I was talking to someone today and our pregnancy came up. I shared that we had been trying for over three years and that, because of our struggle with infertility, we hadn’t really expected this pregnancy to happen this year. Her comment to that was, “That’s how it always seems to work. Just when you stop “trying”, that’s when it comes.” That stopped me in my tracks. That is exactly the sort of comment that I would have struggled so much with in the midst of infertility. And I realized that it is a comment that I still struggle with…
A comment like this suggests that there is some sort of “method” to getting what you want. It implies that all you need to do is “forget about it” or “relax” or “convince yourself that your life is fine without it” and then you will receive your heart’s desire. To this my heart screams, “NO!” There is no “formula” to get what you want from God. You can try or not try as much as you want, but if things aren’t happening, they just aren’t happening.
(As a sidenote, we hadn’t “stopped trying” this year at seminary and my desire was strong as ever…it’s not that we’d “forgotten about it” or that it mattered less to us at that point, in fact, quite the opposite)
I mentioned in my blog post “Our Story...” that our period of infertility will always be part of the story of our family. While I have stepped out of that realm of women longing desperately for motherhood, I do find that certain comments still affect me as a result of having been there. And having walked that road is affecting how I am walking through this pregnancy now. I am thrilled about the life that is growing in me. I am embracing motherhood and everything that goes with it (nausea and food aversion included). But I also remember vividly that hopelessness that comes with infertility. I remember feeling lost in life, at times, with the absence of one of my greatest dreams. And as I walk through this pregnancy, I am very aware that there are still many around me who are walking that painful road.
I want to be sensitive to you who are still waiting for your miracle. I want to remember the road we walked as I rejoice in this new life. I sincerely hope that our story can be an encouragement to you that miracles are possible, though I also acknowledge the reality that it is often more of a painful reminder to see someone pregnant than it is an encouragement…
1 comment:
I appreciate this post. As someone who has walking through primary and now secondary infertility my heart aches for those who experience the same. It's hard when you walk with friends and pray for and with them for their miracles and then they concieve and forget what it's like to feel that ache and the empty arms. All they talk about is their kids and that is okay and yet they forget to ask how I am doing and if they can pray for me. Not that it should be all about those of us who are dealing with infertility because it shouldn't be that way...all I am saying is that I refuse to be a person who forgets what that feels like to walk through infertilty or a miscarriage. You are a good friend. Enjoy every minute of your pregnancy. Can't wait to see that baby in your arms! We are so happy for you guys.
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