Have you ever noticed how many snapshots of kids these days have a parent in the background who is present in body but completely immersed in the world of their smart phone or iPad? As I've looked at pictures on fb and blogs, especially in the past week, it has struck me just how common this has become. And it has me thinking: how is this affecting the children??
I think back to my own childhood and the only thing I remember my parents being distracted by (like, mind totally in another world and not able to get their attention easily when I needed/wanted it) were books and conversation. But more often than not, they were mentally available when I needed them, whether or not they were "busy" with something else. How would my childhood have been different if one or both of my parents had spend every free moment with their eyes (and minds) glued to the tv, cell phone, computer, or tablet? I think I may have gotten the impression that parents/adults:
- are hard to get attention from
- are distracted
- don't really want to be with me
- would rather sit and look at a screen than do anything else
- aren't really there for you
- don't think kids are important enough to pay attention to unless the attention is begged for
I'm as guilty as anyone. I spend time online while Levi is awake, both on my phone and on my computer. And it strikes me almost daily how I could be doing much more valuable things with my time. How would my days with Levi (and our attitudes/patience levels with each other) be different if I was truly present in everything I did when we're together? It breaks my heart when I think about what my time online is teaching him. (not that ALL time online or being "distracted" is all bad, but when it becomes a daily part of life, maybe it needs to be examined?)
Does Levi ever feel like I don't really care about him? Does he ever feel like what I see on my screen is more important than him? Does he feel like he has to whine for things because asking nicely just simply fails to get my attention? How would things be different if I moved my computer downstairs permanently and left my phone on the counter during the day, only checking things when he is napping or in bed for the night?
I intend to find out. I've certainly cut back on internet use in the past (multiple times throughout Levi's life, though it invariably creeps up time and again) because I've always been aware of this danger. But having seen pictures of it so often this past week, it has been brought to my mind yet again and I am feeling the need to renew my effort in being present with my child (soon to be children).
How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Agree? Disagree? Anything to add? I'd love to hear from you!
4 comments:
Thanks for your thoughts on this Niki. I'm obviously not parenting, but I do notice how much longer my evenings after work seem when I don't have the TV on or how the hours don't fly by quite as quickly when I spend time with a book instead of the computer. This is something I try to remember when there don't seem to be enough hours in a day, and when children seem to be growing up far too fast. Enjoy the moment!
Yep, I think you've really hit the nail on the head. I've found that my boys misbehave a LOT more when I'm preoccupied with other things. I'm really trying to make more of an effort to put my phone and such down too and focusing more on them and including them as I can in what I am doing. So far (when I remember) it's working well. Just today, Sean was fighting me at nap time and it dawned on me, he had been at preschool all morning, we rushed through lunch and now I was asking him to go sleep. He had barely talked to me all day! So I took a few minutes and just snuggled and played with him, we read a few books, and soon enough he was ready to go for a nap. I could have fought with him for that half hour, but instead took the time to be with him which is all he wanted.
Oh, Niki! How timely. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. While Olivia is do little I've felt like she can't possibly mind that I check the net on my phone. But, truly, she is watching and learning all the time. It 'll be harder now to make a conscious effort to unplug most of the day now that I track my exercise and calories with an app on my phone... But it will be worth it.
Guilty confession? I may be typing this on my phone while feeding Olivia....
Not just how it affects your kids but how it can affect a marriage. Is watching tv together really an effective way of spending time together? I know that I have thought about this a lot with how it affects my son. Something good to be aware of for sure.
How are you feeling these days?
Post a Comment