Worth thinking about...

I've been thinking about the Sabbath lately.  Actually, I should say that I've been reading a book called "Sabbath" by Dan Allender and that's what has me thinking about the topic. *a few of these thoughts are taken from there, so to avoid anything even remotely like plagiarism, I'll admit that now*  What is the Sabbath?  Is it really a command as important as "Do not steal" or "Do not kill"?  How is it supposed to look in our lives?  And what does it mean for a stay-at-home wife and mother? (Warning: If you don't like inconclusive thoughts that spew in a number of different directions and never arrive at a final destination, you should probably stop reading now)

In this book, Allender talks about how the Sabbath is a command that we should all obey.  He points out that it is, in fact, one of the ten commandments.  Ok.  This hit me JUST a little.  I've always known that the Sabbath was important, but as important as not killing someone or stealing from them?  Really?  Wow.  That's pretty important. 

So if the Sabbath is so important, what is it supposed to look like?  Are we supposed to count our steps and not walk more than 100 in case it turns into work?  Or are we supposed to not drive anywhere?  Or is driving to church and home again ok, but not to the mall?  Is it even ok to go to the mall on the Sabbath?  And what about the grocery store to pick up a few things that you need for lunch?  Speaking of lunch, that's right, today we decided to eat out.  Is that allowed, or should we refrain from eating out on the Sabbath because we are "making" someone else work on the Sabbath?  Or maybe the reason to not eat out on the Sabbath is because we needed to drive to the restaurant, walk to our table, and pay for our food .  If we're not careful, the Sabbath can become awfully legalistic, and I think that is almost as serious as ignoring the day altogether.

At this point I sit back and ponder what I've been reminded of so far. 
-  The Sabbath is a command and, therefore, a very important day to honour every week. 
-  We should not be legalistic about what we do or do not do on the Sabbath. 
It seems like there is a big margin of ways to go wrong here...

This is where I get stuck a bit.  See, I am a stay-at-home mom.  My "job" is to take care of Levi, to cook meals, to clean up, to be at home and keep things running smoothly on a day-to-day basis.  Yet a big part of the Sabbath for most people is not going in to work.  See my dilemma? What happens if your work is around you just as much on the Sabbath as it is every other day of the week?  Levi and Nathan need to be fed just as much as any other day.  Levi's diapers need to be changed and, as much as I may try to plan ahead, I may need to throw a load of dirty diapers into the washing machine.  My work doesn't necessarily stop (though there are things I can put off doing for a day and I do recognize that) just because it is the Sabbath.  My Sabbaths don't necessarily feel like a day that's more "special" than the rest. 

Another thought I have is, if Sabbath doesn't merely mean staying home from work (because, in addition to stay-at-home moms, some people are unemployed), there must be something more.  Some people spend every day watching tv or playing golf or taking care of their family, yet we are all called to take a Sabbath.  What makes a Sabbath look different than any other day for these people?  Could it be possible that we are commanded to make the Sabbath a more special day than just your average day off and to do different things than just your typical "shut off your mind" type things?  Could it be possible that we are commanded to celebrate one day of the week more than the rest?

I find this fascinating to think about.  And I am inspired to find some ways to make the Sabbath back into what God meant it to be.  It's got to be more than just a day off spending the afternoon in front of the tv or taking a nap (though those could be wonderful components of the day!).  More than just going to church in the morning and assuming that this fills the requirement yet feeling disappointed and unrenewed as we begin the new week. 

God gave us a wonderful gift in giving us a weekly Sabbath.  Allender describes it as a day that you should anticipate every week like a child anticipates Christmas, feet swinging and eyes shining.  It is a day to prepare for and delight in.  I'm excited about what this is going to look like in my life because, as much as I have a hard time imagining it, I'm sure God didn't exclude wives and mothers from this command : )

