little rant

Ok, so sometimes facebook is wonderful and sometimes it is just plan terrible.  I was just on facebook, seeing all these people who have gotten married in the past year and are already pregnant, and I was getting really discouraged.  I'm sorry if this is you and you got pregnant in your first year of marriage or as soon as you started trying to have a baby.  This rant isn't against you personally...it's just that when it takes SO.MUCH.TIME (and EFFORT and TEARS and WORK and PRAYER) for some to get pregnant, how is it fair that others just get pregnant as soon as they decide that they'd like to start a family?  WHY?  Why can't everyone who so desperately desires to be a parent just have it happen like it does for others?  Why couldn't it either be hard for everyone or easy for everyone?  Why can't we all be on a level playing field here??  I guess I just don't understand.  And I guess I'm still a bit bitter that we had to wait THREE+ years to welcome Levi into our lives, four years and one month from the time we started to try until the time we met him face to face.  Don't tell me that God has a plan.  Don't tell me that things turned out better this way.  Don't tell me that we waited this long to have Levi and that if we'd had a baby right away it wouldn't have been the same baby as we have now.  Don't give me pat answers because this isn't a simple issue.  It isn't a simple issue.  I still deal with the effects of having struggled with infertility for over 3 years.  I still hurt because of it.  I still have questions.  The pain and wondering doesn't go away with the positive pregnancy test...with the baby's first cry in the delivery room.  It's easier to forget about the road that it took to get here, but the road is still there.  The memories are still there.  The scars are still there.  And every once in a while, like when I'm stalking around facebook, it hits me like a truck.  It's not gone.  It still hurts.  And it's not fair.  IT'S.NOT.FAIR. 

turning corners

Levi has been sick this week.  It seems that every time he hangs out with his little buddies who have even a hint of sickness or a cold, he gets it.  This is quite the opposite of his first year of life as he wasn't sick at all.  I guess the antibodies that come from a mother's milk really do make a difference! 

Speaking of sickness, the other night Levi was up coughing and crying.  I offered him water and he refused.  I tried snuggling and rocking him.  He just arched his back and screamed louder.  He kept reaching for the door (which he always does when he doesn't want to sleep) so finally I just went with it, like I have before, and left his room.  He kept crying and reaching so I just kept following where he led.  Once we reached the fridge, he reached for it and I opened it and gave him his milk.  He GUZZLED.  Like, the world is ending, guzzled.  And stopped crying.  And then, once he was finished chugging back his milk, he snuggled into my chest and reached the other direction.  Seeing as he had led me to what he wanted in the first place, I thought I would just follow his lead again.  He led me to our bedroom (the only light on in the house at this point) and I lay down in our bed with him.  He just lay there on my chest, perfectly calm and happy (though still the occasional cough).  Three minutes earlier he had been a screaming, inconsolable mess and now he was laying on me as though nothing was wrong.  I still needed to do a few things before coming to bed so I asked Levi if he could snuggle with Daddy for a few minutes.  He shook his head, but he often shakes his head when he hears the "question" tone.  He shakes his head 'no' to everything.  So I handed him over to Nathan while I went and got ready for bed.  He screamed the.entire.time.  Apparently he meant what he said when he shook his head 'no' to Daddy.  I got back and he calmed down as soon as he was in my arms. 

Now, this whole scenario isn't so much about the details of what happened, as about turning a corner in communication!  For months, Levi has been whining and having melt-down after melt-down because he couldn't communicate.  He would try and I would try to understand and help him, but often the melt-down would come before he really got across what he was trying to say.  But since that night, it has been a complete turn-around!  I think I might actually enjoy being a mother of a toddler now! (not that I didn't enjoy most of it already, but it certainly wasn't shaping up to be my favourite of life stages...those tantrums are something else!)  Now, even if Levi is in melt-down mode, I can ask him calmly to show me what he wants, and he'll make a honest effort, and most of the time he feels understood!  And when he feels understood, even if I say 'no' to him because he can't have what he's asking for, the tears are fewer and he moves on to something else more quickly.  Aah.  We turned a corner with that one!  Whoo-hoo!

