energy department, we decided to keep trying and low and behold, #2 is now on their way! I would be lying if I said that I never worry about how I'm going to keep up. I sometimes lay in bed at night after being up with a crying toddler and imagine adding a sleepless baby to that and I get scared. But what it comes down to for me is that, despite the exhaustion and sleep deprivation and lack of energy, my days are still filled with joy. Being a mother is life-giving for me in a way that nothing else has been. It drains me of energy but fills me with something so pure and wonderful that I can't help but know that this is what I was created for.
When we were in the midst of infertility, I got all the sleep I wanted. I could sleep in on weekends and go to bed early if I was tired. If I got home from work early and needed to, I could nap before going out in the evening. I could spend hours on end alone, just recharging. And yet those years of my life were some of the most draining years of my life. I chalk it up to not having that piece that truly gave me life. I had nothing to pour myself into that replaced the energy spent with sheer joy.
Now, before you go saying that God should be that one life-giving thing in your life, I need to stop you. Yes, God fills his children with joy. Yes, when we pour our energy out for him, we are filled with an unexplainable zeal and drive that only comes from him. But I also believe that God creates each of us to find different things life-giving. How else can you explain the pastor's heart that feels as though it's being suffocated when it can't find a job? Or a missionary's drive to reach people for Jesus, even putting the things most precious to them at risk? Each of us has different passions/callings and when we pursue those things that give us life, that's when it becomes most about God and him using us to achieve his purpose.
Does working at camp exhaust you but you can't imagine life without it? Do you feel the need to care for people, even when your heart absolutely breaks hearing their stories? What gives you life? What is it that fills you with an unspeakable joy and fulfillment, perhaps despite personal sacrifice?
For me, in this stage of life, it's being a mother. And whether it's being a mother to two or ten (not likely), if I keep relying on God for what I need every day, I will make it through and thrive. :)
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sleep
I've been struggling with sleep lately. Lately being the past two years. I remember Levi being 5 weeks old and wondering what in the world I was doing wrong because he wouldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time. I was reminded by someone that he was only 5 weeks old and that it would come. At the time I consoled myself with the thought that surely by the time he was 6 months old, he would be sleeping through the night. Here we are, 2 years later, and he has never slept through the night more than 50% of the time. In October? Levi slept through the night 6 times. That means he was up in the night 25 times. And when he was up, it was up to 3-4 times a night. Pee. Teething. Wanting a cuddle. You name it, he was up for it.
Some nights I get downright frustrated. I climb back into bed with a huff after being up with a crying boy for 30-45 minutes (especially when he's crying for no apparent reason) and struggle to fall asleep again (often to be awakened again just as I'm drifting off to sleep 45 minutes later). Some nights I feel like I will never sleep through the night again.
Then today I had a reminder about how precious and fragile life is. A Bible college friend of Nathan's lost his 8 month old boy this morning. He and his wife woke up to find that their baby boy was with Jesus. I saw a picture of a healthy, smiling baby dressed up for Halloween and sitting on his daddy's lap taken just last night. And this morning it was but a dream, a lifetime ago.
When Levi would cry out in the night in the first few weeks/months, my breath would sometimes catch in my throat because I was just so thankful that there was a cry. That he was alive. That he was breathing and awake and needing me. Somewhere in the past two years, I have lost that sense of relief when he calls out for me in the night. I have instead been feeling frustrated, annoyed, like burying my head under my pillow and ignoring him. And yet how very thankful I should be! First, that I have a son at all! I prayed for years for a baby who would wake me up at night. I longed for sleepless nights and my prayers have been answered! Second, that he has breath in his lungs to be able to cry. That he's healthy and alive. That he's in his room at home, just across the hall, and not in the hospital somewhere. That I CAN go to him and make it all better.
I've been holding my boy a whole lot tighter today and telling him over and over again just how much I love him. Every day with him is such a gift. And when he cries for me tonight, I'll go into his room with just a bit more patience and love and tenderness than I have been lately...
