and then there were four....

I’ve been reading Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry by Doug Fields. It is reminding me of what it was like to be in full time ministry. When we accepted the job as youth pastor at what is now our church, I thought I was ready for it. I’d had wonderful “mentoring” relationships with youth before, I was decently confident in my “youth-pastor-wife” abilities, and I was almost positive that I would find my place in it all fairly quickly. But nothing could have prepared me for our first two years in youth ministry.

Instead of the joy, excitement and confidence that I expected to feel being involved in youth ministry, I started to feel the opposite. My joy and excitement turned into loneliness and confusion. Instead of confidence, I felt fear and incompetence. What was I doing here? Who was I? And what ever made me think that I was cut out for youth ministry…or any ministry at all??? There were some low, discouraging, disappointing days that I was afraid to mention because surely they were selfish and would pass. Right?

Slowly, things began to improve. We found our groove, and I began to find my place in the ministry, though often felt like I still didn’t quite belong. I often felt as though I was digging in my heels, trying to let things get out of control. I felt like I was dragging behind a speeding chariot (yes, a chariot) with my heels dug in, trying to stop, but failing miserably. But I felt like if I actually let go and allowed myself to run, I would fall flat on my face and drag, not able to get back on my feet again.

When our “sabbatical” came this fall, I felt relieved (among many other, less fun, emotions) because it meant that we would get a break and that I would be able to gracefully and deliberately remove my hands from the chariot. The first few months were tough and stretching and it was hard to think about being involved in anything church or ministry related.

As we both have become more rested and rejuvenated over the last 6 ½ months, I have begun to feel as though it is safe to dream about ministry again. This time of being able to get back on my feet and breathe deeply and look around me has given me some much needed time for contemplation. I’ve been examining myself and where I may be called to be involved. I have had/made time to listen to God from a neutral place. In this place, I don’t feel any pressure to be involved here or there just because I’m expected to. Instead, I have been able to just sit back and dream the dreams that God has been giving me.

As a couple, we are confident that God is going to be leading us back into full time work for his Kingdom. I am excited to find my place in that work; the one that God is preparing for me (and me for) already. I am eager to serve and grow.

Being in ministry is not easy work. It is often discouraging, exhausting and unending, even when you know that you are where God wants you. My challenge to you is to take a minute today to encourage someone you know who is in ministry. Those notes, cookies, and acts of service mean the world.