In other news, I got a huge stack of crochet magazines this week from one of the women who works at the local post office.  She has seen my packages of yarn coming in and my scads of product going out and thought I might be interested in these.  The magazines are from the years 1988-1993 and I must say, I had some good laughs.  There are a TON of patterns that I want to try (at least a variation of), but some of them...well, why don't I just show you?

I offered to make this for Nathan (so he could wear it in case his body was cold but arms were not).  He's considering it.

Full crochet suit, complete with hat?  Yes, please.

Aren't we all hoity-toity, reading a book with perfect posture and shawl tied just so? *hem hem hem*

Ugly Christmas sweater!!!  I might just have to make this one...you'll notice that I have it "marked" for future consideration.

 

 

 

Stylish blazer...and bun netting thing...*shudder*

And last but not least...the old becoming new again!  Doesn't this vignette look quite "now"?  Aside from hanging an afghan on the wall (today it would be wall-paper, another nod back to the 90's).  But couldn't that be an Ikea lack table there in front?  I may very well make this one.  It wouldn't be for our house, but is anyone else interested?  As a side-note, I'm pretty sure my dad has those very same book ends...

And that is that.  What an interesting day I had yesterday looking through all these magazines, marking all the patterns that may be of interest.  And with that, I'll leave you to carry on your day!  Have a good one!

clean and tidy

Tonight as Levi has been falling asleep, I've been tidying the house.  Not cleaning, per se, but just putting things back into their place.  I've been working my way from one end of the house to the other, top floor and basement, just straightening and organizing and setting things right again.  And here's what I've realized:

I've become way too accustomed to seeing things out of their place.  

For example, I tidied the basement rec/family room and thought, "There.  That's pretty good." And then I stepped back to look at it again and saw that there were still two or three remotes laying around, one right there in the middle of the floor.  There were still a couple of alphabet blocks scattered along the walls.  And I hadn't even touched my desk!  Wow.  I came upstairs and there was still a pair of Levi's socks in the hall that I'd meant to take to the "too small" box downstairs.  Levi's belt was still sitting beside the dryer where it fell as I did laundry today.  I just have gotten too used to seeing random things around the house in random places.  Now, that is partly due to having a son who loves to carry things around the house and drop them wherever he sees something more interesting to pick up.  It brings me great joy to find some of these treasures (broom in bedroom, hairspray in living room, cup at the end of the hall by the deck door).  But I bet that's not the whole reason.  I think I've just become a bit lax when it comes to keeping the house tidy. Instead of putting things away when I'm finished with them - like my mom tried to teach me over and over again growing up - I've gotten into the habit (anyone else tend to spell "habit" like "hobbit" with two "b"'s?) of just moving on to the next thing and leaving my project sitting on the floor for days or putting something in a pile to be dealt with later.  I still have Christmas cards/letter sitting on the microwave from December for crying out loud!  It's been two months!  And yet, I am just so used to seeing them there and have no idea what to do with them, so there they sit.

Today I was watching Levi play, like I often do.  He was playing with his Little People Barn that he got for Christmas.  It is interesting because, when he plays, he is very intentional about all his animals standing on their feet.  If he puts the goat in the barn and it falls over in the process, he'll carefully reach in and set it back on its feet.  Seeing this got me thinking about whether this will be a life-long characteristic of his...will he always be particular and want things to be proper and in their place?  I have had phases in my life where I have been like that.  Everything had to be in its place, facing the right direction, and no clutter piles whatsoever.  (My dorm rooms at Bible college, both first and second year, were amazingly clean and tidy ALL.THE.TIME.)   And you know, life is alot less stressful like that!  I enjoy having a place for everything and putting things back where they belong as soon as I'm finished with them (or at least at the end of the day).  But it's easy to get lazy when there is a house full of people (and animal) who don't necessarily have the same vision as you.

