noun
a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction
On the weekend, Friday night, I bought a sweater. If you would like to picture it (please do, as it has much to do with this post) you can picture a sweater, bunny hug style. It is striped with purple, brown, blue, teal, beige, ivory, yellow, and orange. Yes, it is a colourful sweater, which I have lovingly nicknamed my “sweater of many colors.” (think coat)
As I was wearing my “sweater of many colors” for the first time today, I realized that I like to stand out. Wearing a very colourful sweater was fun. But then there are times when I wish I would just blend in a bit more. Height is a big area (no pun intended) in which I wish I could blend in more. Then again, I often like to stand out…to be noticed. And as I write that, I think of how I sometimes leave the house in the morning with the sole aim of being noticed as little as possible. Yet some days I deliberately wear bright clothes (or weird ones…red gingham shirt that I found in my mom’s closet in high school) and thrive on the attention and personality. It gives me so much confidence to wear bright, colourful clothes, to know that I made someone look twice. Yet on a day when I’m just not feeling it, those same clothes make me feel even more self-conscious.
And take, for example, being noticed when I walk into a room. Sometimes I love to be the centre of attention and other times I wish I could just be invisible and literally blend into the wall. And the confusing part is, I’m not sure which one is more “me.” I kinda feel like the louder, brighter, quirkier side is more me and then I realize that certain situations change that (feeling like I’m being misunderstood or simply not understood or judged) so then I feel like my default is hiding, which makes me wonder if that is more me. I think I’m both. I would feel SO incredibly stifled if I had to be a quiet, plain, background person for the rest of my life, but I would feel far too exposed and lacking of depth if I was constantly “out there” for the world to see and know.
Maybe I’m a colourful, quirky introvert. Yeah, that’s it. *sigh* My life is an oxymoron.
1 comment:
I love you just for these reasons. for the fact that you are crazy and fun, and then quiet and wise. for the fact that you are a colorful quirky introvert. That is niki. And it totally suits you.
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