Ok, I have a question for ALL you moms out there (it doesn't matter how long ago your kids were babies)...
A little background first: The latest "trend" (is it a trend? I don't know...) in parenting is to teach your baby to "self-soothe" which means putting them to bed awake and letting them put themselves to sleep. The idea is that you'll have a good sleeper who doesn't rely on you to be able to fall asleep. Sounds good, in theory.
Here's the problem: I am sick of Levi crying each and every time I put him down for a nap (3-4 times a day). Occasionally he'll go down without tears, but most of the time it takes alot of coaxing (and patting, rocking, nursing and bouncing) to get him to sleep. He has no problem putting himself back to sleep in the middle of the night (unless he's hungry), but the initial "let's fall asleep now" is torture for both of us almost every time.
So here's my question: What did you do? Did you rock/nurse your baby to sleep? And if so, was your baby a good sleeper, or did they rely on you to fall asleep every time? Did you teach your baby to self-soothe? If so, how long did it take, what age did you start, and did your child ever show signs of resisting it like Levi seems to? I've been trying to teach Levi to self-soothe since before Christmas and, aside from a couple good days here and there, it has mostly just been alot of tears and frustration. I'm beginning to think that rocking him to sleep every time would be better than this. Thoughts? In the end, I'll do what's best for us, but I'm interested in hearing what other moms have done and how it worked for them in the long run....
Thanks.
7 comments:
Oi, what a topic... For us we felt that we really needed to sleep train because it was impossible for us to be rocking/nursing two babies to sleep all the time. They were 2-3 months when we started and it took a while (a month-ish) for them to put themselves to sleep without crying. It definitely helps that they're both thumb-suckers so they can really calm themselves and put themselves to sleep.
That being said, there are STILL times when they'll cry and cry and cry when I put them down - generally when they're overtired, teething, or not tired enough to sleep. I know many moms who never sleep trained and were content to rock their baby to sleep every nap/bedtime. It's totally a matter of personal preference and what you're willing to do. Some "ferberize" and others "attachment parent"... No matter what you do, you're doing what you believe is best for your baby and nobody can (*should*) judge you for that.
I rocked Tyler to sleep for the first few months. Around the age of six months we decided that we HAD to try something with Tyler as naps were becoming difficult and he refused to let me rock him to sleep anymore. I had a friend give me some guidelines that actually ended up working really well. Leave your baby for 5 minutes. If they're still crying, go into their room, give them their soother (or reassure them or whatever without picking them up) and then leave. Wait 10 min. If they're still crying, go in and do the same thing. Then wait 15 min. If after this time they are still crying, go in and pick them up and try a nap again later. While I didn't always stick to this, it did give me the jumpstart with being comfortable letting Tyler put himself to sleep. It was a fight for awhile, but he can now be put down for a nap or bedtime, and without any crying will put himself to sleep. I am now a HUGE fan of self soothing. I HATED letting him cry, but it did work and saved us a lot of frustration during nap times and bedtimes. Good luck though...it's not easy!
VERY good questions! I wish I had asked these when I just had Payton. Here is my experience: Payton was my first. I loved to hold him, rock him, sing to him, bounce him, all those other wonderful things you have more time to do when you only have one. It was a wonderful time for us. Sort of. Payton never learned to fall asleep without ever being held or rocked or bounced or sung to or any of the many other vices he had relied on. I cannot remember how old he was before he learned to sleep on his own but it took a long time. Now that he is almost 8, he is a decent sleeper but I would still say he is my worst sleeper. He still has a hard time falling asleep and is a night owl because of it. He is more likely than all the rest to come up at night because he cannot sleep. Now, having had a few other kids in the meantime, I have learned a few things. First of all, I don't refer to it as "self-soothing" - I don't like that term. I call it sleep training. You are teaching them to sleep just like you are teaching him many other very important things. So I started putting them in their beds when they were almost asleep - not quite, but really close. They would fall asleep. Then I would put them to bed when they were more awake. Sometimes they would cry. I would ignore it for a few minutes, maybe 5, then go "tuck them back in", not looking in their eyes, nice patting on the back, say they were okay, and walk out. Come back in 10 minutes if they are crying. Repeat, coming back in 15 minutes if they are crying. Eventually I had kids that were easily sleeping through the night with little work from me from the time they were 6-8 weeks old. No convincing them to sleep. No sleep battles. However, I relied heavily on a schedule, not waiting until they were overtired. Overtired babies have a much harder time falling asleep then babies that are ready to sleep. You determine when he sleeps and when he wakes. I could say much more but you could always send an email if you have more questions.
We used the Ferber method with both of our kids. They are excellent sleepers. I highly recommend getting his book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". It walks you through his progressive wait approach which does involve some crying at first but I promise, if you follow his guidelines strictly it will only take a week at the most but both of our kids were done in three days. I do not know anyone who has tried this (following the guidelines strictly) and had it not work. Ferber suggests trying this no sooner than 6 months. We used it with LUcas at 9 months (up to then we nursed to sleep) and Kezia at 7 months. Both are amazing sleepers. I don't think you will be disappointed if you decide to try this at some point. I am sure the library has the book if you don't want to buy it but it definately worth having on hand for reference. Hope this is helpful.
ps - I came to your blog through Kelsie Lynn Harms
I too did "sleep training" after my oldest started fighting being rocked to sleep. I did the checking in after gradually longer increments of time and we started her at six months and it went quite well. We've experienced setbacks after illness or travel as well. You just kind of start all over again. With my second child, I went to start him at four months but he could scream nonstop at the top of his lungs for well over an hour, so I gave up and tried again at six months. It went better than. I've got three children now and some phases are better than others but I have no regrets about sleep training. As hard as the crying is, the extra sleep saved my sanity. But I will echo the other girls - whatever works for you is what is right! Moms know best - good luck :)
I slept with my babies. When they are so little, I couldn't let them cry. All they want is their mom. I didn't even try to get them to sleep by themselves until 9-12 months. If you don't have a problem rocking or holding your baby to sleep, do it. They are only this little once.
Many of their naps were in my rocking chair. I would rock them and they would fall asleep. Most times, I could get up and leave them there and do some work, other times, I stayed and cuddled them. Even with three kids, I don't regret not sleep training.
Do what is best for you and baby.
hi! you don't know me...I found you through Josie's blog :) I have a little one right around the same age as you and I would totally recommend the book "On Becoming Babywise" by Ezzo and Bucknam. It is controversial to some people because you feed your child on a schedule instead of on demand, but we found it very helpful. It helps make the day predictable It promotes the idea of a parent directed schedule and though I know some babies are better at sleeping then other, everyone I talked to has had some level of success with this method. I hope this helps!
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