A list (the random kind) - in no particular order

• I love sunshine.  Today there is sunshine.  Therefore, today will be a lovely day.
• I bought a sewing basket yesterday.  My sewing supplies were taking over the denim bag that I was trying to keep them all in so I splurged and spent some of my allowance (yes, we do allowances...best idea ever!) on one.  But don't picture a typical "basket".  Oh no.  This is a heavy duty plastic one with compartments galore!  If you couldn't tell already, I'm pretty excited about my purchase!
• We are now back in Hepburn...for another week.  And then we head to PA!  Time for a visit with Marsha!
• I dreamed last night that my mom was having another baby just a couple weeks before I was due.  I was pretty excited because I would get to spend tons of time with a baby but didn't have to wait ALL THE WAY until my due date.  Random crazy dreams I have these days.  Nathan thinks it's something that I eat before bed (no clue what that would be???).  I just tell him that I've always had random, weird, vivid dreams and pregnancy probably just isn't helping matters much these days!
• We bought our nursery furniture yesterday!  We found a great deal on Kijiji (of which Nathan and I are rapidly becoming fans) and went to see it/pick it up yesterday.  We got a crib, armoire, and small cupboard/change table all for less than we were hoping to spend on the crib alone!  And I really like it too!  It's really simple, but I love simple.  I'll post pictures once we have it all set up.  It'll be more exciting then anyway... : )
• I realized yesterday that, when we got pregnant, I was super-excited but the idea of this pregnancy actually ending one day with a real, live baby was a pretty abstract thought.  Have any other women out there had this feeling?  It just sorta feels surreal and like this pregnancy is a new reality that you just have to live with now (forever!).  Well, I'm over the halfway mark now, almost in the third trimester, and time is flying!  Seriously...there are only 15 weeks left until we meet this little person who likes to punch and kick and squirm in there.  Fifteen weeks is a long time and yet...it's not really that long!
• Nathan and I have been enjoying having our dog back.  True, he does spend alot of time outside, but last night Nathan made a comment about how he's glad that we have such a decently well-behaved dog.  It really is a good thing that I had so many hours to spend training him when we first got him.  For the first few weeks/months (starting September 2006), I would spend literally hours at a time just working with him and training him.  And as a result, he (usually) does listen to me quite well.  I'm so glad for that.  I don't think I could ever keep a dog that doesn't listen!  I've been on farms with untrained dogs (or even worse, been with untrained indoor dogs) who just don't respect and listen to humans and I just couldn't do it.  There are certain habits that, if our next dog had them, they would be out the door in a matter of weeks!  Really, the longer I have a dog, the more convinced I am that the joy in having a dog comes from having a well-trained dog.  There's my little rant.  I guess now I should actually make a point of spending some time with Lennox today!
• I guess I should also give a little update on McBaby.  He/she is around 2 lbs now and 9+ inches long.  I'm definitely feeling the extra length.  When baby lies sideways across my stomach, I am quite comfortable and marvel at the feeling of movement both on my far right side and, at the same time, near the middle of my belly...about 9 inches apart.  When the baby decides to turn, though, and goes into the "upright" position, life is quite a bit less comfortable.  My ribs have been sore the past couple days as the feet/head press and push and try to make room in there.  There's no slouching now when I sit!  Baby needs all the room he/she can get in there!  Sleep is also progressively more disturbed.  I haven't slept through a night in months already.  And some mornings when I wake up, I'm convinced that my hips are only a fraction of an inch away from being dislocated.  Ouch.  But oh the joy of knowing that this pain and discomfort is due to a tiny baby growing in there and needing more space.  What a blessing!
• Let's see...what else?  I mentioned a couple months ago that I love to read during the summers.  Well, I haven't been reading anything interesting lately.  Ever since the end of last semester, I just haven't been able to really get into a book and have it hold my attention.  I used to get lost in books for hours upon hours.  Now my mind just wanders while I read and I end up having to re-read pages over and over again just to track with what's happening.  I think I may pull out some of my old childhood fiction.  Maybe that will be able to hold my attention!  I got a few suggestions back when I last posted about summer reads, but I'm open to more suggestions!  One of these days I hope to stop by the library, pick up a stack of books that you have recommended, and spend a good long time sitting on the deck, with Lennox at my feet, reading the summer away.  Ideally I would be in a hammock, but I doubt it would be very comfortable at this stage in the game. (game being pregnancy and stage being 6 months)

A Summer Read...

When I was young, probably starting around the time I started reading, my summers would always be filled with reading clubs.  Either through our local library, or through a Christian Book distributor (whoever had the better prizes!), I would sign up and fill out page after page of books that I'd read throughout summer vacation.  I would read while we were in the car on vacation.  I would read before going to bed.  I would read to and from trips to town in our car.  I would read in the hammock.  I would spend entire days just reading!

I have such fond memories of checking out book after book (usually 10 or 15 at a time!) from our library and poring over them, just absorbing the stories.  As I got older, my summers ceased to involve reading clubs.  I was a bit sad when I reached their age limits.  I've always continued to read, though.

Often in my summers, I like to pick out a book from my growing up years and re-read it while on vacation.  There is something so simple and wonderful about going outside with a good book and spending hours just swaying in a hammock and experiencing someone else's story for a while.  I'm not sure what my summer read will be this year.  A couple years ago (four summers ago) I re-read Charlotte's Web while at Nathan's grandma's cottage out in Ontario. Whatever I choose this year, I have a feeling that it'll be a wonderfully relaxing summer...