Well, all this is to say that yes, my house can get untidy.  It is usually clean (enough), but the clutter builds up.  I'm human.  I admit it.  BUT, my goal after this evening, is to designate a place for everything and then, instead of just getting lazy and making piles everywhere of things to be put away, I think I might actually try putting stuff away right away!  Could you imagine?  Putting something away as soon as you're finished with it instead of just setting it aside to be cleaned up later?  Oh, what freedom the evenings would bring!  haha.  Well, it's been nice to dream.  Back to tidying the house...!

February - A Month of Promise

February will always mean a little something extra to me.  It was never a particularly special month to me growing up.  It was shorter than the rest of the months, even on a leap year.  It had Valentine's day, now also Family Day.  But it was still winter and just meant another month of winter routine. 

Eventually I got married and, just over a year later, we started trying to grow our family.  Years came and went and still we weren't pregnant.  I remember one day as I was praying and pleading with God to give us a child, I heard God say, "Expect a baby in February."  That was it.  No details other than that. 

This statement stuck with me and one or two February's came and went with still no sign of a baby.  I had pretty much forgotten about this promise until February 13, 2010.  I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  As soon as I saw that positive, I remembered God's words from years earlier.  And I knew that this was God fulfilling his promise to me: "Expect a baby in February."

I still find myself doubting that God actually speaks.  That He actually answers our prayers and can be trusted.  I find myself knowing in my head, but wondering in my heart.  But when February comes, it will always be a reminder to me that God does speak.  That He does answer prayers and keep His promises. 

I am humbled and amazed...God you are good and your mercy endures forever...

What to write?

I've been uninspired lately.  Uninspired to blog, that is.  I've been inspired to do many other things, certainly, but when it comes to this blog, I just haven't had much to say since, oh, November 2010?  Hmm...right about the time Levi started being more aware and responsive and SO MUCH FUN!  Haha.  Yup, that's definitely part of it!  I don't read other people's blogs nearly as much as I used to either.  There's just something about having only one, maybe two precious hours to myself each day and not feeling like blogs (either writing or reading) are the most attractive way to spend that time.  I'd rather:
...work on my business!
...correspond with people on a more personal basis (ie. email, fb messages, etc)
...clean the house (ok, wouldn't rather do this, but sometimes it just needs to be done)
...do something crafty
...plan my menu
...make supper/bake

Yup, there are so many other things to do these days.  It pains me a bit because for so many years I blogged so faithfully and enjoyed it so much...and was so encouraged by my readers!  Thank you!  I have met wonderful people through blogging and received many kind words and prayers while we were experiencing infertility.  So, for the sake of the past, I shall attempt to write at least weekly blog posts this year.  Think I can do it?  Watch me.

Well, hmm...what to write about today?  For starters, today I am getting three garbage bags full of little boy hand-me-downs!  That's exciting!  I LOVE hand-me-downs.  Seriously.  Love them.  I got an email from a friend from church this morning offering me her son's old clothes.  How could I not gratefully accept her offer??  So, once Nathan gets home from his lunch meeting, I will have three exciting, "get-your-heart-racing" garbage bags of clothes to look through!  Whooie!  On the slight downside, I won't be able to look through them until tomorrow because, as soon as Nathan gets home from his lunch meeting, we are heading to the city!  Now, I can handle the delayed gratification with the hand-me-downs because, drumroll please... ... ... I get to go grocery shopping!  Yeah, I'm weird like that.  I really really enjoy grocery shopping.  There's just something about taking inventory of your pantry, making a list, and then going to the grocery store and crossing things off your list as you put them into your cart.  Then, you haul them all home and put them all away exactly where they belong, where there was nothing before, now there is something!  A fully stocked pantry!  Can anyone else relate?  I know lots of people dread grocery shopping, but, well, I quite enjoy it. :)

After grocery shopping, I will be dropping off a Uniquely Me Design order with a good childhood friend of mine.  It'll be short, but long enough for a quick hug.  Then, it's off to meet a friend from Manitoba who is in the city for a couple days each winter.  Last year he met our 3 month old son and this year he gets to see how much Levi has changed!  Really, he's hardly the same boy...  Anyway, we get to spend this evening hanging out at our friends' hotel and catching up, maybe do some swimming and see if Levi likes it any more than he did this summer (which wasn't very much...is a general dislike of swimming a genetic thing?).  Should be good!