Some nights I get downright frustrated. I climb back into bed with a huff after being up with a crying boy for 30-45 minutes (especially when he's crying for no apparent reason) and struggle to fall asleep again (often to be awakened again just as I'm drifting off to sleep 45 minutes later). Some nights I feel like I will never sleep through the night again.
Then today I had a reminder about how precious and fragile life is. A Bible college friend of Nathan's lost his 8 month old boy this morning. He and his wife woke up to find that their baby boy was with Jesus. I saw a picture of a healthy, smiling baby dressed up for Halloween and sitting on his daddy's lap taken just last night. And this morning it was but a dream, a lifetime ago.
When Levi would cry out in the night in the first few weeks/months, my breath would sometimes catch in my throat because I was just so thankful that there was a cry. That he was alive. That he was breathing and awake and needing me. Somewhere in the past two years, I have lost that sense of relief when he calls out for me in the night. I have instead been feeling frustrated, annoyed, like burying my head under my pillow and ignoring him. And yet how very thankful I should be! First, that I have a son at all! I prayed for years for a baby who would wake me up at night. I longed for sleepless nights and my prayers have been answered! Second, that he has breath in his lungs to be able to cry. That he's healthy and alive. That he's in his room at home, just across the hall, and not in the hospital somewhere. That I CAN go to him and make it all better.
I've been holding my boy a whole lot tighter today and telling him over and over again just how much I love him. Every day with him is such a gift. And when he cries for me tonight, I'll go into his room with just a bit more patience and love and tenderness than I have been lately...
Picture Post
 |
| Levi's "cheese" smile. Except he doesn't says cheese...it's just the smile we get when we ask him to smile. |
 |
| "Levi, do you want a picture with Lennox?" "YEAH!" (Lennox will never sit any closer than this to Levi so I had to get creative with camera angle) |
 |
| Levi was a little leery of my camera angle choice, not sure how I would get both him and Lennox in a picture at once. |
 |
| There, both boys looking at the camera. We'll save smiles for next time... |
 |
| Levi LOVES to play guitar with Daddy. And I don't think Daddy minds sharing...! |
 |
| More "cheese." |
 | ||
| Levi gets this facial expression from his Daddy. I laugh every time I see it. It's their "I know I'm being silly but I'm going to pretend that I'm serious and not smiling" face. |
 |
| And last but not least, here's a picture of how the latest "project" is coming along. I started this pregnancy being about 6-8 weeks ahead of last pregnancy in terms of how big I was. I'm happy to report that growth seems to have slowed and I'm within 2-5 weeks of where I was last time with size. And I'm weighing less than I did last time at this point! Crazy, no? I think it must be thanks to all the toddler activity that keeps me busy day and night cause I sure know it's not thanks to me resisting my sugar cravings... Sleep is getting a bit more difficult these days (bring on the PILLOWS!) but mostly I'm still really comfortable and enjoying this pregnancy. What an incredible blessing this little one is. It's absolutely unbelievable to be expecting #2 when 3 years ago we were past the 3 year mark of infertility and wondering if we would ever even have one...THANK YOU, JESUS! May I never forget the blessing that these little ones are! |
Monday, October 8, 2012
A crazy week.