What is your favorite childhood chapter book?  Any suggestions for my summer reading list?

Quote of the Day...

I've found that I have alot of time to do homework these days (just what I needed!  Now I just need motivation...).  Anyway, I have been reading the book Dissident Discipleship by David Augsburger and came across a quote that I just thought was SO true, but didn't realize anyone actually had the guts to write it down and publish it.  But I'm sure it's true for all of us!

"We might define true community as that place where the person 

you least want to live with always lives." - Parker Palmer

Haha.  Makes me laugh every time I read it.  The best humour is humourous because it is true.  And in my case, it is humourous because I live in "true community" right now. 

Rob Bell Live

Seeing Rob Bell last night was alot of fun.  It was quite a small venue (couldn't have been more than 500 people there) and we were in the fourth row from the front, so it really felt like a small church service or something.  Except it was pretty different from church.  Haha.  Nathan and I hadn't read his latest book yet, but Nathan bought the coffee table version half an hour before the show started and we managed to read the whole thing!  It's really not a long read. 

After seeing Rob in LA back in 2007, I thought I would feel kind of like we'd been there, done that.  But it was SO different in a small venue, like I mentioned earlier.  He really engages with the audience alot more when there are less than 1000 people there.  Not that 2007 was bad in LA.  He is still an amazing speaker, no matter how many people there are...but there's something about that more personal contact that makes it fun.

Rob Bell spoke on his newest book, Drops Like Stars.  It talks alot about pain and why bad things happen and how those bad things shape us.  A point that stuck out to Nathan and I was how pain can either make us bitter or better.  It really had us looking at whether our struggle with infertility has made us bitter or better.  At points, I/we have certainly been bitter, but overall, I would have to go with better.  Our faith has been refined through this like it would never have been if we'd just gotten pregnant right away.  And while I'd rather already have a babe or two in our home, I AM glad for how God has been working and shaping us and will continue to shape us into who He desires for us to be.

We drove 1 3/4 hours to get to the show and with it only starting at 8pm, it ended up being a late night.  We got out of there (with our signed copies of books and anti-Rob Bell propaganda) just after 10pm, went and picked up our friends' daughter who was being watched by her grandparents and arrived home at 12:30.  Now that wouldn't have been too late a night if we'd been able to get ready for bed right away.  But we hadn't cleaned the student center yet.  We hoped it would only take 10 minutes to quickly tidy up, but we were WRONG.  45 minutes later it was 1:15am and we were done, and TIRED. Poor Nathan had an 8:30 class this morning.  I, on the other hand, enjoyed my freedom and slept until 9:30.  Aah.  When else in life will I be able to do this?

So overall, a good evening was had by all.  Lots of jokes about heresy and how we couldn't be seen coming out of a place like that, lest someone from the seminary saw us. (Rob Bell gets alot of criticism thrown at him...as we were standing outside in line, waiting to get in, we were all handed a "Rob Bell is a heretic" informational postcard with sadly out-of-context quotes from his books...we proceeded to get this postcard signed by Rob Bell himself which made him laugh)

Not much on the menu for today.  Nathan is still in class...I still haven't showered, so I will do that before too long and get ready for the day.  Then who knows...  Hope you all have a wonderful day! 

Reading and thinking...

One of the courses that I'm auditing this semester is Discipleship and Ethics.  It is not my favorite course, but it does have some interesting books and some intriguing discussions.  One of the books for the course is A Wind in the Door by L'Engle.  I read this one back over Christmas break to try to get ahead on my reading and it got the gears in my head turning, thinking about the idea of naming and being named.

When we discussed the book in class last week, I really enjoyed the discussion on naming.  Now, I'm not sure that I have the most clear definition of naming to share with you, but I would describe it something like this: to have someone affirm, either through word or action, who you were created to be.  We were created to be unique people, each with unique gifts and characteristics.  When someone sees who you are and affirms that in you, in a sense they are "naming" you.  They are helping to build your identity.

Of course, with the discussion of naming, we also had to discuss the idea of "un-naming."  In class, the definition that the professor, Mark Baker, gave was that un-naming is when the statement of who you are has a negative effect. Un-naming would be for someone to tell you that you will never amount to anything.  It is a negative effect and you may start to believe that you will actually never amount to anything, thus hindering you from becoming who God created you to be.

