Thursday, April 1, 2010

Our Story...

I sometimes think back to September 2006.  I think about how far we've come since we started trying to conceive.  When we first started trying, like most other couples, we didn't expect that it would take very long before we held our first child in our arms.

The next couple months held much hurt, pain, impatience, anger, and frustration.  Why weren't things happening?  Was there something wrong?  I saw my doctor after 6 months of trying and was casually told to wait another year and a half before inquiring about tests again.  So we kept trying...and kept waiting.

Soon there were theological questions to go along with the physical ones.  If God created the desire in me to be a mother, why wasn't it happening?  Is God really not as "in control" as I'd first thought?  Is God not really as loving or as good as I'd always believed?  What was going on?  Who was this God that I'd committed my life to serving...and who was I?  These questions have surrounded me and been near to my heart and mind since shortly into 2007.

As time went on, the two year mark approached and more of our friends were having children of their own.  We were getting more and more comments about when we were going to have babies and it was hurting more and more each time.  Finally I reached a point when I couldn't handle it anymore.  At the two-year mark, we told our parents, our friends, and, on my blog, the world.  It was no longer a secret.  It became easier at that point, both because people knew to be sensitive to our pain and because there were more people drawing around us, supporting us with love and prayers.

The questions I mentioned earlier have lingered, but, especially in the last year and a half, there has been much healing.  God has not been silent through our struggle (though it has sometimes felt like He has).  He has not been absent (though it has sometimes felt like this too).  I have come to a deeper understanding of God's provision.  I have been stretched in my understanding of how God works, and find that, though I don't always want to trust (and don't always trust) God's work, it is for our good.  There are still many things I don't understand, and, frankly, wish I could change, about God's design.  But I am still on the journey...

The story of our family will always include the last three and a half years.  Those years were harder than I can possibly describe and have shaped both of us individually, as well as our marriage.  Our faith has been stretched.  Our hearts have been bruised.  And it is not without a great deal of fear that we make this announcement.  But there is no question in our minds that this is a miracle.

It is with great hope and excitement that we announce the anticipated arrival of our own little miracle later this year. 

Wow.  I can't believe I just typed that.  It's just too good to be true.

16 comments:

Karisbrandes said...

And I'm in tears reading it, even having known for a while. I am so happy and so excited! Praise God for your beautiful little miracle!!!!!

Ps. I told you i'd wake up early to read this!!

The Hatch's said...

Congratulations you two!!!!! I am SO excited for you both and have been praying for you for a long time! Oh and I have probably never commented on here-sorry-I love your blog!

~Marni Hatch (Neufeld)

j. brandes said...

Congratulations Niki! I am so happy for the both of you. I'm excited that our girls will have a cousin to play with!

Sylvia said...

And I'm already making plans for Grandma Camp! Praise the Lord for your faithfulness in the journey - and we'll continue to pray for health for all!

Sparlingo said...

I was on the phone with Jeremy when I read that you're pregnant, and I shouted in his ear. He had no idea what was going on, and I really scared him!! But I'm SO HAPPY to hear that!! I'm actually tearing up right now.

God bless you and your little miracle!

Erica Baerwald said...

Can I just say that somehow, I KNEW IT!!!! Yayayyyyyyyy...... this is just too beautiful. May Jesus just bless that little (growing!!!) womb of yours and keep Baby M so very safe! Love to you both!

Marsha said...

I am so very thankful that God has answered our prayers! Can't wait to see you and your baby bump, and give you a great big hug!!!!!

Stacey said...

What an amazing blessing!!!! Congrats :) Can't wait to read pregnancy updates and see your little one in the future!

Trev and Rebekah said...

Again we say congrats and we pray for the safe arrival of this little one.

Nikki said...

Congratulations Nathan and NIKI!!!
very excited for you guys!
God bless!
ur in our thoughts and prayers!

Alicia said...

I'm so glad that the day finally came when it was your turn to share your exciting news with the world! I hope you are reveling in the flood of congrats today :-) You deserve it!

Kyra said...

Congratulations to you both! That is so exciting! Looking forward to meeting your little miracle someday down the road!

Sabrina said...

Instant big tears dropping from these eyes Niki. Oh what news. What beautiful, beautiful news. I am so delighted that your story is on a different chapter, and though the past years of struggle are part of your story - it is not the end.

Praying for you, with you, and for your sweet baby.

Janelle said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
i'm SO excited for you!! :) :) God has been FAITHFUL! Praise the LORD!!!! can't wait to follow you on this journey!!!
love love love & blessings! :)

Alyssa Thiessen said...

I am SOOOOO excited for you and Nathan!! PRAISE GOD for answered prayers and for the little BABY in your tummy!!! I am so thrilled to 'changing' my prayers from asking the Lord for you guys to be able to conceive to praising him for this miracle and for the development of your little one!

Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!! I can't wait to hear updates (and see pics of you as you start to GROW :) :) )!

Our prayers are with you!
Alyssa

Chantelle - ThousandSquareFeet said...

Oh. My. Goodness. I am so very VERY thrilled for you! The Lord is so good, all the time, even if we don't understand. May you continue to be overwhelmed by the blessings and miracles of the Lord! Praise the Lord! Congratulations!