After today, we have a day off.  Nathan has Fridays off, so we will get to spend a day as a family (!!!).  Always a highlight.  THEN, on Saturday, I will have my first complete day away from Levi.  First ever.  Like, I will most likely leave before he's up and will certainly arrive back home after he's sleeping.  Levi gets his first-ever Daddy-day!  I am pretty excited for the bonding that will happen between my two men and to hear the stories that they will have to tell.  I am equally excited for a day to visit with a good friend a couple hours from here and to spend the day scrapbooking!  I haven't started Levi's baby book yet, so I hope to finish my pregnancy album (after 3+ years of infertility, I figured that the whole "making Levi" story deserved its own book) and then get started on Levi's book!  It's intimidating, so I'm a bit nervous to start.  It's probably why Levi is 15 months old already and the pictures are just stacking up higher and higher...

Well, that's about all I can think of right now.  I suppose I should go find some pictures to add to this post to make it at least a little more interesting  :P  (Isn't Levi CUTE?!  It's all those years of praying for a beautiful child...)  Hope you all have a wonderful end to your week!  And an even better weekend!  Take care!

A little "in"...

Here's a little "in" on what I used to do in my spare time back in high school:

I dug these out of a box when I was at my parents' place this Christmas.  I was SO proud of them back in the day.  I was probably around 13 when I made the rabbits and maybe a bit older when I made the dolls.  Not sure.  Definitely still in school though.  My great-grandma used to make dolls like the ones in the top picture and, when I found some doll faces in my mom's craft stuff, I decided to make some dolls of my own.  They are supposed to have little vinyl hands as well, but I guess we didn't have any of those lying around.  What do you think, if I could get my hands on some more of those vinyl faces/hands, do you think that there would be a market for things like this in my Uniquely Me Design shop?

bumGenius Organic AIO - Cloth Diapering Question

Ok, so normally I have absolutely NOTHING bad to say about my cloth diapers.  I seriously LOVE them...I would never choose disposable over cloth, ever.  When I started cloth diapering, I chose the bumGenius Organic AIO (one size).  There are fewer chemicals (obviously), fewer leaks (proven by the number of leaks I had while using disposables on and off the first few months and how they stopped as soon as I put a cloth diaper on my son), and fewer smells (depends whether you prefer to smell chemically altered wet/dirty diapers or the real thing).  I only have one problem with them:

Do you see those holes along the side of the diaper?  Those holes started appearing when I had only used my cloth diapers around 5-6 months.  I'm not sure exactly why they are there.  My guess would be that the drying time is so long because they're AIO that the heat of the dryer (even on a low heat setting) is just too much for the cotton and it breaks down rather quickly.  BUT...really?  Not everyone lives in a climate where they can just hang their diapers up to dry every time.  If I hang them outside, they freeze solid within 5 minutes for 7 months (or more) of the year.  If I hang them inside, even with a fan blowing on them, they take around 20-24 hours to dry completely - and I even have to turn them "inside out" if I don't want the inside to be damp forever.

So I guess I have three questions:
-  Is this normal?
-  Has this happened to anyone else?
-  Is there a way of "patching" the holes or somehow preventing them from getting bigger every single time I do laundry?

I was hoping that these diapers would last through multiple kids (they were quite expensive - bumGenius's most expensive syle of diaper, chosen for the ease of use) but now I'm just hoping that I won't have to buy more cloth diapers or *sharp intake of breath* use disposables for the last few months until my son is potty trained.

