Bumble Bees and Spring Fever

Nathan playing video games.

My mind feels like a bumble bee that can’t figure out which flower to land on. It just keeps flying in circles, heading towards one bright, colourful flower, only to be distracted by another bright, colourful flower before it ever gets to the first one.

My thoughts are the flowers and not being able to concentrate is the flying in circles. I’d like to just focus on something, because I can tell that there’s a lot of stuff going on in there. I can tell that my mind almost has itself wrapped around something, but I can’t quite figure out what. In the process of trying to articulate these deep, profound thoughts (haha…profound), I find that I can’t articulate anything!

Spring is just kind of like that, isn’t it? There are so many things that are waking up around me that I feel like I should be waking up and doing things and thinking about things and going places…and then I begin to feel trapped by all the things that made life feel so secure all winter. House, job, responsibilities…

This year, the biggest trap that I feel is the house. As we’re thinking about leaving, and trying to plan for it, I feel like the house is weighing us down. Nothing is for sure until the house sells. I just feel like up and leaving and having the house just disappear (which is what will happen when it sells, as far as we’re concerned). I can’t wait to be between where we are now and where we’re going and feel like we have no responsibilities. No bills. No mortgage payments. No jobs. It will be such a time of release, after everything that has happened in these last 8 months.

But, on a smaller scale, I even just wish that Nathan and I could go away together for a weekend. I wish we didn’t have jobs and had tons of money and could just rent a cabin and go away for a couple days. We got married at the perfect time of year for this reason. By the middle of May (May 14), we’re both feeling like we need some time away (which is most of what I’m feeling today, I think). When we were in youth ministry (last 3 springs), the need to get away was due to having put in a long winter of many evenings and much energy. By May it was always time to crash. Until last year, we’d gone away together for our anniversary. Last year, we held out a couple extra months and treated ourselves to a hotel on our holidays for our anniversary. But this year, it just feels like summer is so far away still. And I feel like I need to get away now.

So I guess you could call my unsettledness, of late, “spring fever.” And my spring fever usually shows up in the form of needing a change from daily routine. This year, I think I’ll try to find change in any way I can, seeing as how we’re not going away anytime soon. If I can’t go away and we can’t drop ALL our responsibilities until July (which we can’t)…who knows, maybe we’ll buy a new vehicle…or maybe I’ll make a garden (doesn’t that just make sense?)…or maybe we’ll get another dog (another brilliant idea)…

I’ll keep you posted if my “spring fever” leads me to anything drastic. If you hear nothing, you can assume that I’ve made the adjustment to spring smoothly. That or I’ve done something completely off the wall that I’ll somehow fail to mention…