Friday, March 16, 2012

Is this normal?

I have a 17 month old.  I love my 17 month old to bits.  He is wonderful.  He is fun.  He is energetic and exploring and learning...busy.  Busy is good!  Busy is healthy.  But busy leaves me tired.

I've noticed in the last few weeks/months that I guard my naptimes agressively. As soon as Levi is in bed for his nap, my mind goes in 20 million directions trying to figure out what the best use of my "free" time would be.  I almost panic trying to come up with just the right thing to do so that I won't feel as though I wasted even a minute of the precious time I have to myself that day. And if something threatens to come in the way of that time, watch out.  Don't distract me.  Don't ask me to do anything out of the blue during that time.  Don't come into my space.  I have only limited time every day to do my own thing and be alone.  And I never know how long that time will be so if I get distracted by something/someone unexpectedly and Levi wakes up, it could be another 24 hours before I get some time to myself again. 

It struck me lately that this just doesn't feel...healthy?  normal?  It's gotten to the point where I'd rather not eat lunch with Nathan (Levi naps over lunch time) because it means that I have less time to myself.  I'd rather sit and read or crochet or even just creep around facebook than ask my husband how his morning was.  That doesn't seem right.  And yet...that's my energize time.  That's my "keeping sane" time.  I feel like I need that time... 

Is it ok to ignore everything else during that naptime each day?  Is it ok to guard it protectively?  Is it ok to hope that nothing unexpectedly comes in the way of it?  *sigh*  Does anyone else feel like this?  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I feel like I'm at a place where I either need to be ok with being distracted or else give myself permission to guard that time ...

4 comments:

Jo Funk said...

YES YOU ARE NORMAL. Nap time is the sacred time of a mom. It's our time to be something other than mom.

I've found something else that's saved my sanity is a night off. Every Monday night, I hang up my mom hat, grab my purse, and RUN AWAY. Sometimes it's to ladies bible study at church, other times it's just to starbucks with a good book or meet someone for coffee, or get this.. other times... its grocery shopping with out the assistance of little fingers. Brendan then also gets his night off too, where he can go do man things. It's guilt free for me. I spend the rest of my days with the kids, or at least doing family related business. My nights off fuel my soul.

Stacey said...

I agree.. it's fairly normal. Especially with your first little person :) It gets really really hard when they stop napping!

Sabrina said...

You should see how cranky I can get when Indie's been napping for a while and G won't get into his room for quiet time. One day I had 6 minutes to myself, and nearly cried when Indie woke up. It's definitely sacred time.

Anonymous said...

Again, I'm with you on this one. That's my personal time of quietness, reflecting, relaxing, reading, spending time with God. It's my refresher and regrouping time. It's needed for me, not everyone needs that breather, but some do, that's who you are. Beautifully, uniquely, and wonderfully made.