I sometimes think back to September 2006. I think about how far we've come since we started trying to conceive. When we first started trying, like most other couples, we didn't expect that it would take very long before we held our first child in our arms.
The next couple months held much hurt, pain, impatience, anger, and frustration. Why weren't things happening? Was there something wrong? I saw my doctor after 6 months of trying and was casually told to wait another year and a half before inquiring about tests again. So we kept trying...and kept waiting.
Soon there were theological questions to go along with the physical ones. If God created the desire in me to be a mother, why wasn't it happening? Is God really not as "in control" as I'd first thought? Is God not really as loving or as good as I'd always believed? What was going on? Who was this God that I'd committed my life to serving...and who was I? These questions have surrounded me and been near to my heart and mind since shortly into 2007.
As time went on, the two year mark approached and more of our friends were having children of their own. We were getting more and more comments about when we were going to have babies and it was hurting more and more each time. Finally I reached a point when I couldn't handle it anymore. At the two-year mark, we told our parents, our friends, and, on my blog, the world. It was no longer a secret. It became easier at that point, both because people knew to be sensitive to our pain and because there were more people drawing around us, supporting us with love and prayers.
The questions I mentioned earlier have lingered, but, especially in the last year and a half, there has been much healing. God has not been silent through our struggle (though it has sometimes felt like He has). He has not been absent (though it has sometimes felt like this too). I have come to a deeper understanding of God's provision. I have been stretched in my understanding of how God works, and find that, though I don't always want to trust (and don't always trust) God's work, it is for our good. There are still many things I don't understand, and, frankly, wish I could change, about God's design. But I am still on the journey...
The story of our family will always include the last three and a half years. Those years were harder than I can possibly describe and have shaped both of us individually, as well as our marriage. Our faith has been stretched. Our hearts have been bruised. And it is not without a great deal of fear that we make this announcement. But there is no question in our minds that this is a miracle.
It is with great hope and excitement that we announce the anticipated arrival of our own little miracle later this year.
Wow. I can't believe I just typed that. It's just too good to be true.