This past week has been completely, 100% out of the ordinary. It has been good, but I always come back from adventures ready to get back into my blessed routine again :)
It all started with a pastor's retreat that started last Sunday evening at a camp near here. Nathan and I both went and it was our first time leaving Levi overnight. My mom came out and my grandma with her to stay with Levi for the two nights we were gone. If this retreat had been even as little as 6 months ago, I don't know how it would have gone to have left Levi overnight. But he has grown up so much over the summer and much of his shyness is gone, at least with people he knows and remembers from one visit to the next. He did wonderfully (I had no doubts that he would) and it was such a wonderful break to not wake up to crying through the night and first thing in the morning. It was equally as nice to only have myself to look after throughout the day. It's amazing how even just going to the bathroom alone, feeding myself with no interruption, or going to bed without fighting to put someone else to bed first felt like a bit of a luxury while we were away. It felt lik ea rejuvenating break from motherhood and also felt surprisingly natural. I didn't even end up having any contact with my mom for a full day while we were gone and had no temptation to call home. How's that for letting go of control and "retreating"?? It was amazingly good to be alone with just Nathan for that amount of time too. I'm pretty sure the last time we've had that amount of time alone together was about 2 years ago before Levi joined us. But as wonderful as this retreat was, I was very ready to see my boy again when we got home!
When we got home from the retreat last Tuesday afternoon, I had about half an hour to unpack and repack before Levi and I got in the car with my mom and grandma to visit for a few days. It felt a bit like whiplash to change pace so quickly but I'm very glad for the visit I was able to have with my parents at their house.
We had a few adventures while we were visiting:
It is so much fun to hang out with my family. We are blessed to be a family who enjoys being together and who laughs together. It was so good to be all together for a couple days and to celebrate thanksgiving and Levi's birthday together. It is definitely something I don't take for granted!
So that has been my past week. Crazy. No two days have been the same. But it has been great. And in celebration of Levi's second birthday, which is today (October 8), Nathan and I bought him a play kitchen. As we susptected, he LOVES it. It's a bit of an unconventional toy to buy for a boy, but as he was begging to "cook" until well past his bedtime tonight, I knew that it was the right decision! Here he is filling up his cup with water from the fridge door water dispenser. Man, play kitchens have changed since the last time I played with one as a kid! Fridge water dispenser?! Built in microwave?
.JPG)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
It all started with a pastor's retreat that started last Sunday evening at a camp near here. Nathan and I both went and it was our first time leaving Levi overnight. My mom came out and my grandma with her to stay with Levi for the two nights we were gone. If this retreat had been even as little as 6 months ago, I don't know how it would have gone to have left Levi overnight. But he has grown up so much over the summer and much of his shyness is gone, at least with people he knows and remembers from one visit to the next. He did wonderfully (I had no doubts that he would) and it was such a wonderful break to not wake up to crying through the night and first thing in the morning. It was equally as nice to only have myself to look after throughout the day. It's amazing how even just going to the bathroom alone, feeding myself with no interruption, or going to bed without fighting to put someone else to bed first felt like a bit of a luxury while we were away. It felt lik ea rejuvenating break from motherhood and also felt surprisingly natural. I didn't even end up having any contact with my mom for a full day while we were gone and had no temptation to call home. How's that for letting go of control and "retreating"?? It was amazingly good to be alone with just Nathan for that amount of time too. I'm pretty sure the last time we've had that amount of time alone together was about 2 years ago before Levi joined us. But as wonderful as this retreat was, I was very ready to see my boy again when we got home!
When we got home from the retreat last Tuesday afternoon, I had about half an hour to unpack and repack before Levi and I got in the car with my mom and grandma to visit for a few days. It felt a bit like whiplash to change pace so quickly but I'm very glad for the visit I was able to have with my parents at their house.
