Bossy-pants

***Feel free to "follow" my blog if you enjoy reading my posts (to the right -->)...then you will be notified whenever I post.  I'm getting kinda tired of posting blog links on fb all the time and I'd hate for you faithful readers to miss a post if you enjoy reading along! :)***

________________________________

I now know this about myself:

I do not like to be told what to do.

I don't even like to be asked to do something.

Whew.  I'm glad I got that off my chest.  It appears to be a fairly large chunk of who I am.  Haha.  And apparently I'm stubborn about it too.

This all came up last night as I was watching tv with Nathan and noticed kids hanging their hands down into the cattle chute walkway where the hockey players were entering the ice.  They were all so badly wanting a high-five from the players.  And I was annoyed.  I asked Nathan if he would be the type of player to give them a high-five as he went onto the ice and he shrugged, saying that he probably would (what a nice guy!).  He knew how much it would mean to them and it's such a small action on his part, so why not?

Ugh!  Why not?!  I may be admitting to being a horrible person here, but I would have to fight every instinct in me to raise my hand and give them any recognition at all.  It's not that I don't want to make a kid's day.  I really do think I'm nicer than that. I LOVE to make people happy by giving them what they dream of.  But if you really want something from me, please don't dangle your hand in my face begging for it. Drop hints, be subtle, and hope that I'll catch on before too long. ;)

Nathan and I have different love languages.  It's fairly clear to both of us that we speak different languages and we both know what the other's language is, though that certainly doesn't make it easy to speak all the time.  (ie. I know that the language Dora speaks is Spanish but that doesn't necessarily help me communicate effectively with her. Ok, there are alot of reasons why I don't communicate effectively with Dora, one being the LOCK feature on our tv, but I digress...)  Just because I know the name of the language Nathan is speaking, doesn't mean that I can speak that language effectively, or understand him when he is trying to speak that language to me.  And the same goes for him speaking/understanding my language.  So one way to try to make the other feel loved is to give suggestions...a vocab list of sorts.  "If you do _______, I will hear loud and clear that you love me, whether or not you speak with an accent or even know exactly what you're saying."  This is all fine and dandy in theory.  But I go back to the point of this post.  I hate to be told what to do.  And I hate being asked to do things that I haven't thought of first.  So when Nathan asks me to do something that will make him feel loved, even as simple as a back rub, I get annoyed.  I CHAFE, people!  I have to fight my gut reaction tooth and nail to pour any kind of sincere love into that action, simply because I've been asked to do it.  I'd so much rather be told that back rubs make him feel loved and then be left to initiate a back rub later, on my own terms.

Of course there are many areas in life where this comes into play.  Pastor's wives are going to make pizza for an event and you're a pastor's wife so show up at 3pm to start cooking...chafing.  Your brother would really like to go hang out with you and your friends tonight so you'll be taking him along...chafing.  You should really buy a gift for this person because it would mean alot to them...chafing.

All of those things are good, but wouldn't they mean more if they came from the heart?  Wouldn't it mean more if your favourite hockey player went out of his way to acknowledge you rather than swatting your hand out from in front of his face? (yeah, you're right, you probably won't get acknowledged by your favourite team player if you aren't annoying)  Wouldn't it mean more if, without being asked, your spouse did the dishes to make you feel loved, just because they knew it would mean alot to you?  Wouldn't it mean more if you received a gift from someone, knowing that nobody told them to give it to you?

This is a tricky one for me because I know that alot of those things are good things to do and I know that I don't always think of them myself. But agh...the fight inside when I am asked to do something that I wish I'd thought of myself!  *sigh* It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Are you like me or more like Nathan?  Would you rather think of doing things yourself, on your own time?  Or do you not mind making someone's day by responding to their blatant request?  Thoughts?