Are there any other cloth diapering mama's out there?  Which cloth diapers do you use?  What do you love/hate about your diapers?  If you've cloth-diapered through multiple children, did you have your diapers eventually wear out and how long would you say that a diaper generally lasts??  As much as I love my bumGenius Organic AIO's for their look, ease of use, and fit, I must say, I am fairly disappointed that they started wearing out so quickly...

*Sidenote: I did try to get warranty, Cotton Babies was very willing to look at my diapers and consider them for warranty even if the diapers arrived after the one year warranty mark, but I had ripped a seam in all my diapers (there was a seam across the back of the sewn-in insert and I removed it to allow more airflow during the drying process - it did help) and I wasn't sure if that would affect the warranty and didn't want to be without my diapers for the month or two that it would have taken to mail away my diaper stash without being sure that they would be replaced.  Not having my diapers replaced on warranty is completely on me, and is not a hit on Cotton Babies (the makers of bumGenius products).

And other things...

Well, after the infamous pudding painting experience, and a more recent traumatizing first bubble bath for Levi (what is that stuff?!  Get it OFF of me!!!), I've finally found something that Levi loves and is enthralled with!  It's called "food-colouring-fun-in-the-bath."  Here's how it works: you run a bath.  You strip down the target.  You put said target into bath.  THEN, you direct the target's attention to a small bottle of food colouring being held just above their head, pointing down toward the bath water.  Squeeze slightly and *presto*!  One drop of food colouring goes into the bath water.  Target may not notice right away what has happened so you may need to point out the beautiful colour that is infusing their bath time with fun right before their eyes.  Target may attempt to "catch" the colour, which makes this activity even more fun as the colour will only spread instead of being caught!  Once target has tired of this first drop, try a second drop!  And a third!  The possibilities are endless (or at least endless until you've finished your bottle of food colouring and the bath water is no longer translucent because it is saturated with FUN).  Ta-da!  I will note, however, that green, yellow, and red food colourings may not be ideal choices.  To each their own, I guess, but don't say I didn't warn you...

What else have we been up to?  Hmm...well, Christmas is coming!  We will be celebrating Christmas as our family of 3 on Christmas Eve this year.  Then, after the church's Christmas Eve service, we will make the late-night trek to my parents' place to spend a couple days there with my family.  It is so nice that we will ALL be able to be together twice this year!  What a treat :)  Now that my sister is living back in Canada (as of yesterday), hopefully it can happen a bit more often.  Between Christmas and New Years, Nathan will be speaking at a summer camp staff retreat at a camp nearby.  Levi and I will be able to go with him and hopefully it will be a bit of a retreat for us as well as encouraging for Nathan as he really enjoys speaking at these types of events.  On New Year's Day, we will head out to Nathan's parents' place where we will spend two nights and celebrate the holidays with his family.  It is nice that everyone on this side of the family is within 90 minutes of driving so getting together is something that can happen fairly easily a few times a year!  So nice.

I have been busy crocheting (I've averaged about .75-1 toque EVERY SINGLE DAY since mid-October).  I've finished all my current outstanding Christmas sales, though, and now am only working on my own personal projects.  It's a nice change of pace.

Nathan has a week of holidays this week, but so far it has been spent doing alot of prep for his speaking engagement next week.  Hopefully he can finish that up sooner than later so that we can spend some quality family time together before he heads back to work in the new year.

Well, that's about all I can think of.  Oh wait, you're probably DYING to know what Levi has been up to lately!  Well, he's 14 months old and is walking, talking, dancing, pointing, asking, running, climbing, squirming, cuddling, reading, playing, rocking, throwing, and in general just MOVING.  He's a real joy (for at least a portion of every day) and we love him to bits. 

And that's our life in a nutshell!  I'm really hoping to get back into this blogging thing a bit more in the new year.  I've really missed it.  But now it's time to say goodbye and enjoy the last little bit of Levi's going-on-two-hours naptime.  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

p.s-nope, no real pictures.  Sorry.  I'll try to get some up again in the new year :)