Last night I lay awake for quite a while, tossing and turning. My mind just kept running and wouldn’t stop. Does it ever seem like something is much more exciting before you realize how much work and energy and sacrifice it will require? And does it ever seem like right before bed is the worst time for your mind to run with these things? For me, everything seems like a MUCH bigger deal in the evening/at night. We need to finish our house (siding/soffit/fascia/eaves)… We need to sell our house… We need to find a place for Lennox while we’re gone…will we be able to find a place where he’ll be taken care of and where we’ll feel ok about leaving him? Is moving to Saskatchewan, before the house sells, the right thing to do? Is this the right time to be leaving town? Will I be able to enjoy Fresno when I will be missing so many things here in Canada? Will Fresno be the adventure that it was supposed to be when I feel like I’m sacrificing so many things to be there? I’m not usually one to get homesick or to worry about missing things. I’m usually pretty flexible and up for adventure. But lately I’ve just been wondering about leaving. My mind always goes back to our time of discernment and hearing God giving us the go-ahead to go back to school. If we felt confident then, should we not hold onto that confidence when our minds (mostly mine) starts to wonder about it? It feels like it took so long to find our place in the community and now that we’ve really begun to feel at home here (especially in the last year) we’re packing up. Will we ever be able to feel at home again? Of course we will…but you know how that late-night mind likes to make you think of the worst. I think that once we’re out of town, I’ll be excited about the move again. And certainly once we near the Fresno city limits, I will be hardly able to contain myself. But right now, it just seems like a cliff that I’m not sure I want to jump off of. Will things actually be alright if I leave the safety and stability of this ground?
1 comment:
Hey Niki,
I can totally relate to worrying in the evenings/at night and wondering if you're making the right move. From my experience (this is the the "big sister" in me talking :-) ) I've learned to trust the sense I get in the mornings that everything will be okay rather than panic about all I worry about in the evenings. If I'm still panicking in the morning, then there's something to be worried about! I've also noticed that I always miss things more or feel more at home in a place right before I leave it. I never really thought of Winnipeg as home until last summer and fall. It's weird that way, but I think the saying is true, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." With that said, I'm loving Indiana and the new life here. I will attempt to enjoy every minute of it until I return to Canada, but I do miss Canada at the same time. 'Tis life. Somehow, things always fall into place, even if we can't see the next step or wonder how in the world everything will work out. That's my "big sister" advice for you today.
Love you!
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