We had a few adventures while we were visiting:
 |
| Levi raked leaves with Grandma |
 |
| We made playdough and did lots of playing with it |
 |
| Levi got to see goats and chickens and ducks and a goose and a kitty and two puppies at a farm we visited. He even got to hold a baby goat that was only a week old! Too bad none of the pictures of that worked out :( |
 |
| Lots of quality time with Grandma |
 |
| Evidence of leaf raking...might have to frame this one! |
 |
| Birthday cake baking |
 |
| Birthday cake decorating...it didn't turn out quite how I was picturing but Levi didn't seem to mind! |
 |
| Hanging out with Auntie Alicia, having fun with Mommy's iPhone camera |
 |
| Hanging out with Uncle Andrew and Auntie Pearl (the newlyweds)...photo courtesy of Levi - as you can tell by the tiny foot in the foreground |
 |
| Playing K'Nex with Grandpa |
 |
| Having a pastoral coffee break with someone who stopped by the house to see my dad one day |
 |
| Trying out his birthday present from Grandpa and Grandma, a hand-crafted rocking horse made by my very talented pops |
 |
| More quality time with Alicia this morning before we all hit the road |
So that has been my past week. Crazy. No two days have been the same. But it has been great. And in celebration of Levi's second birthday, which is today (October 8), Nathan and I bought him a play kitchen. As we susptected, he LOVES it. It's a bit of an unconventional toy to buy for a boy, but as he was begging to "cook" until well past his bedtime tonight, I knew that it was the right decision! Here he is filling up his cup with water from the fridge door water dispenser. Man, play kitchens have changed since the last time I played with one as a kid! Fridge water dispenser?! Built in microwave?
.JPG)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Colouring in the Tub
I like to do fun, unexpected things with Levi. Sometimes I find ideas on Pinterest, and sometimes I just think of them randomly when I'm laying in bed at night or working on Uniquely Me Design orders during naptime. I think I get more excited about these things than Levi does at this point, but he seems to have fun with them just the same!
Today we did tub colouring! I was going to wait until Levi had a bit of a meltdown (not that he has those...) so that I could pull this out of my bag of tricks and distract him from being grumpy...but I couldn't wait. He didn't even get dressed before I said, "Levi, would you like to colour in the tub this morning?!" We took his Crayola washable crayons (brilliant invention, especially when he was learning to keep his crayons on the paper! - http://www.crayola.com/browse-products/16-ct-crayola-washable-crayons.aspx), dried out the tub after our morning showers, and went to work! Levi had a blast. The first few marks were cautious. Levi knows very well that he's not supposed to colour anywhere except paper so he would hold a crayon over a part of the tub and look at me with question in his eyes. I just smiled and said "yup!" and he drew. Then he moved to another piece of tub and looked up at me again, making sure it was ok. Before too long, he was just scribbling happily away. I haven't tested how well it comes off the tub yet...I'm assuming since it comes off everything else with water, that it will just wipe right off...but it might leave some colourful marks for a couple weeks. I'll let you know.
Levi's colour of choice this morning was orange, as you can see. He really seems to like it ever since I told him that orange has yellow in it (yellow is his #1 favourite colour right now...but orange will do in a pinch. Unless there is green...GREEN GO!)
I'm so thankful that I have a little almost-2 year old to do these things with. It just wasn't quite the same before we had kids when I had to do them by myself...
*Not even 5 minutes later, the tub is perfectly clean. I used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser since I was cleaning the entire tub while I was at it and it wiped off easily, with zero scrubbing and zero colour left behind! I'm sure they would have come off just as easily with a damp cloth.
Today we did tub colouring! I was going to wait until Levi had a bit of a meltdown (not that he has those...) so that I could pull this out of my bag of tricks and distract him from being grumpy...but I couldn't wait. He didn't even get dressed before I said, "Levi, would you like to colour in the tub this morning?!" We took his Crayola washable crayons (brilliant invention, especially when he was learning to keep his crayons on the paper! - http://www.crayola.com/browse-products/16-ct-crayola-washable-crayons.aspx), dried out the tub after our morning showers, and went to work! Levi had a blast. The first few marks were cautious. Levi knows very well that he's not supposed to colour anywhere except paper so he would hold a crayon over a part of the tub and look at me with question in his eyes. I just smiled and said "yup!" and he drew. Then he moved to another piece of tub and looked up at me again, making sure it was ok. Before too long, he was just scribbling happily away. I haven't tested how well it comes off the tub yet...I'm assuming since it comes off everything else with water, that it will just wipe right off...but it might leave some colourful marks for a couple weeks. I'll let you know.
