Reflections on Motherhood

Tonight as I sat on the edge of Levi's bed, one hand being held by a sleepy Levi and the other wrapped around a sleeping Kayden, both children silent and still with me in the same moment, I felt such an unexpected rush of gratitude.  I've known for my entire life that I wanted to be a mom.  That this is what I was created to be.  And yet, in those 25 years of being preparing, nothing could have fully prepared me for the amount of love that is bursting forth for these two children today. 

Levi is a handful these days.  He is feeling the loss of having mommy and daddy all to himself and it is often coming out in testing ways.  And yet, tonight after supper, he and I spent 15 minutes just laughing together.  Sitting at the table and looking at each other and laughing uncontrollably with each other for no reason other than being happy to be together.

Kayden is so sweet.  She does cry, occasionally, and sometimes it's for no apparent reason at all, but my heart is so full when I look into her eyes and she looks into mine!  My love for her just grows every day as I get to know her more and as our connection deepens.

I am incredibly blessed to be able to call these two children mine.  They are indeed gifts from God and I will never take them for granted.  Having three years to ponder what life might look like without children has landed me in a place now of being humbled and grateful, a place unlike any I would have been in without that period of waiting. 

When we named our children, we took into consideration the meanings of their names, middle names especially. We gave Levi the name "Jonathan" because it means "God has given."  We gave Kayden the name "Grace" because it is by God's grace that we are fully healed and that Nathan and I have not one but two beautiful children.

So tonight I am feeling extra thankful for these two wonders who share life with us.  And thankful that I am called their mother.  All praise to HIM...forever and ever.

On worship...

Something that I've experienced many times but only put words to this morning is how, when moving to a new place, worship is something I miss.  Not worship in general, as that goes wherever a person goes.  But worshiping with the certain group of people.  I had never really realized this before.  I assumed that just because I found a new community of believers to worship with, worship went with me.  But things change.  Different worship leaders lead worship differently.  Each leader guides the congregation into worship in their own way...in the way they are gifted.  Every once in a while, I'll be listening to worship music and certain songs will take me right back to a "congregation" that I've been a part of and a certain worship leader who was leading in that place and time.  Worshiping together is a very intimate and special thing for the Body of Christ, the church.  And whether or not you're actually in a church building or calling yourself an official church, each "worship service" has it's own unique offerings to our Lord.  I love to reflect back on the people I've worshiped with over the years, whether I knew them personally or not, and give praise to my Father who has given me the opportunity to worship in many different places all the while giving honour to the same God.  What an amazing God we serve.  And what an amazing thing the Body is.  Look around you...who is a part of the Body that you're worshiping God with today?  Take time to appreciate the unique worship that you're a part of right now...