I've been realizing more and more lately that the fact that I'm an introvert is something to be embraced rather than fought. Interesting that I ever picked up the idea that being an introvert wasn't a good thing, no? I'm fairly convinced that the society in which we live has been designed by extroverts. And this has often left me feeling like there's something wrong with me, like I just don't quite fit and, on top of all that, like I'm the only one who feels this way.
As I live in more places, get to know more people and function in new and different situations, I'm realizing that I am not, in fact, the only one. There are more people out there who feel like society isn't quite designed for them. People who would rather sneak through the church foyer than have to stand and "mingle" for 20 minutes (an eternity, yes). People who would rather brainstorm on their own than get together in a group and throw out ideas or plan an event. People who have no problem spending the majority of their time at home alone, rather than scheduling their week full of coffee dates and activities.
For the majority of my life, I've found myself dreading things like group work in school, ice breaker games, "mingling"...and the whole time I just thought it was something I needed to just deal with and get over. And as I am getting older, I'm realizing that the introvert in me isn't something to be somehow overcome. It is not something that needs to be stuffed away and ignored. There is great value to being an introvert and, more than that, it's who.I.am. That alone is reason to respect how I feel and to give those feelings a voice.
I have started giving myself permission to be true to the introverted part of myself. That might mean not being fully immersed in every area of the church right away (gasp!). It might mean not pushing myself as hard to set up playdates or coffee dates or to have people over for supper every week. Sometimes I just need time and space. And that's ok!
It has been extremely life-giving to have come to this realization. Why did it take me so long?! It's quite likely that nobody else notices any difference, yet the change in pressure that I'm not putting on myself has been huge! I'm still learning to tell myself that it's ok to sometimes pull away and give myself space. It's getting there :) Being an introvert who is fueled by time away from the action is ok and normal. Aah...talk about a breath of fresh air!
2 comments:
From one introvert to another: I just want to affirm you in this. Self-care is most important.
Self care is important. I always thought I was an introvert. I realize I ride the middle between introvert and extrovert. There are weeks I am busy and have people over (learning hospitality for our big move) and always trying to find play dates for my son to have kids to play with (because he's not an introvert) and that's okay. Yet then there are days like today where I thought I'd have a block of time all to myself for an afternoon on Friday and then plans changed so that isn't happening any more and boy was I grumpy. I realized that I am in need of some significant ME time. And it's in those times where I am alone and with God that I am refreshed and boy is my attitude in life way better too.
Been thinking of you this week.
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