Levi's colour of choice this morning was orange, as you can see. He really seems to like it ever since I told him that orange has yellow in it (yellow is his #1 favourite colour right now...but orange will do in a pinch. Unless there is green...GREEN GO!)
I'm so thankful that I have a little almost-2 year old to do these things with. It just wasn't quite the same before we had kids when I had to do them by myself...
*Not even 5 minutes later, the tub is perfectly clean. I used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser since I was cleaning the entire tub while I was at it and it wiped off easily, with zero scrubbing and zero colour left behind! I'm sure they would have come off just as easily with a damp cloth.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Away
It's been 7 weeks since I've updated my blog. Wow. I'm pretty sure that's the longest break I've ever taken since I started blogging in May of 2006. Six years I've been blogging. Crazy. Seems like forever and no time at all. After 6 years, it has started to feel like I just don't have anything left to write. I started blogging because I pictured this becoming a place where I would update family and friends about our life and how our children were growing and changing. When we didn't get pregnant, my blog became a bit of an infertility forum, documenting what I was feeling as we lived through infertility, though still being a place to write about random life happenings. And then we got pregnant and, now that I finally have my chance to blog about the things that I started my blog in order to blog about, I've found that I have no desire to blog anymore. Strange how that works.
I have been feeling like:
- I would rather keep in touch with people on a one-on-one basis
- I would rather share deeply with only the people I choose to share with and not the whole blogosphere (though I don't regret my sharing here in the past one bit)
- I would rather spend my discretionary time during the day doing things that I choose to do, not doing things that I feel like I *should* be doing...like blogging
- I have run out of things to say. When I started blogging, I was inspired to write. These days I have been inspired by other things. I've been inspired to make things, to work on our yard and home, to come up with fun things for Levi and I to do together.
I wouldn't necessarily call this the absolute end of my blog, except that I don't really want my blog to be one that just drags on with one post here and one post there. I'd rather be fully committed or willing to let go and say that I'm done. So, everyone? I'm done. Wow. That was actually hard to type. But it's the right decision. I'm done.
It's been a fun ride. I've enjoyed meeting people and getting to know people through blogging. Thanks for all the support you, my blog readers, have given me over the years. I've enjoyed having the creative outlet to throw my writing out to the world and the place to share my thoughts. But now I just have to say good-bye. And spend time with my boy. And my husband. And throw my energy into HOME-making. Thank you all for following along. Feel free to contact me via fb or email if you're interested in catching up :) And who knows? When Levi grows up and I find myself with more time on my hands, I may indeed be inspired to write once again...we'll just have to wait and see!
I have been feeling like:
- I would rather keep in touch with people on a one-on-one basis
- I would rather share deeply with only the people I choose to share with and not the whole blogosphere (though I don't regret my sharing here in the past one bit)
- I would rather spend my discretionary time during the day doing things that I choose to do, not doing things that I feel like I *should* be doing...like blogging
- I have run out of things to say. When I started blogging, I was inspired to write. These days I have been inspired by other things. I've been inspired to make things, to work on our yard and home, to come up with fun things for Levi and I to do together.
I wouldn't necessarily call this the absolute end of my blog, except that I don't really want my blog to be one that just drags on with one post here and one post there. I'd rather be fully committed or willing to let go and say that I'm done. So, everyone? I'm done. Wow. That was actually hard to type. But it's the right decision. I'm done.
It's been a fun ride. I've enjoyed meeting people and getting to know people through blogging. Thanks for all the support you, my blog readers, have given me over the years. I've enjoyed having the creative outlet to throw my writing out to the world and the place to share my thoughts. But now I just have to say good-bye. And spend time with my boy. And my husband. And throw my energy into HOME-making. Thank you all for following along. Feel free to contact me via fb or email if you're interested in catching up :) And who knows? When Levi grows up and I find myself with more time on my hands, I may indeed be inspired to write once again...we'll just have to wait and see!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)