All of this "naming" and "un-naming" stuff gets a bit confusing, but it is so very interesting to think of how I've been named (and un-named) in my life.  For instance, I have gotten the impression from some in my life (mostly through childhood, but also in adulthood) that to be a "petite" person is to be less of a person than someone of average height or taller.  Kids bullied me in school and made jokes about my size all through school.  And today, people still just look over my head and speak only to Nathan when we're together.  That is un-naming.  It makes me feel like less than who I was created to be.  On the other hand, as a child I always received the message from my parents that I was a good kid.  I never once questioned whether they were proud of me or not.  Yes, I did do bad things sometimes, but it was never a question of whether or not I was a "good" kid.  And so my identity was shaped by that.  I knew I was a good kid so I lived up to that and became more of who I was created by God to be.  Does that make sense?  Naming and un-naming.

There are hundreds and thousands of ways that I've been named and un-named in my life.  It happens every day.  It is important to recognize where we are being named and un-named so that we can embrace our "names" and make a conscious effort to not let the "un-naming" stick.

As I was thinking about this one day, I remembered a book that I read back in high school called The Giver.  At the time, I didn't think much of it, but I started reading it again last night and it fits really well with this topic.  It has alot of naming throughout the book and it is interesting to see how the names that people are given shape who they become (both positively, if the name was a good fit, and negatively, if they chose the wrong person for the name). 

I highly recommend this book, and A Wind in the Door as well, though if I had to rate them, The Giver would rank higher on my list.  Interesting food for thought, though...

Life is dangerous...

 

I was looking through this book that we picked up off of a free books table a couple months ago and found something very interesting.  I quote:

"A lack of height can cut your life, well, short."

See, people?  I KNEW that being short isn't all the blessing it's cracked up to be!  Apparently taller people earn more money, are more respected, and actually live longer than shorter people.

So there you have it.  Tall people, rejoice.  You, apparently, are the chosen ones. : )

fog.

One of the hardest things about infertility, for me, has been the overarching feeling of being suffocated under a thick blanket of fog.  Throughout much of the last few years that we've been struggling with our infertility, it has been hard to see much past it.  There have been moments, even month-long stretches, of breaks in the clouds where a few things in the periphery are in focus, and these have been wonderful.  But the time spent under the blanket has been exhausting.

In the fog of infertility, everything seems to hurt a little bit more.  Everything seems to take a little bit more energy.  Seeing truth seems to take a little bit more straining.  Relationships seem to take a little bit more intentionality.  Life is just different than it was before the fog.

This past year has been one of great steps forward.  I spent much of the year feeling quite optimistic about our hope to grow our family.  There were a couple months when I felt the best I'd felt about growing our family since before we started trying and I (foolishly) assumed that I'd moved safely past the worst of it.  But then there have been a few months that have been the hardest months since early on and, in some ways, these months have been THE hardest ones yet.

I've been re-reading, upon Nathan's suggestion, Pete Greig's book, "God on Mute."  The title pretty much sums up what the book is about.  What are we supposed to do/think/believe/hope when God seems to be on mute?  When there seem to be no answers to our prayers?  Admittedly, there have seemed to be no answers coming from heaven regarding our longed-for children.  It has been quite the spiritual struggle, in addition to our physical struggle, to bear children.  But God has been doing some pretty amazing things in my heart, especially over these past couple weeks...

I am feeling hope again.

I am seeing the light again.

I am excited for 2010, whether it brings an expansion to our family or not (and believe me, this is a big step!).

I found a poem and a verse in this book that I'd love to share.  I've been thinking about them alot lately.  The verse is Romans 5:3-5 (the Message):

 ^3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! 

And the poem:


first
there is
     prayer
and where there is prayer
there may be
     miracles
but where miracles may not be
there are
     questions
and where there are questions
there may be
     silence
but silence may be
more than
     absence
silence
may be presence
     muted
silence
may be nothing but
     something
to explore
defy accuse
     engage
and
this is
     prayer
and where there is prayer
there may yet be
     miracles. . .

(Greig, Pete; God on Mute; p.29)

The Poisonwood Bible

I've just finished reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. One of our first few weeks here, I walked through the fiction section of the library on campus and chose this book to be my next read. I chose it first because of it's size. It is 543 pages long. I wanted something that would keep me going for a while. I'd say it took me about a month of before-bed reading to finish it.

It was a good book. It was written REALLY well. Things in the beginning tied beautifully into things later in the book (foreshadowing). There were images and themes that were repeated throughout the book. At times the characters would be talking about something like the Poisonwood tree, yet you knew that they were really talking about their father. The book would totally make sense if you didn't pick up on any of these underlying literary devices, but it makes it a much richer book if you do.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants something good to read in the next while. Perhaps a good book to curl up with this winter (over and over and over again).